Standing in the Dark
by TheCarnivalAct
Summary: "You were deaf to my cries, blind to my scars, and left me alone without a friend in the world. You promised we would always be together but you lied. And you can't fix it." Carlos Angst/Multi Chapt/Please R&R?
1. Prologue

**Authors Note:** Yes, I'm starting another story; please don't kill me for being unreliable at updating my other ones. I don't get to use the computer very much, so I won't be updating this very often, but I promise that I will try and that you _will_ absolutely love this story. I have been trying to put it together since November – crazy right? – but I've never really gotten to write this part. So here I am, on Wednesday night, finally beginning the story that been nagging at my mind for the past four months.

I just really hope you guys like it. Also, keep in mind that this is just the prologue and I'll post chapter one soon – hopefully. Really depends on if I get to use a computer or even have enough time to write something decent…

_ANYWAY_, on to the story!

**Need to Know:** Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan are all Nineteen and graduated from school and live together in _The Crib_. Ms. Knight and Katie live in Minnesota as well and won't make very big appearances in this story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush. Frankly, you wouldn't want me to.

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><p><em><strong>Standing in the Dark - Prologue<strong>_

The entire building was silent except for the casual sounds of light fixtures buzzing and the air conditioning switching on and off. Almost every office was vacant, the employees having left hours ago as soon as their shift was over. It was late a night, around eleven o'clock, so it was no surprise that the office lights were off and the doors were locked. All except for one, the sounds of quite voices drifting into the halls and whispering from the air vents overhead. The voices were too quietly spoken to be coherent and as the air conditioning switched back on, the sounds were drowned out completely.

The dimly lit hallway that lead to the only occupied office in the large building echoed with the sounds of footsteps. The air around was thick with tension as three figures walked under the lone bulb that provides the only light in the hallway. The figures were walking slow, guarded, as they approached the office, hesitating outside the door before grabbing the knob and slowly pushing it open. The bright light from inside the room blinded the three figures and illuminated their silhouettes.

Standing cautiously in the doorway was Kendall Knight, James Diamond, and Logan Mitchell, their eyes narrowed, as they hadn't yet adjusted to the bright light. Once the room finally came into focus, they were able to make out the interior of the room.

Standing in the center of the room was a large round table, several chairs surrounding it, some pushed in, some not. The walls were white and plain, but on the far side of the room was a large screen made for projections. At the end of the table in front of the projection screen stood an aged but lively man, Arthur Griffin. Behind him, his assistant, Abdul, had his hands behind his back clutching the handle of a large black suitcase. Arthur looked up at the sound of the door opening and a smile appeared on his face, placing his hands behind his back and greeting the boys with enthusiasm. "Hey, fellas'!"

The screech of a chair caused the boys to finally notice a man who had his back turned to them the entire time. He obviously hadn't noticed their arrival and whirled around in his chair, looking furious. It was Big Time Rush's record producer and songwriter, Gustavo Roque. Beside him was his own assistant, Kelly Wainwright, who looked as if she was about to cry. The boys knew that look, the look that told them that something bad was about to happen. It was the same exact look she had on her face when she told the boys that their demos might not get picked, when they were suspended from the palm woods pool, and every time Arthur Griffin made another one of his unreasonable and jeopardizing demands.

Gustavo opened his mouth, looking as if he was about to go on a rant, when Arthur interrupted him, "I'm glad that you have finally arrived, and we can get started on some Big Time Changes! Take a seat."

The faces of the three boys fell as they climbed into the chairs beside Gustavo and Kelly. This couldn't be good. Arthur was about to continue and grabbed a small remote off the table when Kendall raised his hand and cleared his throat. Arthur looked at him expectantly and James and Logan raised their eyebrows.

"Mr. Griffin, sir," Kendall began, hoping his politeness and manners would make Griffin's demand not _too_ unreasonable this time, "How come you asked us to come to your RCMCBT Globalnet Sanyoid office at almost midnight and tell us not to bring Carlos along?"

"Kendall, I really admire your leadership and courage, but if you would close your mouth for a moment, you might just get your answer." Arthur said with a smile. It wasn't a friendly smile either. It was more of a if-you-speak-again-I'll-get-Abdul-to-"or else"- you smile. Kendall frowned and let his hand fall into his lap, knowing that whatever this was, it was not going to be good for any of them.

With a punch of a button, Arthur turned off the lights in the room and the projector overhead lit up the screen behind him. Turning around to face the screen, Arthur punched another button and suddenly a chart appeared on the screen. Numbers lined the sides of the chart, forming and L in the corner. The chart was blank, and Kendall raised one eyebrow questioningly but waited for Arthur to explain, taking his comment to heart.

"These," Arthur said, pointing to the numbers that were lined vertically on the left of the chart, "Represent the number of fan bases such as blogs, Facebook pages, Twitter pages, galleries, _et cetera_. As you can see, the numbers can go from 0 to over 500,000."

"These," The gray haired man continued, pointing at the numbers that lined up horizontally on the bottom of the graph, "Represent the number of months that have gone by since we began taking notice of these fan bases. It ranges from month one to month thirteen."

Clicking a button on the remote, a red line appeared on the graph. It began by hovering somewhere around the 30,000 mark on month one to the 200,000 at the thirteenth month. Tapping on the screen, Arthur began to speak again. "This graph represents the number of fan bases that are completely Kendall centric."

Kendall grinned as he looked at the screen, feeling rather good about himself as he looked at the graph. James and Logan rolled their eyes but listened as Arthur pushed a button on the screen again, the line disappearing and being replaced by another. It began by hovering around the 8,000 mark in the first month but ending around the 200,000 mark in the thirteenth month – same as Kendall's. "This one represents the number of fan bases that are completely Logan centric."

Logan looked slightly taken back when he saw that in the beginning he only had 8,000, but felt relieved when he realized that now he had around the same number of fan bases as Kendall. Knowing he was just as good as Kendall felt good and he gave his blonde friend a high five, ignoring James' impatient clearing of the throat. He obviously wanted to know his ratings, and before he could speak up, Arthur pushed the button again.

The line was replaced once more by another line, this one steeper than the previous two. It began around the 60,000 mark on the first month but ended at the 250,000 mark in the thirteenth mark. Arthur pointed at the line, approval apparent on his aged face. "This line represent's the fan bases that are completely James centric."

A wide smile appeared on James' face as he turned to his two other friends, who gave him a high five. They weren't jealous of his graph, they knew it was his dream to be famous, so they weren't about to make him feel bad for finally achieving said dream. The boys were about to congratulate James when Arthur hit another button and the line was replaced once more. This time, the line began on the 5,000 mark and ended just barely on the 7,000 mark, a pitiful line that the boys knew _had_ to represent the only absent band member, Carlos Garcia. As Arthur began to speak, their observation was confirmed and their excitement quickly faded away.

"This line represents the number of fan bases that are completely Carlos centric. As you boys know, Carlos has never been the most popular one in the band," The boys nodded reluctantly at this, nervously waiting to hear what exactly was on Griffin's mind, "And, I'm sure Gustavo has told you this before, I have invested a _lot_ of money into this boy band. You three have made that investment worth it, earning to many fans over the past few years and selling out concerts all over America. The fans absolutely _adore_ you three, but Carlos is a problem."

"In over nearly a year, with his number of fan bases, most of them being inactive, beginning at a mere 6,000 and only gaining 2,000 – I have had to make some pretty tough decisions." Arthur paused, looking up at the boys as he waited for them to make a sudden outburst. And Kendall did.

"So what are you saying?" The blonde narrowed is eyes, hoping Arthur wasn't about to do what he thought he was going to do.

"Boys, I have invested a _lot_ of money and time into this band," Arthur repeated, "And you three have been able to make it worth it. But Carlos has not satisfied the fans or myself over the years. Due to his lack of popularity among the public, Big Time Rush has been make as much money as it _could_ have made by this point. We have been unable to book as many concerts, receive enough donations at charity events, and sell as much merchandise as we could."

"And what exactly do you expect us to do?" Kendall asked, his voice low as he stood up slowly, his hands pressed against the table as he leaned towards the aged man.

"I have come to the decision that Carlos must be removed from the band and replaced."

The entire room was silent. Gustavo was shaking with anger in his seat beside Logan and Kelly was trying to hold in the tears that brimmed the edges of her eyelids. Kendall, James, and Logan's jaws fell open in unison as they stared, more like _glared_, at Arthur Griffin.

"R-replaced?" Logan whispered, breaking the ice-cold silence. James snapped out of his shocked trance and jumped out of his chair, lunging toward Arthur in anger but was promptly held back by Kendall, whose eyes were blazing with identical fury. Even if they both wanted to kill Arthur at that moment, they couldn't.

"Yes, replaced." Arthur said, ignoring James' outburst. The projector shut off and the lights turned back on with the swift click of a button on the remote, and the gray haired man tossed the black controller onto the table.

"By _who_?" James demanded, his eyes darting towards the door as if he expected Wayne-Wayne to burst into the room at any moment. Arthur chuckled, placing his hands behind his back once more as he spoke.

"That is your job, as it is to break the news to your little friend that he is no longer a part of Big Time Rush. You boys are going on hiatus for a while so that he can get used to the idea, and once you've found your replacement, we can get back to business!" Arthur exclaimed happily, a smile appearing on his features as he spoke. His cheerfulness angered all five people on the other side of the table, causing them to glare their sharpest glares but it had absolutely no effect on the man.

"Do you really expect us to just drop him? Just like that? You're insane!" Kendall exclaimed, earning a mere chuckle from the man before him.

"Since Fujisaki retired a few months ago and I as appointed head of RCMCBT Globalnet Sanyoid, you have to obey my orders. I own Roque Records. I own Big Time Rush. And I own _you_." Arthur explained, pointing to the three boys as he said the last word.

"You can _not_ force us to kick our best friend out of Big Time Rush. We never turn our backs on each other." Kendall spat. Behind him, Logan and James exchanged a worried glance. Arthur obviously had something clever up his sleeve if he was going to make an order like this. He knew Kendall would object, so he would have made his plan fool proof. He always did.

"Oh, Kendall, but I can." Arthur smiled, taking Abdul's suitcase and placing it down on the table. Unlocking the dials, he pulled open the lid and took out a thick contract. "You and your mother both signed this contract three years ago when you were sixteen, correct?"

Kendall's eyes widened as he nodded his head, knowing this wasn't going to be good.

"Well, page six, paragraph two, line four states; If one of the band members proceeds to damage the band's popularity such as tabloid rumors, lack of public popularity, and/or breaks the law – he or she may be removed from the band and replaced with someone who can bring the band's status and reputation back to it's former place." Arthur read, looking back up at the boys when he finished, "And Carlos lacks public popularity and this is critical for the band. He also signed an exact copy of this contract with his mother. Therefore, action must be taken and Carlos must be replaced."

Kendall clenched his fists as hard as he could, his knuckles turning white as his entire body shook with anger. James stood beside him, eyes blazing with fury as he ground his teeth together. Even Logan looked furious, but his eyes were glazed with something else. Defeat. They had all signed identical contracts, skipping over the parts that they thought would never effect their lives, such as the promise earning jetpacks if they caught and killed Arthur's evil clone, and the one that demanded a replacement if one of them was to fail the band.

They had no choice. They had to kick their best friend out of Big Time Rush.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> So…. Yeah. Hope you guys liked the prologue. Please leave a review if you liked it – or if you hated it, doesn't matter, and just tell me what you thought of it! If you saw any typos or something that didn't make sense, please tell me so I can go back and fix it or clarify it. It's always better to write a story with thoughtful critique!

**Kendall:** So why do you call him Arthur instead of Griffin? Everyone else calls him Griffin.

**Me:** If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

**Kendall:** Psh, you wouldn't do that.

**Me:** You're right… I would just steal all of your beanies.

**Kendall:** -shrieks and clutches beanies to chest-


	2. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** So this started out as a really crappy chapter, but then I went back and touched it up and now I'm really proud of how it turned out. It's pretty lengthy compared to a lot of things I've written before, but the more the merrier! I really hope you guys like this chapter, I know I did.

I don't really have that much to say except that I want to give a shout out to Anonymous Skrtle and freakycutiecarlos for leaving a review for the prologue, I really appreciated those! Reviews make me want to write more and more, so keep them coming and I might just update quicker and quicker! I'm really excited to get this story moving, and I hope you are too! This is going to be great!

I'm going to stop talking now and let you get on to the chapter, toodles!

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><p><em><strong>Standing in the Dark - Chapter One<strong>_

Carlos Garcia was jerked from his dreaming state as the loud slam of a door echoed throughout the apartment, causing a few picture frames to rattle and drop from their hooks and onto the floor. Carlos' eyes flew open as he felt his bed shake from the force of the slam, scared for a moment that an earthquake had struck the Palm Woods before remembering that Kendall always slammed the apartment door. Always. It was an old habit from Minnesota, where everyone slammed the doors shut to ensure that they were safely locked and the frigid cold didn't creep through any crack in the hinges. The boys might have been living in California for the past three years, where it never got nearly as cold as it did in Minnesota, but some old habits would never be broken. Rolling over in his bed, Carlos narrowed his eyes as he strained to read the bright green numbers that illuminated off the clock beside his bed. The time read that it was nine thirty in the morning, and the small boy gasped as he sat up in bed like a bolt, thinking he was late. It wasn't until the initial shock had passed did he remember that the band was on hiatus and wouldn't be going to the studio any time soon. Normally, the boys had to be at Roque Records at eight A.M. sharp every day - and he still wasn't used to being able to sleep in.

Yawning, Carlos turned back around and let his head fall onto his white, fluffy pillow. Staring at the white ceiling, he sighed and decided that he might as well get out of bed. He never was one to fancy sleeping in very long, always being the first to wake up and get ready for the long day ahead before they went on hiatus. He even got up before Logan - and _that_ was saying something. Pulling the teal comforter off of his body, Carlos slipped lazily out of his warm bed and let his feet land on the soft carpet beside his bed. Stretching slightly before standing up, Carlos looked over to his roomate, James' side of the room. The boy had obviously woken up some time before the Latino. His bed was perfectly made and the faint stench of Cuda Man Spray drifted from the bathroom, where the door had been left open ajar. Carlos rolled his eyes and staggered over to the closet he shared with the brunette, still obviously tired and waiting for his child like energy to kick it. Reaching into the closet, Carlos picked a plain white t-shirt, a black cardigan, and his favorite pair of dark blue jeans to wear that day. Pulling the clothes on, the Latino slipped his socked feet into a pair of black vans and walked into the bathroom, feeling slightly more awake but still groggy.

He splashed his face with water, successfully waking himself up to the full extend, and smiled at himself in the mirror. Running a comb through his black hair, Carlos didn't bother to style it any special way as he flicked off the bathroom light and bounced down the hallway to the kitchen. He expected to see Kendall, James, and Logan eating breakfast and watching television, but as he entered the room, he realized that nobody was there. The television was off and the remote lay discarded on the couch, a sign that someone had, in fact, watched something that morning but was gone now. As Carlos walked into the kitchen, he noticed three empty cereal bowls in the sink and rolled his eyes.

_They must have left already._ Carlos concluded, remembering the slam of the door that had woken him up. Grabbing a clean bowl from the cabinet and a spoon from the drawer, Carlos poured his favorite cereal and didn't bother to add milk before he sat down at the bar counter and began to eat his delicious breakfast. Even though he was nineteen years old, he still enjoyed cereal as his daily breakfast food above all other - though he didn't mind leftover pizza for breakfast either.

You might be wondering - where was Carlos' helmet? Doesn't he use his beloved helmet as a cereal bowl rather than an appropriate bowl? Well, you see, when Carlos turned eighteen a little over a year ago, he had taken it upon himself to _grow up_. He had decided that if he was old enough to _vote_, he was old enough to stop acting like a child. And when he made that decision, he didn't just mean his helmet. He meant a lot of things, and his helmet was just one of them.

For instance, Carlos had stopped preforming ridiculous stunts that often lead to him and others getting hurt more often then not. His life was a lot easier since he stopping doing stunts, not having to spend a lot of time doctoring himself up and spending more time doing more productive things. It made his friends and the people around him happier to, not having to constantly worry about being injured by a crazy stunt or other. Carlos had also somehow managed to drop his suffocating obsession with corn dogs. He no longer stuck twenty of them in the oven and devoured half the plate before they were even completely cooked. Sure, he still liked to eat the food, but it seemed that his taste buds had changed.

But when Carlos had stopped wearing his helmet, he had also decided to take it upon himself to start caring about his hair. Sure, he would never care as much as James, but he still cared more than he did when he was sixteen. Over the years, he had grown his hair out - not nearly as long as Kendall or James' hair, more like Logan's - and it was styled in a way that really flattered him. The hair on the very top of his head was spiked up and tilted forward and the hair on the sides was left without gel and felt rather fluffy compared to the hair above. His friends, Gustavo, and the public seemed to like his new hair, so he kept it that way and without the helmet to mess it up all the time, he had managed to break quite a few hearts. It wasn't just his sudden attractive looks that broke hearts either, it was the fact that Carlos had also decided to finally come clean about his sexuality. When Carlos admitted that he was gay to his friends and family, they had been pretty accepting. In fact, it was almost as if they had expected it, but Carlos was happy nonetheless. He didn't have to worry about it anymore, and hardly anybody gave him grief about it - but there was still a girl every once in a while that would try and get him to straighten out for her but it never worked.

There was also something else Carlos had achieved from his sudden maturity - a love for photography. When Logan let the younger boy borrow his camera one day while they were walking around Los Angeles, Carlos had been unable to stop taking pictures of everything in sight. He would take pictures of shops, cafes, people, animals, nature, everything that crossed his path. Some days, Carlos would just borrow poor Logan's camera and spend the day walking on the beach, taking pictures of the ocean and the people around it or in a tree at the Palm Woods park, snapping photos of people practicing their lines, playing kickball, and even a few couples who shared their pink smoothies on the wooden benches below. Carlos took so many pictures that half the time, Logan hardly had enough room to use his camera for it's intended purpose. Finally, the raven haired boy decided to go out and buy Carlos his very own camera for his birthday. Of course, the younger boy adored the camera and hardly ever went somewhere without it. And damn, Carlos took some pretty _good_ pictures. He had even considered taking a part time job and earning extra money by working for a photography company, but he had never found the time around his constantly busy schedule. Even now that they were on hiatus, Carlos decided that he didn't want to take pictures because he had to, but because he wanted to.

Once the Latino finished his breakfast and placed the bowl beside the others in the sink, he picked the beloved camera off the counter and slipped the strap over his neck and left the apartment - making sure not to knock it off it's hinges like Kendall almost did earlier that morning.

_**At Palm Woods Park...**_

Carlos grunted as he hoisted himself up into the highest tree in the Palm Woods Park, the branch creaking under his weight as he did so. Careful not to slip, the small body leaned against the sturdy trunk and flipped the switch on his camera, turning it on and watching the screen light up with the familiar Canon logo. A familiar chime rang in his ears as the perfect high quality screen loaded up and began to search for something to take a picture of. From his perch, he could see the famous Hollywood sign in the distance, the sun lighting up the white letters perfectly. Lifting his camera, Carlos zoomed in on the sign and waited for the screen to focus before he snapped a picture. Admiring the picture for a minute, Carlos lifted the camera again and looked around the park, searching for something that might catch his eye.

A group of kids were playing kickball among the trees, but Carlos didn't feel very interested in their game. The kids weren't very good at the game, not since Katie left to go back to Minnesota with Ms. Knight, so Carlos kept searching. His eyes finally landed on a boy and a girl sitting at one of the benches close to his tree. The girl had long, curly auburn hair and a yellow sundress complimented her tan skin. She was laughing and holding hands with the boy who smiled at her, his blue eyes shining and long black hair getting messed up by a sudden gust of wind. Carlos smiled as he focused the camera and took a picture, knowing he would have to show the couple the picture later. He knew the two of them personally, both being stars on the new teen drama that everyone in town was buzzing about. Carlos couldn't remember the name of it, since it only began airing a few weeks ago, but since he befriended the two, he decided that he would have to start watching it.

After that, Carlos let his camera fall into his lap as he looked up through the tree branches at the sky. He liked being so high up in the trees, were nothing could bother him and the sky was so open. He didn't feel so pressured up here, like he normally did among the people of Hollywood. But this was a life he had chosen for himself. It wasn't as if he didn't like his job - he loved it - but it was good to take a break.

It was good for the guys too. They hadn't spent much time together since Gustavo announced their hiatus a week ago, and come to think of it, Carlos hadn't really talked to them at all. Every time he asked if they wanted to hang out or do something together, they would have already made plans or remember they had to do something. Carlos didn't mind it though, it was good that they were getting a break from each other after spending so much time together. Even though he was feeling refreshed after having so much time on his own lately, he couldn't help but miss them. He couldn't even remember holding a conversation with any of them over the past week - not even James, his roommate - but it wasn't worth fretting over. The guys just needed their space, and Carlos was more than willing to give it to them.

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><p>James sighed with frustration as he took a sip from his pink smoothie before setting it down roughly on the round table. Logan exchanged a nervous glance with Kendall, who just rolled his eyes and took a sip from his own smoothie. The three boys were sitting outside on the patio at the new cafe that had opened just a block from the Palm Woods. James crossed his arms on the table and hunched over, glaring at the people around them who were laughing and smiling. They weren't having to worry about hurting one of their best friends, and James envied them.<p>

"I don't know how were going to do this." James grumbled finally, taking another angry sip and slamming it down on the table dramatically. Logan jumped back a little as a bit of smoothie flew towards him from the straw, but didn't make a comment about it. He knew better than to make James more angry than he already was, so he remained silent as he pinched the bridge of his nose, nodding in agreement with his best friend's words.

"We've been avoiding him all week, he is bound to realize something is up sooner or later. He might be oblivious a majority of the time, but even Carlos would notice that something is wrong." Kendall murmured around the straw of his smoothie, taking a sip and sighing dramatically.

The guys had been contemplating a way to break the news to Carlos ever since Arthur had given the orders exactly one week ago. They didn't want to hurt him, but it was in a contract that all four of them had signed. Carlos had no choice but to quit the band. Honestly, the fact that Carlos had to quit the band wasn't as bad as having to actually tell him. They all knew that Carlos was bringing them down, but they had been too blinded by their friendship to accept it, or even notice for that matter.

"You know, Griffin is making a good decision by making us do this." Logan whispered, hoping he wouldn't anger his friends but speaking the truth out of habit. Kendall sighed and placed his smoothie down on the table, closing his eyes for a moment before speaking.

"I know." He admitted, finding it a lost easier to say then he thought it would have been, "We all know that having Carlos in the band isn't the best for us. He brings us down. He _always_ has trouble with the new songs, dances, and gets stage fright more often than a middle schooler on opening night in an amateur production of _Annie_."

"It took him nearly two years to realize that helmet was bad for his image," James added, saying 'helmet' the way most people would say 'vomit', " I can't believe Gustavo didn't do away with it sooner."

"And he never takes our advice when we tell him that he should be hanging around other stars for good publicity, but he doesn't _want_ to." Logan frowned, joining in on the conversation, "I mean, I know he's openly gay, and I respect that, but he didn't have to be so god damn stubborn when Griffin told him to pretend to date Debby Ryan to boost the band's popularity."

"I know right? Debby was ready to jump at that opportunity, since that rumor was spread about her eating disorder, but Carlos just wouldn't go for it." Kendall grumbled, really getting into the conversation. Normally, neither of the three would ever speak badly about one of their best friends, but it felt good to finally get it out. After dealing with Carlos over the years, they needed to speak their frustrations.

"I think he deserves to be kicked out of the band. He obviously doesn't care about it," James spat, realizing his dream was being dragged down by his short friend, "He never wanted this anyway."

"So what do we do?" Logan asked cautiously.

A grin made it's way slowly onto James' slips as a plan began to form in his mind. He never thought he would be planning a way to ruin his best friend's life, but he wasn't the guy he ever thought he would be either. Living in Hollywood, if only it had been for three long years, had changed him. In this town, people did not try to preserve life long friendships oh no, they didn't have time for that and only had the time to care for themselves and their own work. In this town, everyone fought for the same thing - the top. To be the star of all the new movies, to be featured in every new song, to appear as a guest star on popular television shows and be interviewed by the late night hosts. To be as famous as one could possibly be - that was what everyone in this town was fighting for. James wanted that. It had been his dream to be famous for as long as he could remember, and he wasn't about to let Carlos bring him down as he was _so close_ to the top.

Yes, Hollywood had changed all of them into the people they never thought they would be. In the beginning, they were down to earth guys with a tight friendship that they promised to never let go of, but Hollywood had made that nearly impossible. They had to do this, for the sake of the band - and for themselves.

Carlos was in for a bumpy ride.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> So, what did you think? I'm kind of proud of the length of this chapter, as I said before, so there has got to be something that you guys want to say! Please leave me a review if you liked this chapter, or hated it, whichever. There wasn't much that went down here, but I do have a _lot_ in store for this story and I know you guys are going to love it. There are twists in here that you definitely will not be expecting, and you will _not_ be disappointed.

Also, I will try to update tomorrow with chapter two, but I probably won't be able to. I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow and Saturday, but I will get it up by Sunday at the most, so you guys won't have to wait that long. Can you wait? I can't!

**Carlos:** Dude, I want a camera now.

**James:** Then go to the store and buy one.

**Carlos:** UGH. GAH. BLARG. GROAN. UGHHH.

**James:** Are you all right? Those noises aren't normal. You might want to get that checked out.


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Hey, guys! I am in a _really_ good mood right now so I decided to write the new chapter! I am really happy about how it turned out, it really put me in a good mood, and I hope it does it for you as well. I have been having quite a few bad days lately but today has been different and was definitely story updating worthy. I decided to finally introduce a character that I am madly in love with. He's just so freaking adorable!

I really hope you guys like this chapter. On to the story!

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><p><em><strong>Standing in the Dark - Chapter Two<strong>_

"Carlos!"

The boy in the tree lowered his camera as his head tilted towards the noise, trying to locate who was calling to him. Almost instantly, he recognized Camille standing on the roots of the tree, her hands on her hips and a frown laid out across her features. Carlos smiled nervously at the girl, wondering what he had done wrong this time. It was never fun to have Camille angry with you – especially if you had no idea what you did wrong.

"H-Hey, Camille." He heard his voice crack on the first word and mentally slapped himself. _Show no signs of weakness, Carlos._

"Get. Down. Here. _Now_." She ordered angrily, pointing at the ground to emphasize the last word. Carlos turned his camera off and leaned over the side of the branch, attempting to stall before he got down to Camille's level but failing miserably at it.

Camille pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at him as she snapped, "_Now._"

Carlos tried to slide off the branch gracefully, but ended up slipping too quickly and landed on his feet beside Camille, yelping in fear when the brunette turned to glare at him. Surprisingly, her eyes were happy and excitement glistened in her brown orbs. Giving her a confused look, Carlos tried to open his mouth but Camille grabbed his wrist and began dragging the poor boy through the park.

"Um, Camille… why are you angry with me?" Carlos asked, wincing slightly when Camille stopped suddenly and brought him to a halt as well. Expecting her to turn around and slap him, Carlos flinched back with his eyes closed but when nothing came, he opened his eyes again and realized Camille was just _smiling_ at him.

"I'm not angry with you! I was just making you _think_ I was angry with you so you would come down from the tree!" She explained, flashing her white teeth. Carlos glared at her and tried to pull his arm out of her grip, but failed and instead whined in protest.

"But, Camille, I was busy taking pictures!"

The brunette rolled her eyes, never letting go of his wrist, "You take pictures all day, _every_ day! Besides, I have someone that I want you to meet."

Carlos' angered look faded away and was replaced with a curious one. Camille noticed his curious features and continued to lead him through the park, finding it a lot easier to bring him along when he wasn't struggling. The two of them ran all the way to the large black gate labeled _The Palm Woods Park_ until they reached the sidewalk on the other side. Releasing Carlos' wrist, she watched with amusement as the boy caught his breath.

"Camille… where are we… going?" Carlos asked between breaths, sitting up straight and looking back at his tree with longing eyes. He liked being up in his tree, even when he didn't have his camera. It was a good place to go and just _think_ sometimes, without anyone to bother you.

"There's an old coffee shop by Hawk Records that makes the _best_ coffee in the entire state! A friend of mine works there and the other day we got to talking about you and the guys and he really wants to meet you." She explained, her hair being blown over her shoulders as the wind struck her from behind. Carlos smirked as he struggled to fix her hair and stuck his hands in his back pockets absent-mindedly.

"Does he want to meet the other guys too? Because I can go get-" The Latino began before Camille cut him off with the wave of her hand.

"No, no. He wants to meet _you_." She insisted, grabbing his wrist again and leading him down the street towards Hawk Records. Carlos didn't protest at all this time and decided not to ask any more questions. This was the longest Camille had ever gone without slapping him or any of the other guys – and he would rather keep it that way than find out why this friend of hers wanted to meet _him_ of all people.

Hawk Records was quite a ways from the Palm Woods – but the two of them didn't mind. Camille seemed loaded with stories to entertain them as they walked past several strip malls, an elementary school, a dance studio, and several other places. Carlos hardly paid attention to Camille as they walked, observing the places around them instead. He had never really taken the time to stop and just _look_ at Los Angeles. It was just so… amazing. There was loads of art, stores that Carlos had never heard of before, and so many things everywhere. How could he have lived in this city for three years and never notice how much he fit in? He and Camille walked past a photography school, where he saw a group of teenagers were discussing a photojournalist from the 90s. He smiled at them and they waved – a friendly greeting that Carlos hadn't expected.

"Is it always like this?" Carlos asked suddenly, interrupting Camille who was going on about some guys audition for Wizards of Rodeo Drive who thought it was for a grape juice commercial. She looked annoyed for a moment before looking back at the friendly teenagers, who had resumed their conversation.

"You mean you've never walked around the city?" She asked curiously.

"No, I have… I just haven't…."

"Paid attention?"

"Yeah."

Camille nodded and the two continued to walk in silence. She seemed to realize finally that Carlos didn't really care about her stories, and she respected that. It wasn't long before she spotted the tall, silver building with the words _Hawk Records_ glistening in the sunlight. "The shop is right across the street." Camille told Carlos and he nodded, the two of them quickening their pace as they got nearer.

Five minutes later, they finally reached their destination. Carlos smiled as the smell of coffee hit him when a customer opened the door to leave. Coffee was his favorite smell and the cool air around him made him smile. It really was a beautiful day outside, no clouds in sight and the sun keeping it from getting too chilly outside. Camille lead the way to the entrance but Carlos reached behind her and opened the door, holding it open for her before she could even touch the knob. The brunette thanked him quickly and walked in, quickly followed by Carlos who let the door swing shut behind him.

Hardly anyone was in the dim lighted shop, except for a woman who was sitting beside the windows in a navy blue pantsuit and was talking on the phone quietly. The coffee smell was stronger inside, but it just made Carlos' mood even better. Behind the counter was a single man – who Carlos assumed was the friend Camille wanted him to meet.

He was actually pretty attractive looking. Hot, even. He had curly dirty blonde hair that stood up off his scalp and glistened from the hair gel he must use to keep it from falling in front of his face. He had bright brown eyes and sun kissed skin, but looked pale compared to Carlos' Latin skin. His nose and cheeks were dappled with tiny freckles and a silver ring glistened from the cartilage of the tip of his right ear. He was fairly tall, just slightly shorter than James and he was wearing a tan polo shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his muscle tone visible on his biceps and forearms. Over the shirt, he was wearing a dark green apron with the coffee shop's logo on it. Carlos couldn't help but stare at him until Camille snapped her fingers in front of his face – bringing the Latino out of his trance.

"Carlos, this is my friend, Bradley Owens." Camille introduced, gesturing towards the man behind the counter who smiled at Carlos with perfectly white teeth. "Bradley, this is Carlos Garcia."

"It's great to meet you." Bradley said kindly, stepping around the counter and walking towards Carlos with his hand extended. Carlos gladly took the hand and shook it, a huge smile laid out across his features. He noticed that Bradley smelled of coffee and cigarette smoke, though the coffee dominated over the smell of nicotine and Carlos couldn't help but feel as if he was floating as he breathed in the smell.

"It's nice to meet you too." Carlos said absently, staring at the man in front of him in awe. Sure, he had seen a _lot_ of attractive people in his life and Bradley was one of them. Something about the man was different than the rest, but Carlos couldn't quite figure it out just yet.

"Have you ever been to the _Bean & Gone Café_ before? I don't think I've ever seen you around." Bradley suddenly asked, tilting his head to the side and looking Carlos up and down. The Latino smirked. He knew this trick. Bradley was trying to check him out without being obvious, and honestly, it was hilarious, but Carlos couldn't bring himself to laugh. He was still in his trance.

"Nope. I hardly ever come to this part of town. My record producer is kind of at war with the one across the street." Carlos explained, using his thumb to point at Hawk Records through the window. Bradley nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, Camille mentioned you were in a band. Big Time Rush, right?"

Carlos nodded, his smile never fading. Camille was standing off to the side, looking pleased with herself. She definitely should become a matchmaker. She placed a hand on each of the boys' shoulders, interrupting their conversation reluctantly.

"Bradley just turned twenty last month." She winked obviously at Carlos and the Latino rolled his eyes. The blonde was the same age as Kendall and James, but that didn't mean the two were going to fall in love and live happily ever after. As dreamy as Bradley Owens might seem, Carlos tried to keep it realistic. Even though Bradley was obviously gay, Carlos wasn't sure that he was looking for a relationship – especially since he had never had one before.

"Really?" Carlos asked, trying to keep the conversation going. Bradley nodded. "I'm nineteen – my birthday is in a few months."

"Hey guys, I'm going to head back to the Palm Woods. Its getting dark and I wouldn't want to be caught walking home at night in Los Angeles." Camille told them sadly, taking a step backwards towards the door.

The two boys looked out the window and noticed the sun was sinking behind the large buildings. Carlos turned to Camille with a frown, "What about me?"

"I get off work in about thirty minutes. I can drive you back." Bradley assured him, flashing the Latino a friendly smile.

"Thanks, man." The boys each hugged Camille as she walked out of the coffee shop, heading back towards the Palm Woods quickly. Why she didn't want to ride home with Bradley, Carlos had no idea – maybe to give the two a little time alone. Realizing this, Carlos silently thanked the girl and turned back to Bradley, who was watching the Latino with an amused grin.

"What?"

"Nothing, really." Bradley said, stifling a chuckle as he walked back around the counter and began to set everything up for the guy on the night shift, "It's funny. Camille is like, _obsessed_ with getting me to start seeing someone. I bet she dragged you out of whatever you were doing today just so you could meet me, right?"

Carlos leaned against the counter, folding his arms and watching as Bradley stocked up the cups in all sizes. "Nah, I wasn't going anything important." He chuckled, "She's been doing the same with me. It's like she thinks a person can't function without a significant other."

Bradley laughed at how true Carlos' statement was, "That girl is crazy, but I don't know what I'd do without her."

Carlos stood there silently for a few minutes, just watching Bradley set everything up before speaking again, "So, you took an acting class?"

The blonde nodded, "Yeah. Not for long, though. Acting isn't really my forte. I model for clothing lines now, though."

Carlos' eyes widened at Bradley's words. "One of my best friends would love to model for a clothing line. He's obsessed with Cuda and would do anything to be _The Face_ of Cuda."

"They wanted me to model for one of their hair products, but I refused."

"Why?"

"I hate the smell." Bradley replied simply and Carlos smirked. He hated the smell of the Cuda products but James used it so often, he had kind of gotten used to it over the years.

"If my friend ever heard you say that, you wouldn't live to see the light of another day." Carlos glanced out the window at the darkening city. The buildings and shops were beginning to light up – an advantage of being in the downtown portion of the city. Carlos was glad that Camille hadn't taken him to a shady part of town. _That_ would have been frightening at night where none of the buildings lit up and people got mugged more often than not.

"Is your friend in the band?" Bradley asked curiously.

Carlos nodded, "James Diamond. My other two best friends are in the band too, Logan Mitchell and Kendall Knight."

"Where are they?"

"You know what?" Carlos asked, tilting his head to the side and frowning, "I'm not sure."

The blonde chuckled and looked up as a ding sounded throughout the shop. In the doorway was a tall, dark skinned man with hair divided into cornrows. The man smiled at Bradley and the two of each other slapped each other five. Bradley undid his apron and handed it towards the man, "Hey, Nate. You fine taking the night shift by yourself? Mandy never showed up today."

The man, namely Nate, nodded in an I-got-this way before taking Bradley's apron. "She must have partied too hard last night. I'm surprised she hasn't been fired yet."

Bradley rolled his eyes, "It's because her uncle owns the store and if he fired her, her dad would probably throw a bitch-fit like always."

Carlos couldn't help but laugh at that and Nate turned around, finally noticing the Latino that was leaning against the counter. He raised an eyebrow and turned back towards Bradley with a suggestive wiggle of the eyebrows. Bradley frowned and slapped Nate on the shoulder before grabbing his keys off the counter and gesturing for Carlos to follow him.

"See you later, Nate." Bradley called as the two of them exited the shop.

"I never knew people were this friendly downtown." Carlos murmured without thinking, amazed.

"You must hang around a lot of _stars_, then." Bradley said, putting air quotations around the word stars. Carlos sighed and nodded, "Yeah. Everyone at the Palm Woods acts as though they're better than everyone else."

"You should spend some more time around here. Not many Hollywood Stars hang around here and you might make some really good, lifelong friends." The blonde said as the two reached a white car parked beside the curb. Carlos smiled at the car. It wasn't flashy like everyone else's. It looked a bit beat up and used, so Carlos guessed it wasn't bought brand-new. Everyone at the Palm Woods bought the newest and most expensive cars. It was nice to see someone who bought something actually inside their budget.

Climbing into the car, the two men closed the doors simultaneously. They looked at each other and began laughing, something Carlos felt he hadn't done in a very long time. Bradley started the car once the laughing had stopped and the two of them pulled out onto the street. They began driving towards the highway, but Bradley veered off on a street Carlos had never heard of before. "You're not taking the highway?"

Bradley snorted, "Of course not. Too much traffic. I like to take the back roads. It takes a little bit longer but minus the irritation of traffic."

Carlos nodded in understanding, his mouth forming an 'o' as he took in Bradley's logic. The blonde hit the button on the radio and turned it on Carlos' favorite station. The Latino smiled and started singling along to Domino by Jessie J. Bradley started singing with him, though he wasn't as good as the boy in the passenger seat. It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered at that point.

Night drives were always Carlos' favorite thing to do – especially with great music and friends. Although he had only known Bradley for less than an hour, he already felt a connection between them. He liked this guy. Maybe not in a lets-get-it-on way but at least in a we-should-hang-out-more-often way.

Before Carlos knew it, Bradley had pulled up outside the Palm Woods. He parked the car and turned to Carlos, who looked reluctant to get out of the car. "We should hang out again, soon." Bradley suggested with a smile.

"Definitely." Carlos grinned. The blonde reached into his pocket, pulling out a white iPhone and handing it to Carlos. The Latino quickly put his number in, knowing exactly what Bradley wanted him to do and handed the blonde his own phone. Once both numbers had been exchanged, Carlos climbed out of the car and turned back to Bradley once more before closing the door.

"Thanks for driving me home."

"No problem."

With a smile, Carlos closed the door and waved as Bradley started the car and drove away. He could see the blonde wave back in his rearview mirror. Grinning to himself, Carlos turned around and headed into the Palm Woods.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So did you like it as much as I did? If you did, that's great! If you didn't, that's good too. Tell me about it and leave a review – those are always inspirational and make me want to update even more.

Also, did you guys like Bradley? He's a character that I conjured up a few months ago and he's been running through my mind night and day, it's like my iPod's stuck on replay.

See what I did there? … I really need to stop listening to the radio while writing. ANYWAY, I hope you guys liked it!

**Carlos:** -singsong voice- I'm in a good mood _now_!

**James:** You're always in a good mood.

**Carlos:** That's just your jealousy talking.


	4. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:** Hey guys! I'm really sorry for not updating sooner, but I have just had the _worst _week of my life. Seriously. But Friday afternoon I went out and bought some really cheap clothes that put me in a summer-y mood, so it's slowly getting better! I finally got around to writing this chapter last night, but I stopped halfway through and then wrote some more this morning and revised most of what I wrote last night. So, yeah, it's been a crazy writing day. Sorry if it's repetitive, I'll reread it later and fix it up later. Hope you like it anyway!

I might update the next chapter today, depending on how long I get to use the computer, or I might just write a little one-shot drabble later. Anyway, there will be something for you to look forward to.

Toodles!

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><p><em><strong>Standing in the Dark – Chapter Three<strong>_

Carlos unlocked the door to the apartment and pushed it open, not surprised when the interior was almost completely dark. The only thing that provided light for the large apartment was the faint rays of sunlight that filtered through the semi open blinds and the light from the hallway where Carlos was standing. The guys always left the lights off in the apartment during the day, half because it was hot enough in the California heat and half because they were hardly ever home during the day. Leaving the front door open so he wouldn't run into something hidden in the dark, Carlos ran his fingers along the side of the counter and stopped when they brushed against a number of light switches beside the bar. Pushing a few select buttons, Carlos watched as the perfect amount of light filled the apartment. It wasn't too dark but it wasn't too bright either - _perfect_. Reaching for the black strap of his camera that was slung around his collar, Carlos pulled it over his head and placed his beloved camera on the counter gently. The red light in the corner signaled that it was close to dying and Carlos made a mental note to charge his camera later that night and to save his pictures on his computer before he went to bed. He always saved his pictures to his computer, just in case something happened to his camera. Of course, he deleted quite a few but there were always a few great shots that he saved to a folder on his desktop.

Turning around so he could close the door, Carlos jumped when he saw a silhouette in the hallway. He immediately recovered from his mini-heart attack when he realized it was just Camille. Walking over to the door, Carlos raise one eyebrow when he noticed that she was beaming at him. The girl didn't bother to be invited in, she knew Carlos was about to ask her to come in anyway, and strutted into the apartment. She stopped by the couch and whipped around, hands on her hips and a huge smile laid out across her features. Carlos closed the door and faced her, looking a bit nervous in the presence of the girl. She hadn't slapped him, or _anybody_ for that matter, all day, so he knew that it had to be coming soon.

"Uh, Cam-"

"So what did you think about Bradley? Did you like him? He's a great person, isn't he?" Camille kept the questions coming, her mouth running a mile a minute. Carlos listened to her never-ending questions as he climbed into one of the bar stools and Camille jumped into the one beside him. "What did you guys talk about? Did you meet any of his friends?"

As Camille went on and on, Carlos blocked her out and tried to answer a few of them in his mind. What _did_ he think of Bradley? Sure, Carlos had known a _lot_ of guys in his life, he even thought that he loved some of them, but Bradley was different from the rest. Almost everyone in Hollywood was completely obsessed with fame, fortune, publicity, and competition - things that Carlos could really care less for. He was fine where he was in Big Time Rush. He didn't need to be more famous than he already was, but it seemed like everyone else would disagree with him. Everyone at the Palm Woods were always competing with each other over the stupidest things such as who had the most expensive things or who could score the biggest role in a stupid mini-series or made for television movie. They were always trying to reach the top and when they seemed to finally reach their goal, they tried harder to be even _more_ famous. Carlos didn't understand their craving for fame, but he didn't try to change them either. Hollywood had done that for him. Walking into the Palm Woods lobby was like walking into the Barbie Doll aisle at the store.

Hollywood had shaped everyone he knew into self-centered "stars" who only cared about their own selves and their own fame. When Carlos, Kendall, James, and Logan had first moved to California, they made a promise. They promised to never let Hollywood change them and that they would always be the four hockey players from Minnesota. At first, they had managed to stick to the promise. Kendall always gave them one of his famous inspirational speeches when it seemed they were drifting apart and loosing themselves in the pressures of Hollywood, but Carlos hadn't heard one of his best friend's speeches in over a year. It seemed that even Kendall, the strong headed and confident unofficial leader had given in to the town. Even the band's genius, Logan, had failed to keep his promise. He still had a passion for the medical field, but Carlos had seen the layer of dust that covered the raven-haired boy's textbooks in his bedroom. Even _James_, who had dreamed of becoming a star for as long as Carlos could remember, had failed them. Even if he had always been obsessed with his looks and fame from the beginning, James Diamond had never broken a promise to anyone.

Don't get me wrong; Carlos had done his fair share of typical Hollywood behavior. There still was the whole Debby Ryan ordeal that his friends never let him hear the end of - but he didn't _want_ publicity. He was perfectly fine being where he was in this town. Sure, James wanted to reach the top just like everyone else, and it was no surprise to Carlos that Kendall and Logan did to.

But, that was what Carlos really liked about Bradley. He had obviously lived in Los Angeles for a long time, since he knew almost everyone and managed to drive all the way across town to the Palm Woods without getting lost a single time. Even Carlos, after living in California for three years, still got lost on his way to the Palm Woods in the big city. But Bradley hadn't let Hollywood shape him into one of the plastic people that swarmed the city's streets. In the car, Bradley had explained that, even though he had taken the job as a model, he remained working at the coffee shop so he could spend more time on the suburban side of the city. Where people weren't so wrapped up in fame that they forgot about the people around them. Just the friendly exchange that Carlos had seen between Bradley and Nate made him think about how he acted with his own friends.

He hadn't even held a conversation with one of them at all that week. At that realization, Carlos frowned and was brought back to reality as Camille punched him in the shoulder roughly. Almost toppling out of his chair, Carlos rubbed at his shoulder and glared at the curly haired girl, who looked frustrated with the boy beside her. "Carlos!" She whined-slash-yelled, "Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry, Cami, I just have a lot on my mind." Carlos sighed, placing his elbows on the cold tile and rubbing at his temples to ease the headache that he suspected was going to arrive soon. Camille's annoyance suddenly vanished and was replaced with worry. Carlos never had a lot on his mind, and judging from the way he was acting, she didn't think it was good things either. She placed a hand on his shoulder, where a bruise was probably forming now, and rubbed circles into the bone with her thumb in a comforting manner. Not many people knew it, but when the two were alone, Camille acted like a mother towards the Latino. He had never really had a decent mother figure in his life, so she made it her mission to make up for that. She might be younger than him, but her words of wisdom always seemed to work wonders in the mind of Carlos Garcia.

"I've noticed that you and the guys haven't spent much time together." Camille whispered, feeling a bit nervous about bringing up the guys. All week they had been acting rather edgy and paranoid, as if they were hiding something. Camille didn't think the guys were the types to hide anything, but she couldn't be sure. Carlos said nothing as he continued to rub at his temples, feeling his headache begin to worsen. "Is something up?"

"I have no idea. They've been avoiding me all week and making excuses to leave every time I try to hang out with them. I haven't seen them at all today, but I'm sure they'll be home soon. They might be reckless, but the guys always come home before seven o'clock, even if they do plan on leaving again." Carlos mumbled, leaning into Camille's touch. He has glad that she was so comforting to him. It was nice to have someone you could actually talk to - without them trying to avoid you every chance they got.

"All right." Camille let her hand fall into her lap as the two sat there for a few minutes in silence. Finally, she stood up off the chair and flattened her shorts with her hands. "I'm going to head down to the lobby. Jo wants me to teach her how to be aggressive for the role she's auditioning for. Call me if you need anything." Carlos smiled and waved as the girl left the apartment, closing his eyes as the door swung closed. A wave of exhaustion came over him and he rested his head down on the counter, hoping to get some time alone in the quite apartment before his friends got home. That hope was short lived though, as the door was flung open and the loud footsteps and shouting of the guys split through the air. Carlos groaned in frustration and sat up again, glaring at the guys for disrupting him. They didn't seem to notice him though, as they were too wrapped up in their own conversation to pay attention to anything else.

"James, come on. You are being overly dramatic." Logan sounded rather annoyed as he tossed his car keys onto the counter, causing a loud cling that made Carlos cringe. He could feel his headache worsening as he resumed his position of rubbing his temples, trying his best to block out the way-too-loud noises from his friends.

"I am _not_ being overly dramatic!" James protested, stomping past Carlos without a word of acknowledgement before sitting down on the couch. His face was twisted into a frown and he was obviously not as amused as Kendall who had followed the two into the apartment, trying his hardest not to laugh. "You _always_ get to drive _and_ you have had your license longer than any of us. Why can't _I_ drive home once in a while?"

"I don't even know why we took the car, to be honest. It was only a block from the Palm Woods." Kendall added, pushing past Logan and dropping down on the couch beside James. The brunette was fuming and shoved Kendall, not hard enough to push him off the couch, but hard enough to make him rub his shoulder in pain.

"Still. I hardly ever get to drive. It's always you and Kendall who get behind the wheel." James continued, his voice high pitched with anger. Logan sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose before walking into the living room and stopping beside the bright orange couch.

"Listen, you can drive tomorrow, all right?" The genius offered, not wanting to make the argument go any farther. James flashed Logan a bright and agreeing smile as he turned to face the television and leaned back against the cushion as Kendall turned on the latest hockey game.

Carlos sighed with relief once more, happy that his friends weren't going to get into a heated argument tonight. He really wasn't in the mood. Even though he knew as well as the others that James was behind the wheel just as much as Logan, he didn't want to make the brunette mad. An angry James always resulted in a bad night for everyone – and nobody was left without at least a few bruises.

"Hey, guys." Carlos finally greeted them, turning around in his seat and facing the three men on the couch.

"Shut up, Carlos, the game is on." Kendall snapped, causing Carlos to look a bit taken back. Kendall wasn't one to snap, at least, that wasn't the way he used to be.

Crestfallen, Carlos turned back around and crossed his arms on the counter, resting his head down on the makeshift pillow until a commercial came on and Logan walked casually into the kitchen.

"Tired?" Logan asked quietly, his voice cracking slightly. Carlos failed to notice the genius' anxiety, and nodded into the crook of his elbow.

"Yeah."

The two of them fell silent as Logan washed the leftover dishes from that morning and loaded them into the dishwasher. As the raven-haired boy was lining up plates on the white rack, Carlos looked him, his eyes sparkling. He hadn't spoken to the guys all week, and he was itching to start _some_ form of conversation with them. He figured that he could bring up Bradley as a conversation starter. The guys might want to meet him, and maybe then everyone would go back to the way they were before Hollywood shaped them into what they were today.

"So, Camille and I walked into town today-" Carlos began, but was cut off as Logan's head shot up and the plate clanged into the dishwasher. Nothing broke, but it was enough to startle all four boys.

"Why were you with Camille?" Logan asked defensively, and Carlos wondered if the raven-haired boy had forgotten that his friend was gay. Instead of bringing up that fact, knowing that it was an awkward subject with his friends, Carlos decided to explain.

"Well, I was taking pictures this morning and she-"

"Carlos, you're _always_ taking pictures." Kendall grumbled irritably as he walked into the kitchen, taking a cup out of the cabinet and pouring himself a glass of water. Carlos narrowed his eyes at Kendall, wandering what had gotten him into such a sour mood.

"What's up with you?"

"What's up with _you_?"

"Kendall, what does that even mean?"

Kendall rolled his eyes and took a sip from his cup, avoiding Carlos' gaze. The blonde looked over his shoulder and exchanged a strange look with Logan. Carlos raised one eyebrow as he looked at the two of them. Kendall, Logan, and James had been acting strange _all week_. Avoiding him, leaving unexpectedly, coming up with excused that Carlos knew were lies but let slide instead. Logan closed the dishwasher and stood in the middle of the kitchen awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do with himself as he waited for Kendall to say something.

"But seriously, Carlos. You spend too much time taking pictures." Kendall said harshly, acting as though taking pictures was a sin against nature and Carlos would go to hell if he did it too much.

"Is that a problem?" The Latino questioned.

"Yes." James was watching the conversation between the two boys from the couch, a nervous pit in his stomach beginning to form. Away from Carlos, he could rant all he wanted about how much he disliked the younger boy, but in his presence, Carlos was still his younger brother. He was beginning to regret the plan they had made at the café, but kept his mouth shut. It had to be done. "You should start doing things that are more productive. Get a hobby."

Carlos tightened his fist, his knuckles slowly turning white. "It _is_ a hobby!"

Kendall mumbled something incoherent and Carlos leaned forward, his eyes narrowed as his blood began to boil in anger. "What was that? I couldn't quite make it out."

A grin passed its way across Kendall's features as he spoke louder this time; his words clear as day to all three boys. "I said; that it is a hobby for a _gay_ person."

Carlos' brown eyes turned black as he clenched his teeth together. He never though that Kendall, of all people, would make fun of him for being gay. Leaping out of his chair and over the counter, Carlos lunged at Kendall. He blindly swung his arm and gasped in surprise as his fist collided with Kendall's chin. Fire burned in the blonde's eyes as he swung his fist in Carlos' direction, hitting the Latino square in the eye. Before they could _really_ start fighting, Carlos felt someone grab him from behind. James' strong arms restrained him as Logan pulled Kendall's arms behind his back. The two boys glared at each other, breathing heavily as fire burned in each others eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Kendall?" Carlos yelled, feeling tears start to swell in the corners of his eyes. Everything had happened to fast, and he wasn't sure exactly what was happening. Out of the blue, Kendall had made fun of his sexuality and _punched him_. Sure, Carlos punched him first, but who wouldn't hit someone who made fun of you for something you couldn't control? Kendall said nothing but instead pulled away from Logan, slowly calming himself down. He remained silent as he stormed back into the living room and flopped down on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose and ignoring the intense game that was playing on the television.

James released his younger friend and Carlos stumbled forward, a single tear streaking down his cheek. The two brunette boys exchanged a glance but made no move to comfort their youngest friend. Carlos glared at them in disbelief before pushing past James and walking down the hallway towards his bedroom. He slammed the door behind him and crawled onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow and letting the tears fall.

He had no idea why Kendall had been to randomly mean. Did he do something to piss the blonde off? Trying to remember any recent times when he messed up, Carlos' mind drew a blank and the tears just fell harder. The look in Kendall's eyes had been unmistakable. They had glistened with hatred and Carlos couldn't figure out why. Rolling over onto his beck, Carlos stared up at the ceiling with his tear stained cheeks. Taking a few deep breaths, the Latino swallowed roughly and blinked, trying to stop the tears from falling.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> So, did you like it? It's not my best chapter, but I'm still trying to get past the beginning of this story so I can get to the good stuff. I can't wait! Can you?

So if you _did_ like it, or hate it, whichever, leave a review! I love them all! 3


	5. Chapter 4

_**Heeeeeeeey guys. –nervous laugh-**_

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><p><em><strong>Standing in the Dark - Chapter Four<strong>_

"Stupid Kendall. What does he know about photography?" Carlos grumbled to himself as he drummed his fingers on the soft wood of a bench in the middle of the Palm Woods Park. It wasn't just a rumor that Carlos' favorite place to hang out these days was the park – he loved nature, even when he wasn't taking pictures perched high up in one of the tall White Oak trees. His camera was hanging slack around his neck, having been neglected all day except for a moment when Carlos saw a squirrel and it's child playing a few feet away from his bench. Except for the two photos he had captures of the small family, his camera had been left untouched and had grown cold for the first time in weeks.

In truth, Kendall's comment wasn't really bothering him that much – or the scuffle they had gotten into the night before. That is what he had decided it was; a scuffle. Not a fight, not just an argument. A scuffle. He had lain in his bed for thirty minutes, sniffling and letting a few tears trickle down his cheeks but he never full out cried. He felt as though he should be furious, or offended, or _something_. But in truth, he wasn't thinking about Kendall at all – or about anyone at the Palm Woods for that matter.

He was thinking about the boy he met at the _Bean and Gone Café _downtown. The boy with dirty blonde locks that closely resembled Logan's sticky-upy hairstyle. The boy whose brown eyes and tan skin glowed in the afternoon sunlight. The boy who had been the first person to bring a smile to Carlos' face in weeks.

But no, don't get me wrong. Carlos was not in love with Bradley Owens. Carlos didn't think he would be falling in love with _anyone_ anytime soon. He was young – this was his time to be finding his groomsmen, not the man who he would be walking down the aisle to exchange vows with. He was already sure that Kendall, James, or Logan would be standing beside him, sending him encouraging smiles as he waited for his groom. He was sure that one of them would one day be his best man. He just needed to find out who and who else would be standing behind him on the happiest day of his life.

But no, Carlos was definitely not in love with Bradley Owens. He was _mesmerized_ by him. There was something about that man that made Carlos want to stick around. Something about the air around him and the way he made everything seem so easy. The man was obviously friends with most of the people on that part of town – probably even knew the teenagers at the photography school fairly well. He probably didn't even _need_ the job at the coffee shop; he just kept it to spend time with his friends. On the ride to the Palm Woods, Bradley had told him a few stories about the coffee shop. The way he and his friends, who were employees as well, would make pictures out of the cream just to see the reaction of the people once their order was delivered at the selective table.

It seemed so… heartwarming. The _little things_ Bradley and his friends did. It might seem silly to someone who wasn't constantly suffocated by the spotlight, stalked by crazy fans, or forced to keep a huge smile on their face twenty-four seven. But to Carlos, just getting a job at a simple coffee shop with his friends and being able to spend hours just living life without a care in the world sounded like a heaven Carlos never even knew existed.

But it was never that easy. No matter how happy and carefree Bradley and his friends seemed, he knew they had troubles of their own. They had troubles from the past, the present, or to come in the future. They had stern frowns hidden underneath their smiles and clenched fists behind the high-fives they gave each other. But that just made them more _real_. It had been a while before Carlos had met someone as real as Bradley, and even Nate, who he had barely spoken to at all.

"Carlos!

"Hey, Carlos!

"CARLOS ROBERTO GARCIA."

The Latino jumped as the sound of a girl screaming his name jolted him out of his thoughts. He had been so caught up in his own mind; he hadn't noticed Camille Roberts and Jo Taylor had claimed the seat across from him on the bench. He smiled weakly and absent-mindedly fiddled with the sides of his camera, turning it on and off twice before letting it fall back against his abdomen and resting his hands on the dark wood of the bench. "H-hey, girls."

Camille flashed him a brilliant bright smile and Jo fluttered her eyelashes. It was then that Carlos realized he had never answered Camille's question about what went on between him and Saint Bradley after she left. It wasn't a surprise that Jo knew about the events of the day before either, since he recalled Camille had left him to help her with… whatever she was doing. He had been too caught up in his thoughts to really bother remembering. But that also meant that they didn't know about his scuffle with Kendall either. He obviously hadn't taken the time to inform his own girlfriend about his troubles. Typical.

"_S-o_. Yesterday. Huh, huh?" Camille sent him a sideways wink and nudged him with her elbow, trying to get his answer out via humor. Carlos rolled his eyes and popped his knuckles, something that infuriated Logan more than when Carlos refused to wear shoes while driving. Don't ask.

"You don't have to tell us." Jo added quickly, glancing at Camille knowingly. Everyone knew that Camille loved to know everything about everyone and was known to perform long lasting interrogations just to know how a first kiss went. Her latest victim had been Guitar Dude, who had fled the Palm Woods after Camille resulted to threatening to smash his guitar. She had already snapped two of the strings and the second she lifted Angelica – yes, he names his guitar Angelica – into the air, he snatched it out of her hands and fled. Nobody had seen him all day, but Camille had lost interest quickly and had resulted to Carlos instead.

"Yes he does! _I_ introduced them!" Camille protested, glancing between Jo and Carlos with wide eyes. The two of them were looking at her in amusement, smirking on the sides of their lips and exchanging glances. "Stop it guys! I really want to know! Please, Carlos? Oh please-y, please-y, _please_?"

"Calm down, Roberts. I'll fill you in." Carlos chuckled, smiling when he heard the sigh of relief escape her lips. Both girls, including Jo, leaned across the table as he explained every moment, every detail, and even pausing at parts that were _hardly_ dramatic, causing both girls to lean even closer. He could tell Camille was excited by the light that twinkled in her eyes and Jo, it seemed, was just interested that Carlos had finally found someone who could quite possible become closer than a friend one day. Not that Carlos thought he would – he was just excited about the next time they would see each other again and the laughs he had missed so dearly.

"And then when he drove away into the sunset, as we waved goodbye to each other, his wind blowing his hair behind his head, I knew." Carlos dramaticized, clearly amused by the girls and their interest in his story.

"Knew what?" The girls asked in unison, leaning so far across the table, their knees were the only things still touching their seats.

"That I really want a Volvo."

"Carlos! Come on!" Camille screeched, slamming her fists down on the table as she sat back down on her seat beside Jo, who was laughing hysterically. Pouting, the brunette crossed her arms across her chest and slumped down, obviously annoyed by her two friends. Not that she was really angry – it was too nice of a day for anyone to be angry.

"Seriously, Camille. It wasn't like some fancy romance novel or a chick-flick where the star-crossed lovers drive off into the sunset, snuggled against one another. I really don't think of him as anything more than a friend, and I would like to keep it that way." Carlos spoke seriously, leaning against the table with his arms crossed on top of the soft wood. He reached up to brush a strand of his black hair off his forehead and winced when his fingers accidentally bumped against the tender flesh around his eye. Kendall had hit him hard enough the pervious night to cause a bruise, but it hadn't formed into a full on black eye yet – something Carlos was extremely grateful for.

"What was that?" Jo questioned, finally noticing the darkened flesh around Carlos' eye. She reached across the table and rested the pads of her fingers on his skin, flinching back slightly when Carlos himself flinched.

"Nothing."

"Liar." Camille called him out. You couldn't exactly lie to Camille – not even if you had more Oscars for best actor than anyone else in Hollywood.

"Okay, something happened last night but it's not that big of a deal." Carlos mumbled just loud enough for the girls to hear.

"After I left?" Camille questioned, feeling concerned but slightly guilty that she had left him alone in the apartment.

"Yeah, but seriously guys. It's not that big of a deal." Carlos insisted, shaking his head and pulling away from Jo, who had moved over to his side of the bench and was examining his bruise.

"It is a big deal, Carlos. I've been in quite a few action movies and sometimes; you actually have to punch someone on set to make it look real. I know what a punch looks like." Jo murmured, letting her hands fall into her lap as she gazed at him with sad eyes. She had a feeling that one of the guys had done this – even if she wasn't about to accept it.

Carlos sighed and ran a hand through his hair, knowing he wasn't going to be able to leave without telling these persistent girls. "Kendall and I got into a scuffle."

"A _scuffle_?"

"Yeah. He just made a comment that kind of ticked me off and we got into a small fight. Nothing too bad, though." He told them, looking down and fiddling with his camera again.

"Kendall _hit you_?" Jo asked in disbelief.

"Well… I hit him first, but only because he made fun of me for being gay."

"_What_?"

"Seriously, girls, it's not that big of a deal. It doesn't bother me. Kendall was probably just having a bad day and needed to yell at someone." Carlos justified his friend's actions, hoping the girls wouldn't get all fired up like he expected them too.

"Carlos! How can you act like it doesn't bother you? Kendall is one of your best friends! He can't just treat you like-"

"I get it! He's one of my best friends and he's treating my like dirt. I get it. He's just not used to not blowing off steam on Gustavo every day. We're on hiatus and he's still adjusting." Carlos snapped, feeling a twinge of guilt when the girls flinched back slightly.

"Carlos, listen to yourself. Kendall doesn't need adjusting. If he needed to blow off steam, he would just go to the gym, right? Was he yelling at James or Logan?" Jo whispered, barely audible.

Carlos stared at her a moment before responding with a whisper of his own. "No…"

"Camille and I were talking yesterday. You guys haven't been spending a lot of time together. It almost seems like you're avoiding each other." She continued.

"We're not avoiding each other!" Carlos replied, his voice changing from his usual soft tone to a high-pitched squeak, "They're avoiding _me_!"

Camille and Jo exchanged a worried glance and the blonde rested her hand on the distressed boy's shoulder. She blinked sympathetically before speaking, "I think you need to talk to them. Something is going on and I don't think it's going to end well."

* * *

><p>"Yo, Logan!"<p>

The pale, raven-haired boy looked up in confusion, eyes widening when he saw the shorter Latino running towards him. Logan was sitting in the center of the Palm Woods lobby, lounging in one of the cream-colored lounge chairs by himself. He had been reading one of his medical textbooks – specifically a chapter about popular surgical studies in Russia and parts of Eastern Europe – until Carlos had shouted his name rather obnoxiously.

Although Logan had been the least eager to join in on James' master plan of getting rid of Carlos – which still sounded awful when said that way – he still agreed with quite a few points his older friend had made. Carlos was barreling through the lobby towards him, almost knocking over a few people who were practicing lines for auditions later that evening. As much as he had gotten used to Carlos over the years, he still found him utterly _obnoxious_.

"Hey, Carlos." Logan whispered, hoping that Carlos would get the hint and lower his voice as well. Nobody was staring, they had gotten used to ignoring Carlos, but Logan still felt his ears grow hot with embarrassment.

"What are you doing?" Carlos asked, the volume of his voice altering the slightest bit, but still loud enough to make Logan's temples ache.

"Reading." Logan replied rather harshly, hoping Carlos would get the hint for once. Just once.

"About what?"

"Surgical studies in Russia and Eastern Europe." Logan replied. Carlos leaving him alone might be the thing he wanted most in the world at that moment, but he would never not answer someone's question. It had happened to him enough as a child, he had sworn to always try and answer everyone's questions. It was silly, he knew, but it was just something he liked to so.

"Sounds boring." Carlos yawned pointedly. Once Camille and Jo had left to get lunch, he had hung around the park for a while before deciding to go find one of his friends. He knew that the girls couldn't be right. His friends would never pointedly be avoiding him. They were just busy with their newfound freedom.

"Then, by all means, go find someone interesting." Logan snapped, his angry tone going unnoticed by his younger friend, who just tilted his head and smiled. Sometimes Logan wondered if Carlos only did this to tick him off. He wasn't wrong either. Carlos acting like a child and pissing off Logan was one of his favorite pastimes. When he wasn't taking pictures, that is.

"Come on, Logie. Let's go do something fun." Carlos whined, smiling innocently when Logan glared at him over the top of his thick textbook.

"Speaking of _something_, I have a thing to go to." Logan quickly stood up, dog-earing the page he was on and snapping the book shut. Tucking it under his arm, he made a quick move to leave, but was stopped when Carlos grabbed his elbow quickly.

"What thing? Maybe I can go with you!"

"No, no, Carlos. You'll think it's boring. I'm, uh, going to a math class." Logan pressed, hoping that Carlos was ignorant enough to believe his lie.

Carlos frowned slightly. He might act like he did when he was sixteen just to annoy Logan, but he had matures quite a bit over the past three years. He knew when Logan was lying. He also knew that his math classes had ended three weeks before the hiatus even began. "I thought you finished those last month."

"I-I did. I'm going to another one now. You know, to prep for college."

"Lo_-gie_! You're _always_ prepping for college! Can't we do something fun!"

Logan brushed Carlos off and headed out of the lobby, out onto the sidewalk in front of the Palm Woods building. He was hoping Carlos would give up and go bother someone else, but just like all his other wishes, it was denied. He could hear the loud slap of Carlos' converse on the concrete as the Latino followed him eagerly. "Really, Carlos. I have to go and you'll hate it."

"Come on, Logan. It can't be that bad." Carlos pressed, stepping in front of Logan before the raven could move any farther down the road.

Logan brought a hand up to his nose, pinching the bridge as he sighed, trying to control the anger that was building up inside of him. He didn't want to yell at Carlos, but the anger wasn't melting away. It just kept growing stronger and stronger as his friend continued to nag, begging Logan to take him and that it would be fun or that they should ditch the class all together and do something "fun". Logan had never really yelled at his friends before, but there is always a first for everything. Letting his hand fell to his side, he clenched and unclenched his fist twice before cutting Carlos off mid-sentence.

"Carlos! Can't you see that I _don't want you to go with me_? You always want to tag along with whatever Me, Kendall, or James is doing! You never do something by yourself and it really gets annoying having you tail us around all over the city!" Logan shouted, ignoring the fact that Carlos had flinched back, shocked by his sudden outburst, "I'm sick and tired of always hanging out with _you_! You're incredibly obnoxious and annoying and never know when to shut your mouth!"

"But, Logie…" Carlos began, but was cut off as Logan continued.

"No, don't _Logie_, me." Logan snapped, copying Carlos' pitiful whine, "I'm going out and I do not want you following me. I'm sick of hanging out with you. I'm sick of seeing your face. I'm sick of being your friend."

With that, Logan stomped past his shock-stricken friend, hands stuffed in his pockets and book tucked tightly under his arm. Carlos stared straight ahead, not believing what Logan had just said to him. Logan had always been the best of all of them at keeping his anger controlled. He had never been one to say mean things to someone, even when they really deserved it. Carlos was so shocked; he didn't even notice the tears that were streaming down the sides of his face.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm really sorry for updating so late – but at least this chapter wasn't too boring. Things are starting to pick up and the chapters are hopefully going to be written a lot quicker. If not, you can blame my brother, who seems to find it impossible to function without a computer in front of him all day, every day.<strong>

**Thanks for sticking around and putting up with my slow updates, it means a lot! Please leave me a review if you liked it, or thought it sucked, whichever!**

**Love you guys, muy, muy, muchos!**

– **Carnie.**


	6. Chapter 5

_**Standing in the Dark – Chapter Five**_

"_I'm sick of being your friend!"_

_Carlos' eye snapped open as the six familiar and heart-breaking words surprised him. He had been enjoying the silence and darkness, where nothing and nobody could bother him. The short, olive skinned boy stood in the middle of an, of course, abandoned hallway. The marble tile under his feet made up the floor of the hallway that seemed to stretch on forever. Normally, when he had dreams like this, he would be at school and he would be able to see the double doors at the end of the cursed marble tile or a staircase or the happy faces of Kendall, James, and Logan. But this was not one of those dreams._

_The tile was visible as far as the stretch of windows on the left wall where the moon shone through the thick glass, lighting up a small portion of the hallway. Beyond the windows, the lasting stretch of the hallway was engulfed in shadows and Carlos could see absolutely nothing, even as he attempted to adjust his eyes to the darkness. The same thing occurred behind him, shadows threatening to swallow him as soon as the moon sunk over the horizon._

"_I'm sick of hanging out with you!"_

_Carlos jumped as the voice shouted from the darkness across from him, only inched from his trembling form. He knew that voice. It was Logan, the very boy who had spoken the harsh words to the Latino earlier that day. His voice was distorted, as though speaking through a filter, and it caused chills to run up and down Carlos' spine. _

_Gazing into the frightening darkness, Carlos saw something moving towards him. He knew instantly it was Logan, and even though the words felt like a knife stabbing him in the heart, he felt comforted. Brown eyes flashed brightly in the shadows and Carlos smiled weakly, flinched back when a shout echoed throughout the hallway once more._

"_I'm sick of you, Carlos. I don't know how I've put up with you all these years."_

_Logan wasn't yelling, but his voice was louder than Carlos could imagine coming from the raven. He could feel the warm breath of his older band mate against his face and the brown eyes burned into his, hatred flaring up in the chocolate orbs. Carlos flinched as he felt Logan's strong hand suddenly clutch his throat. He wasn't squeezing hard enough for Carlos to choke, but enough to make his breath hitch. This wasn't his friend. This was some demon that hell had conjured inside his mind. A demon that was determined to rip him apart from the inside._

"_I _hate_ you. So much, Carlos. We all do. Kendall, James, and I." Logan snarled, his voice becoming slightly clearer but still rough and causing Carlos' skin to crawl._

"_N-No-" Carlos began but was cut off as Logan tightened his grip on the Latino's throat._

"_You ruined our friendship, Carlos. The minute you became a filthy little faggot, you ruined our friendship. We can't spend two minutes with you without feeling as though you're trying to seduce one of us." Logan growled through clenched teeth, his brown eyes seeming to turn red as Carlos held his unblinking gaze, tears brimming the edges of his own huge orbs._

"_But, Logan… I told you guys that I didn't feel anything for you. You know I would never try to-"_

"_Shut up! You're an abomination to this world! You're filthy and a freak! The second you die, you're going to burn in hell and we're all going to watch with satisfied smiles." Logan screamed, eyes completely turning a deep red as fire danced across his pupils._

_Before Carlos could respond, Logan vanished, though the pressure on his throat remained. The sound of pounding footsteps came from behind and the Latino whirled around just in time for a fist to make contact with his face. He fell back on the ground and brought a hand to his face, checking to see if his nose was bleeding. Thankfully, it was not. Looking up at his attacker, Carlos' eyes grew wide with fear as he recognized the green eyed, blonde haired demon looming over his small form. Kendall._

_The blonde remained silent as he brought his fists down on the slightly injured boy on the ground. Carlos screamed as though his body was being lit on fire, but all he could see was Kendall punching and kicking him. He watched as Kendall's foot connected with the side of his head but felt nothing but fire as it burned more fiercely than before. _

_He laid on the cold tile, screaming, as the fire grew hotter and hotter, the pressure on his throat increasing. He gulped for air but only managed to breath in the slightest bit before Kendall hit him again. He closed his eyes, expecting another series of beating, but felt nothing. Opening his swollen eyes, he noticed that Kendall had vanished, just like Logan had moments before. He was also no longer in that horrifying hallway, but standing in the middle of Logan and Kendall's shared bedroom. Daylight was shining through the windows, giving a mid-afternoon feel and Carlos knew he was still dreaming._

"_I'm glad you decided to move in with us, James." Kendall said happily as he walked past Carlos, not even acknowledging the Latino. Turning around to see where Kendall was headed, Carlos immediately noticed Logan helping James move a bed into the room. It was James' bed. The very bed that was supposed to be sitting in the room James shared with Carlos._

"_I'm glad I don't have to stay with him anymore." James grunted as he lifted the bed up off the ground, the task made easier courtesy of Logan who was holding up the other end. Together, they set the twin sized bed on the wall next to the window, a space cleared just for James. Kendall and Logan were very clean people, so, naturally, they had plenty of room for another roommate._

"_I can't imagine sharing a room with a _faggot_." Kendall snickered, leaning against the doorway as he watched James flop down on his bed, breathing heavily from carrying the heavy piece of furniture._

"_It's a nightmare. Always having to worry about waking up naked one day." James chuckled._

_Carlos stared at his friends with wide, tear glistening eyes. They would never say those things about him. James was his best friend, the one he was closest to out of all three of them. In fact, James was first person Carlos came out to. He would never betray him like that. After all, this was just a dream, and he knew it. No matter how real it felt, Carlos knew he would wake up soon enough and the world would be right again. Kendall and Logan would apologize and James would suggest that they all go play some lobby hockey and it would be just like old times._

"_Hey."_

_Carlos turned around slowly at the sound of the semi-familiar voice coming from the hallway. He rubbed the tears from his eyes as he immediately recognized the tall, lean form leaning against the doorframe. A bright smile greeted him and brown eyes brought the distraught boy comfort – something Carlos' friends had never been able to do for him. Well, at least not recently._

"_Hey." Carlos replied with a whisper, the drone of Kendall, James, and Logan's conversation fading slightly as he turned his full attention to Bradley._

_The blonde extended his arms and Carlos wasted no time as he stepped into Bradley's embrace. The tall boy held him close and the smell of coffee and cigarettes gradually calmed him down. Carlos finally allowed his tears to fall, the confusion of the dream and events of the dark hallway finally starting to affect him. _

"_Shh, Carlos."_

"_I'm here. I won't let any of those horrible people hurt you."_

"_Carlos. Shut up."_

"_Seriously. Shut the hell up."_

"_Carlos! Wake up!"_

The Latino's eyes snapped open as Bradley's soothing voice changed to a gruff, aggravated one that was much more familiar. Attempting to sit up, Carlos felt the pressure on his throat return and he finally noticed that one of his blankets was wrapped tightly around his throat. Pulling the blanket off quickly and letting it fall to the floor, Carlos sat up. His cheeks were streaked with tears and his throat hurt, but his eyes were dry as he searched through the darkness of the room for the source of the voice.

"Finally, you stop blubbering." The grumble of James' voice came from the twin bed on the other side of the room. "If you're going to scream and cry and keep me awake all night, get out."

Carlos felt his stomach drop at James' harsh words. They weren't anywhere as mean as what Logan or Kendall had said, but they still hurt. The words lacked the concern that Carlos would normally have been given after waking up from a nightmare. Words that Bradley had used to comfort him in his dream.

"Sorry." Carlos whispered as he crawled out of his bed, shivering as his warm skin touched the cold hardwood floor. Ignoring the fact that it was three forty in the morning, according to his clock beside his bed, Carlos staggered towards the door. James' bed was pushed against the same wall as the door and Carlos paused as he walked by, earning a glare from the brunette.

"Don't just stand there in stare at me, creep." James grumbled, rolling over in his bed to where his back was facing the Latino.

"Sorry," Carlos apologized again, "Goodnight, James."

His only response was an impatient grunt and Carlos quickly left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Normally, James would have pulled Carlos into his bed and hugged him, whispering caresses into his ear until the younger boy had calmed down from the horrors of his dream. Normally, James would have asked what the dream was about and reassure Carlos that monsters and ghosts and demons did not exist and that he would always be safe in his older brother's arms.

"_I can't imagine sharing a room with a faggot."_

"_It's a nightmare. Always having to worry about waking up naked one day."_

Carlos shook his head as the quotes from his dream came back to haunt him as he walked down the hallway towards the living room and kitchen. The sounds of Kendall and James chuckling nagged at his brain and it was all Carlos could do not to punch the wall. He clenched his fists and stopped walking, taking a few deep breaths in attempt to calm himself down. He could control his anger. It had only been just a dream.

He friends loved him. His friends didn't mind that he was gay. They would never call him a faggot. They would never pointedly ignore him. They would never make fun of him for his sexuality. They would never lie just so they wouldn't have to hang out with him.

The only thing was, they _had_ made fun of him. They _had_ lied just so they wouldn't have to hang out with him.

"_It's a hobby for _gay_ people."_

"_I'm sick of being your friend."_

Carlos ground his teeth together and slammed his fist into the blue painted wall. His knuckles left a dent in the sheetrock and red liquid began to form on his skin. There wasn't much major damage on his hand, only a few scrapes here and there, except for a gash on his ring finger knuckle that was bleeding heavily.

Carlos closed his eyes and sighed, leaning back against the wall and sliding down to the ground. He kept his eyes closed as he clutched his hand, feeling his knuckles throb as the blood gradually began to dry. He took a few deep breaths and let his eyes remain closed as he pulled his knees up to his chest. It wasn't like Carlos to loose control like that, but he was glad that he hadn't resulted to punching an actual person. Sure, he had punched Kendall the other day, but he hadn't even left a bruise on the blonde's smug face. A punch like the one he gave the wall would surely break a nose and cause a nasty black eye.

He was just glad that the noise hadn't woken up any of the guys. They probably would have made a big deal out of it – if they even paid attention to the Latino anymore. James was the only to actually speak to him since Logan had told him off the previous day. After Carlos had gotten over the shock of the raven yelling at him, he had scurried off to apartment 2J, where he found Kendall and James playing videogames on their signature orange couch.

The tallest members of Big Time Rush had failed to notice their broken friend as they continued their game and Carlos decided to not bother them. Instead, he spent the rest of the evening in his room, going through the pictures he had recently uploaded to his computer and deleting over a thousand. Not that they would be missed – if he found anything wrong with a picture, it was immediately deleted. Motion frames, background goofs, or just plain horrible lighting drove Carlos insane. He still had over two thousand sitting in a folder on his desktop and in a flash drive that he kept under his bed in a box. Those pictures were special to him and he didn't want to take the chance of loosing them any time soon.

By the time Carlos had finished cleaning up the folder, James had already retired to his bed without a word to the Latino and he decided it would be good to get some rest as well. He fell asleep quickly, but that was when the nightmare struck.

Remembering the dreadful nightmare, Carlos shivered and stood up, not wanting to remain alone in the hallway anymore. Instead, he moved to the orange couch, where Kendall and James' controllers were still strewn out on the brightly colored fabric. He pushed the white controllers off carelessly, not caring when they fell to the ground, laid down on the couch.

He rested his black hair on a pillow that Mama Knight had given them last Christmas and closed his eyes. But the moment his lids locked, the horrors of the dream returned and his brown eyes snapped open once more. Running a hand through his hair, Carlos sighed and tried to steady the rapid beating of his heart. He didn't know why this dream bothered him so much – he had worse. It was probably because it felt so _real_.

The hatred that had burned in Logan's eyes as he choked Carlos had been similar to the hatred that burned in his eyes earlier that day. The harshness of his tone and the way his face was twisted with anger seemed so real that Carlos found himself wondering if it actually happened, even if he knew that it had only been a dream.

The way Kendall had kicked and punched him so many times reminded him of the other night when Kendall made fun of his sexuality and the "scuffle" that occurred between the two. The fire in his green eyes caused Carlos to shiver in his spot on the couch, even though it was warmer than usual in the apartment.

Even when James had moved in with Kendall and Logan, Carlos had felt as though it was real. He was a ghost in their lives and they no longer bothered to acknowledge him. James obviously hated being his roommate, something that had been confirmed the moment Carlos awoke from his nightmare. He never doubted his roommate's feelings about rooming with Carlos, but he did now. Did James really hate him enough to leave him for Kendall and Logan – just because they are straight?

But there was the one part of his dream that instantly comforted him. The small moment he shared with Bradley. He had felt safe in the boy's arms and the semi-familiar smell made him forget all the bad things, until he woke up, at least. He felt as though Bradley could protect him.

But why couldn't Kendall, James, or Logan be the ones to comfort and protect him? They had always been there for him before. Why not now?

Feeling a lone tear make its way down his cheek, Carlos buried his face into the pillow. If he concentrated hard enough, he could still smell Bradley's scent from his dream.

"Why do they hate me?"

* * *

><p><strong>I felt like I owed you guys another update after my long absence, so here you go! I hope you liked it; I'm really excited to finally get this story going. I hope you are too!<strong>

**Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review if you liked it, or hated it so much you wanted to punch a newborn kitten, whichever! **

**Love you guys!**

**- Carnie**


	7. Chapter 6

_**Standing in the Dark – Chapter Six**_

One month.

It had been exactly one month since hiatus began. One month since his friends had decided that they hated him. One month since Kendall insulted him. One month since Logan made it clear that he no longer desired to be Carlos' friend. One month since James had started ignoring his presence – acting as if Carlos was an inaudible and invisible ghost. One month since Carlos dropped off the face of the earth to his best friends. One month since the nightmares began.

The same dream plagued his sleep each and every night, granting him only two or three hours of rest each night. Every day he would wake up with tear-stained cheeks, puffy red eyes and a hollow feeling in his chest. The dreams were exactly the same each night. Logan's harsh words echoed in his ears, Kendall's beating left him feeling exhausted, and James' actions broke his heart over and over.

Wait, that isn't true. His dreams weren't exactly the same each night. Every night, the dream would become more _real_. Logan's infamous quote would become more harshly worded. Kendall's beatings would hurt more and more, even after Carlos woke up. The first thing Carlos did every morning was check to make sure James still slept in the very place he had slept when they first moved into the Palm Woods. But it wasn't only his friends who differed his dreams. Bradley was absent and every dream but the first – and that is what effected Carlos the most. He felt abandoned. Forgotten. Lost.

He hadn't spoken to Bradley Owen since the day they first met. The boy's phone number had been left untouched in Carlos' phone. The Latino had scrolled through his phonebook a few times, gazing at the new contact for a second before continuing on to whoever it was he was looking for. Bradley had made no attempt to contact Carlos either, so the Latino decided it was only a one-time thing. His and Bradley's relationship – whether it be only friends or something more – was not meant to be. And he was fine with that. Hell, he barely knew the guy.

But the constantly reoccurring nightmares had begun to really take their toll on Carlos' body. Dark circles had formed under his eyes that even a week of sleep wouldn't completely erase. His eyes were almost always bloodshot – either from crying as soon as he woke up or from lack of sleep. More often that not, it was because of both those reasons. He was always tired and couldn't do much more than drag himself around the Palm Woods residence. He couldn't even bring himself to slip into the pool, for he had simply lost interest. He couldn't see the fun in swimming by himself – without the company of his three best friends.

He couldn't even find the energy to climb up into his favorite tree in the afternoons, not to mention finding the motivation to photograph his surroundings anymore. Everything was so dull without his friends. The world was an uninteresting place and Carlos found it difficult to do, well, anything, without them. To sum it all up – Carlos Garcia, was depressed.

Not hardcore, suicidal, everyone-hates-me, pity party depressed. It wasn't that bad. Carlos just had no idea how to cope without his friends to guide him. Logan had been right. Carlos was always tagging along with whatever his three friends were doing, but they had never acted bothered by it before Logan said something. Since Carlos had become aware of his friends' feelings towards him, he had made a point to avoid them at all costs. His cries were silent every night, he left early as to not disturb them when they woke up in the morning, and he even refrained from spending a lot of time with Camille and Jo. He didn't want the girls bringing him up in front of his friends. Well… _former_ friends.

"Carlos!"

The Latino groaned to himself as the high-pitched greeting of a very familiar voice pierced the air. Camille. He loved Camille, he really did, but her sudden appearances that would jolt him out of his thoughts were starting to annoy him. They had hardly spoken over the past few weeks, partially because she had been filming on location and because he had pointedly been avoiding her. But it seemed that she had finally caught him.

At that moment, Carlos was sitting at the café down the street from the Palm Woods. He was sitting on the outdoor deck, enjoying the beautiful early summer day. There was not a single cloud that plagued the sky and the sun was hanging just right – not too hot, not too bright. He was sitting alone near the sidewalk, watching nonchalantly as people walked by. He had an iced green tea in hand, sipping at the bright green straw every few minutes, careful to make the drink last. He was always one to finish his drink quickly, so quickly that Logan often made comments about it not being healthy. Well, Logan _used_ to make comments about it. Boy, did Carlos miss those annoying comments.

The sound of the chair scraping beside Carlos told him that Camille had sat down, not waiting to be invited before invading his space. Not that Carlos really cared. As annoying as her sudden appearances might be, it was nice to be in the company of friends once in a while.

"Hey, Camille." He greeted her quietly before taking another sip of his tea.

"I haven't seen much of you these past few weeks." Camille sounded strangely serious. He had never heard her serious like this. It was strange, but he was glad to have someone he could talk to seriously. Most people turned everything into a joke nowadays.

"Yeah… I've been, uh, busy."

Camille rolled her eyes, "No you haven't. You're not as sneaky as you think, Carlos. I know you've been avoiding me. Jo, too. You've been avoiding everyone."

"No, just you two." Carlos responded, not once looking up into her brown eyes,

"Why?" Camille sounded genuinely hurt and the Latino instantly felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. He hated hurting his friends.

"It's complicated." Camille nudged him in the ribs and Carlos sighed, knowing he would have to explain himself sooner or later. He chose sooner, rather than later. "I didn't want you or Jo to bring me up in front of Logan or Kendall. I don't want them to be bothered by me more than they need to be."

Camille frowned and rested a hand on the Latino's wrist, clearing her throat before speaking, "I'm sorry, Carlos. I would beat some sense into each of them if I could. But I can't. I don't know what is going on behind closed doors with them, but I can tell you that it's not good."

Carlos looked up from his drink to meet her brown eyes that were almost identical to his in color. "What do you mean?"

"I was with Logan and the boys beside the pool yesterday. I don't want to hurt you by saying this… but I think you deserve to know."

"Well, spit it out." He urged almost impatiently. Camille looked down at her hands before speaking, voice shaking with uncertainty.

"They were talking about how great it would be without you in the band. James… James said that he couldn't wait until you were gone. It was almost like they were planning a way to… to get _rid of you_." Camille explained, gazing up at her friend warily, not knowing what kind of reaction to expect.

Carlos stared at the girl in shock, not knowing if her heard her correctly. Deep inside, he knew that he heard her loud and clear, he just didn't want to admit it. Why would his friends want to get rid of him? They had been best friends since Pre-K. Why throw it all away for no reason?

"But, we've been best friends since forever, Camille." Carlos began, closing his eyes briefly before looking back at her, "Why would they want to throw away a lifetime of friendship?"

"I don't know, Carlos. Maybe they're doing it unwillingly." Camille whispered, her voice cracking slightly. Her eyes suddenly widened and she glanced up at Carlos, whose eyes had widened as well.

"Unwillingly? Camille… you know something, don't you?" Carlos whispered in response, staring at her with semi-hurt eyes. Truthfully, he didn't want to know what was going on behind closed doors. But, maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad.

"No, no, I-"

"Give it up, C. I know you know something. There's no use in hiding it."

The brunette sighed, "Fine. But it's not pretty."

Carlos nodded for her to continue, not knowing what to expect as the girl continued. He could tell from the first word that it was going to break his heart, but he would have to stay strong until she was done talking. Or until he figured it out, that is.

"The pool cleared out so it was just me, Logan, James, and Kendall. They wanted to play some volleyball and I suggested that we invite you. K-Kendall said that inviting you would be a bad idea, " Camille began, her voice shaking, "I asked why and he said because it would be bad for their plan. I guess they could tell I was confused so they decided to explain everything."

"Logan told me that a month ago, before hiatus began, they had a secret meeting with Griffin, Gustavo, Kelly, and the company. They were told that over the past year, ratings and sales have gone down rapidly – because… because of you. They were told that keeping you in the band would only hurt Big Time Rush and that the band would eventually die out if they didn't do something. G-Griffin told them to kick you out of the band."

Carlos' mouth formed a small 'o' shape as he listened to her story. He had always known Griffin to be spontaneous and unreasonable, but this was different.

"They didn't want the devil to be the one to break you heart, so they decided to tell you themselves. But, they couldn't find the right time to tell you flat out. When hiatus started, they saw less and less of you, so they started spending more time together. They told me that they realized how much they…"

"How much they what, Camille?" Carlos pressed, staring at her desperately.

"Please don't make me say it, Carlos."

"Please, Camille…"

The girl looked up into his broken eyes, fighting to hold in tears as he begged her to finish. She sighed and found it impossible to look away as she continued.

"How much they… hated you."

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, I don't like this chapter. It's probably the worst thing I've ever written. But I'm posting it because yolo and I really need to update.<br>**

**Sorry this chapter wasn't very long. I couldn't figure out a way to make it longer - hehe.**

**BUT ON A MORE MATURE NOTE, I hope you guys liked it. It's kind of a filler until next chapter, where something really angsty is going to happen. You guys are going to love it, trust me. I'll try to update by Friday, so be on the lookout for that - you won't be disappointment.  
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**So... just like this chapter... this message is really short. I LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH. REVIEW?  
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**- Carnie  
><strong>

**PS: If you think it's confusing or irrelevant or find any typos, please let me know. I'm really tired and blah, so that would help a lot because I probably won't get around to proof reading it for like, a week. Aren't I just a _great_ writer? Ha. ANYWAY, LOVE YOU GUYS. I already said that but who cares? Yolo.  
><strong>


	8. Chapter 7

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Seven**  
><em>

_How much they… hate you._

_Hate you._

_Hate. You._

Carlos squeezed his brown eyes shut as he came to a halt in front of Apartment 2J. The door was shut but he could tell it was unlocked by small crack between the doorframe and the door itself. Camille's words echoed in his ears and he shook his head, wishing more than anything that this was all just a horrible nightmare. He would give anything to be back in the studio, being yelled at by Gustavo and worn out by Mr. X.

_They hate you._

After Camille had managed to stop Carlos' crying and walk him home, the two had departed in the lobby. The brunette had promised that soon, everything would get better again but Carlos had a hard time believing her. As he reached for the shiny doorknob, Carlos remembered the last words Camille had uttered as he stepped onto the elevator.

"Everything get's better in the end, Carlos. If it's not better, than it isn't the end."

He wasn't sure what she meant, but he didn't doubt her. Even though she was extremely likely to be bipolar and a very unpredictable actress, Camille Roberts had a tendency to be very wise. He trusted her. Things would get better, he knew it. He just wished that he knew _when_ things would get better.

Turning the doorknob, Carlos pushed open the door and warily stepped into Apartment 2J – his home for the past three years. Closing the door behind him, Carlos turned to face the interior of the apartment, his stomach twisting in knots as he sensed that something was off. Taking a few steps into the apartment, Carlos took his wallet out of his pocket and placed it down on the white countertop, glancing into the living room as he did so.

Logan was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall just below the television across from him. The television was off and Logan just seemed to be staring off into space. As Carlos stared at the brunette, he expected the genius to turn and realize he was being watched, but it never happened. Carlos took a deep breath and cleared his throat, hoping to get a response. Nothing.

"L-Logan?"

The raven-haired boy blinked and turned his head to look at the small Latino, something like fear dancing in his brown irises. He stared at Carlos for a moment before his jaw twitched, as if he wanted to say something, but remained silent.

"Are you… okay?" Carlos asked, hoping Logan didn't take the opportunity to yell at him again.

"I'm fine." Logan cleared his throat as his voice cracked on the second word. "But you aren't."

Carlos frowned slightly in confusion, staring at Logan with wide eyes. "W-what do you mean?"

"James found the hole in the wall. Kendall's pissed."

"The… hole?"

"Don't play dumb, Carlos." Logan snapped, standing up and facing the younger boy, "We all know you did it. Who else would be stupid enough to take out their anger on a wall?"

Carlos took a step back, looking confused. "That was like, a month ago!"

"Well, like, apparently, James didn't see it until this morning." Logan mocked, smirking the slightest bit as he took a step towards Carlos. "Why did you do it anyway? Got angry because nobody wants to be friends with a pathetic little faggot like you?"

Carlos felt tears start to swell in his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted as the front door slammed.

"Look who finally came home. What took you so long? Too busy taking pictures of everything as if the world is going to end?" Kendall spat angrily as he stormed across the room towards Carlos, towering over the Latino with fiery green eyes.

"N-no, I was just-"

"Listen, I don't care about what you do with your pathetic life outside of this apartment – but I _do_ care that you put a hole in _my_ wall." Kendall cut him off, getting close to Carlos' face in anger.

"_Your_ wall? Kendall, this apartment belongs to all-"

"Watch out, Ken. You're too close. He might try to seduce you." James spoke up, announcing he presence in the apartment. Carlos hadn't even noticed the brunette enter to room. He was too busy focusing on Kendall, whose anger seemed to be growing with each passing second.

"Right. Don't want those dirty hands on me." Kendall smirked, taking a step back. Now, Logan, Kendall, and James stood in a line in front of Carlos, glaring at him with so much hatred.

"G-guys, I'm sorry about-" Carlos began, but was cut off as James slapped him across the face.

There was silence in the apartment as Carlos stood in shock, his cheek turning red from the mark James left. A shaky hand brought it's way up to the tan skin on Carlos' cheek, jaw dropping softly. If there was anyone that Carlos thought would never hit him, it was James. The two had been best friends since the second grade, practically brothers. Nothing had ever separated them and he didn't think that would start now. He thought that, even if the worst did occur, James would come around. Clearly, that fantasy had been short lived.

"J-James…"

"Oh! Logan! I forgot to mention. I saw faggot-boy here having lunch with Camille today. He seemed a little _too_ interested in what she had to say." Kendall's eyes brightened as he spoke, turning to face Logan who glared at Carlos with furious eyes.

"Why were you having lunch with _my_ girlfriend?" Logan snarled, taking a step towards Carlos, causing him to stumbled backwards.

"She's my friend. I-" Once again, Carlos was cut off.

"I don't want to hear that you are _ever_ in her presence from now on. If you go anywhere near her, I will beat the living hell out of you." Logan threatened, taking another step towards the Latino, who backed into the wall in fear.

"But-"

Before Carlos could even process what was happening, Logan's fist connected with the side of his face. Stumbling sideways a little, Carlos regained his posture before staring at Logan in anger. If Logan wanted a fight, he was going to get a fight. Throwing a punch at the raven's face, Carlos gasped when a strong hand stopped his fist.

James had stepped in front of Logan and was glaring at Carlos with so much anger, the Latino was sure that he was dead. "Don't. You. _Dare_. Hit. Logan."

"Why? Are you afraid that I'll hurt your boyfriend?" Carlos taunted, smirking in James' face. He wasn't going to let Kendall, James, and Logan bring him down that easily. He was willing to put up a fight – even if that meant going one against three.

Before he knew it, Carlos felt James' fist slam into his stomach and his body instantly crumpled to the floor. He was met by two kicks to his ribs by the oldest boy and squeezed his eyes shut, not knowing what to expect next. He felt someone grab him by the collar and his body left the ground. Opening his eyes, his brown irises were met by a pair of green fire.

"When I'm done with you, you're going to wish that you were never born, Garcia." Kendall snarled dangerously as he slammed Carlos' small body into the wall. Carlos groaned in pain as his head was slammed against the hard surface of the wall, but refused to speak. He didn't want to make this harder than it had to be.

After a few swift punches to his stomach, Carlos felt Kendall release his collar and the boy fell to the ground again, arm wrapped around his torso. He opened his eyes and looked up at the three men who stood overhead, but was instantly met by a kick to the face. He felt his nose crack and he yelled out in pain as he fell over onto his side.

"You worthless piece of shit." Carlos wasn't sure who said it, but the words hurt like a scorching fire as his body was met by several more kicks. The beating went on for a few painful minutes until everything stopped. Carlos remained on the floor, sobbing into the hardwood floor as blood poured from his nose and several cuts all over his body. He wrapped his arms around his body, the pain causing him to keep his eyes shut tight.

He heard the sounds of the front door slamming, and by the silence that followed, he concluded that the three monsters that were once his friends, were gone. For now.

Slowly opening his eyes, he saw that the lights had been turned off. He pushed himself into a sitting position and remained that way until the pain eased enough for him to stand up. Using the wall, the counter, the table, anything, for support, Carlos made his way across the room and towards the front door. He had to get out of there. Who knows what the monsters would do when they returned.

He found it nearly impossible the gather the energy to turn the doorknob and pull the door open, but he managed to complete the task and stumble into the hallway.

There were no signs of any of the Palm Woods residents as he staggered down the hallway, leaning on the wall and pausing every few steps to catch his breath. There was no doubt that he had more than a few broken ribs, but he didn't care. He had to get as far away from the apartment as he could.

He wasn't sure how he did it – but Carlos made it all the way to the elevator at the end of the never ending hall, managed to remain standing as he punched the large silver number on the key pad, and dragged himself down another torturously long hallway towards apartment 4J.

He knocked on the wooden door weakly and waited for what seemed like hours until the door was slowly pulled open. The confused face of Camille, who was wearing a pink tank top and a pair of striped pajama bottoms, greeted him. Carlos didn't know what time it was, but apparently it was late if Camille was getting ready for bed. The brunette took in the sight in front of her before stepping forward and pulling the Latino into a gently hug. She said no words as she stepped back into the darkness of her apartment, picked up her keys, and walked into the hallway where her injured friend stood.

"Let's get you to the hospital." She whispered as he used her shoulder for support and the two slowly made their way towards the elevator.

* * *

><p>On the way to the hospital it began to rain and the soft patter of raindrops on the window relaxed Carlos enough to send him to sleep. As Camille sat behind the wheel at the stoplight two blocks from the large building, she glanced over at the sleeping boy. Dried tracks of blood trickled from his nose and his left eye was swollen once more. His hair was ruffled ad dirty and there was a cut above his swollen eye. She could tell that his torso was in worse condition by the way he was sitting and how his arm was wrapped tightly across his stomach.<p>

There was no doubt in her mind that the boys had done this. She didn't know why, but this wasn't the time to find out. She had to get Carlos help. For all she knew, he could be suffering from serious internal bleeding and had to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

She pulled into the hospital parking lot just outside the Emergency Room and reached over to lightly shake Carlos' shoulder. The Latino stirred but didn't open his eyes, only replying to Camille with a simple grunt.

"Come on, Carlos. We're here." She whispered softly.

Carlos opened his eyes; pain etched out across his features, and sat up. Camille quickly climbed out of the drivers seat and made her way to Carlos' side. There was no way he would be able to make it into the ER without her assistance. Normally, she would be freaking out about getting soaked in the rain, but Carlos needed her and she could care less about a little bit of water.

Helping her injured friend out of the car, Camille began to guide Carlos across the parking lot. He stopped every few feet, swaying slightly and Camille felt as though she was supporting him more than he was supporting himself. Her shoulder ached slightly from the man's weight but she was determined to get him help.

The two finally made it to the double doors just outside the ER and she pushed him inside. She pushed him into one of the chairs by the door and couldn't help but notice how quickly he fell asleep. Walking across the lobby to the front desk, Camille smiled warily at the nurse behind the counter.

"Name?"

"Carlos Garcia."

"You don't look like a man."

Camille glared at the woman in annoyance as she gestured across the room to the sleeping teen in the chair. "_I'm _not Carlos. He is. And he needs help."

"Well, Miss Attitude, please fill out these papers and we'll see what we can do." The nurse handed Camille a clipboard with several papers hooked to it and a pen dangling from a metal chain. The brunette stared at the papers for a minute before realizing that the nurse didn't understand the urgency of the situation.

"Excuse me? He needs help _now_!" She screeched, slamming the clipboard down on the counter in frustration.

"Listen, sweetie, he looks fine to me." The nurse barely glanced at Carlos before making this statement, reverting her attention away from Camille and to a magazine that lay on the desk before her.

The girl frowned and glanced back at her unconscious friend before a rather brilliant idea came to her. Turning back to the nurse, who was reading an article about some Kardashian drama, Camille widened her eyes and forced herself to start tearing up. It wasn't that difficult, given the situation and the hurt she felt in her heart for Carlos.

"He is most definitely _not_ fine! He was coming home from work and then it started to rain and he thought it would be faster to run and he missed the crosswalk because it's nearly impossible to see out there and he thought no cars were coming and he ran across the street and a car came and hit him and he hit the concrete and there was blood and the driver didn't even bother to check if he was okay and-" Camille frantically rambled, making herself sound as desperate as possible.

The nurse's eyes widened and she stood up, walking around the desk and grabbing Camille by the shoulders. "Sweetie, sweetie, calm down. Your friend will be fine, all right? We'll take him back right now."

The nurse turned away and punched a button on the control pad behind the desk before making her way across the lobby towards Carlos. Several nurses scurried out from behind the double door and rushed over to the injured Latino, brushing past Camille without a word. The brunette wiped away her fake tears and smiled to herself. If only her acting coach could see her now.

She watched as a male nurse picked Carlos up bridal style and set him down on a gurney and the mob of nurses wheeled him past her and back into the Emergency Room. Making a move to follow them, Camille felt someone grab her by the elbow and she quickly turned to face the nurse who had doubted her at first.

"You'll have to wait until they're done examining him to go back there. I'm sorry, sweetie, but it's policy."

Nodding, Camille slid down into one of the many chairs, letting her face drop into her hands as she took a deep breath.

"Things won't be getting better for a _long_ time."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys!<strong>

**I finally got around to updating this story! I hope you guys like the new chapter - I have a headache just from writing it. Which usually is a good sign. I think.  
><strong>

**So, did you guys like it? Hate it? It is the first actual hospital scene I've written, so please tell me what you thought about it! All reviews are appreciated!  
><strong>

**Also, if you noticed any errors such as typos, things I repeated, things that I didn't make clear, or anything wrong with this story, please tell me about it. I wrote this in a hurry and with a headache so I'm sure there must be an error somewhere in there. I can't decide if I like this chapter or not - I'm too lazy to proof read it, but I would greatly appreciate it if you told me what _you_ think!  
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**See you guys later!  
><strong>

**-Carnie**


	9. Chapter 8

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Eight**_

"Carlos Garcia."

Camille jumped as the familiar name was called out into the lobby. It had been completely silent for the past three hours and the girl had hardly moved a muscle since she sat down after they took Carlos away. In her small plastic chair beside the double doors that lead back into the emergency room, she had buried her face into her hands and remained in that position for what seemed like years. The nurse had taken the hint and remained quiet behind her desk, tapping away at the keyboard every now and then and flipping through the pages of her magazine.

It had been around ten o'clock when Camille brought Carlos into the hospital and the obnoxiously bright clock on her phone told her that it was only slightly past one o'clock in the morning. Around midnight, she had started yawning and her eyes began to slowly droop closed. She was determined to stay awake, desperate for any news on her friend, but she couldn't help but feel exhausted.

The thing that really kept her awake wasn't her determination, though. Her stomach was twisted in knots and her brain was fuzzy with confusion. There was no doubt in her mind that Kendall, James, and Logan had done this. She had no idea _why_ they would do something like this to their best friend since preschool, but she couldn't help the rage that coursed through her veins every time she thought about it.

Something bad was happening. Camille could feel it. When she was around Logan, whether it was in the company of James and Kendall or just him, she could tell he was hiding something. The way he avoided her eyes and when he gritted his teeth as if remembering something that he wished he didn't. She might not be nearly as smart as her boyfriend, but Camille Roberts knew when something was up.

As she sat in her plastic chair, she tried to think of reasons why Carlos' _best friends_ would ever do something like that. He gave them absolutely no reason to hate him as much as they portrayed – at least she hoped. She knew Carlos wasn't the best at keeping secrets, but maybe something happened in the apartment.

Nobody really knows what happens behind closed doors.

The man standing in front of the double doors cleared his throat, "Carlos Garcia."

Camille immediately jumped out of her seat and faced the man who had spoken. He wasn't much taller than her, maybe by an inch or so, and had sandy blonde hair and skin that was unusually pale for someone who lived in California. His eyes were a pale blue and he smiled when their eyes met, extending his hand in greeting.

"Hello there. My name is Dr. Torres." He introduced himself, shaking Camille's hand gently when she took it eagerly.

"C-Camille Roberts." She responded absently, an urgent tone in her voice that gave away her emotions. Stuttering was definitely frowned upon for actresses like herself, but at that moment, she wasn't thinking about her acting coach. Her only desire was to find out if Carlos was going to be okay.

"You look tired, Miss Roberts. I apologize for making you wait out here for three hours without any news." Dr. Torres tilted his head to the side slightly and gazed at her with eyes glazed with sympathy.

"It's fine. Can you just tell me… how is he?" She pleaded, feeling a lump form in her throat. _Don't you dare cry, Roberts. You don't even know his condition yet._

Dr. Torres motioned for the girl to follow him through the double doors as he made his way down the long hallway. They passed by a few x-ray rooms before they turned a corner and several doors lined the walls. Each dark green door had a silver number engraved into the front and Camille followed the doctor almost all the way to the end of the hall before he stopped abruptly in front of a door labeled 317.

"Before I get into the details, Miss Roberts, I want you to know that your friend will be just fine. He will need to stay in the hospital for a few days so we can monitor him, but he will be able to go home by the end of the week." Dr. Torres began, clearing his throat as he waited for the brunette's reaction.

Camille sighed in relief and glanced at the door, hoping that Carlos wasn't too banged up. Even if he was going to be all right, she knew that keeping him for a few days meant he was hurt pretty badly, but not enough to be fatal.

"We have concluded that Mr. Garcia has three broken ribs on his left side that, fortunately, did not puncture his lung. They will heal with time and he will need to refrain from any heavy exercise or excessive movement for a week or two. His thighs, torso, collar and facial regions are heavily bruised and he had a pretty nasty black eye, but we managed to bring down the swelling. The bruises will fade eventually but we want to monitor him to make sure that there is no internal bleeding." Dr. Torres glanced down at the clipboard in his hands that seemed to have magically appeared during the conversation, before continuing.

"He also appeared to be suffering from a minor concussion. Thankfully, we managed to stop his brain from swelling under his skull before it got too serious, but we want to be sure that he isn't suffering from any head trauma. There are bruises on his temples and the back of his neck, both very exposed areas of the brain." The doctor looked up at Camille with mischief in his eyes, "The bruises on his body seemed to carry a pattern. A pattern a car couldn't have conducted. Something tells me he wasn't in a car accident."

Camille looked down at her feet before mumbling, "The nurse didn't believe me when I told her he was hurt. I had to do something."

Dr. Torres chuckled and placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly as he spoke, "It's fine, Miss Roberts. If you hadn't been such a good actress, your friend's condition would have been a lot worse by the time we got him back here."

Camille smiled at him before glancing back at the door, placing her hand on the doorknob gently. "Can I see him?"

Dr. Torres nodded and tucked his clipboard underneath his arm and took a few steps to the right so that he was standing in the middle of the hallway. "Sure. I'm going to go give these papers to the front desk and then I'll send in a nurse to check up on him. If he wakes up, make sure he doesn't get over excited. If his heartbeat increases or you think he needs attention, just punch the button on the side of his bed."

Camille nodded as the doctor walked away, leaving her standing alone in front of Carlos' hospital room. She shouldn't be the first one to see him. It should be Kendall or James or Logan. They should be standing here, trying to find the words to apologize for everything they had done. Trying to tell him that he was loved and welcome in Apartment 2J. But they weren't here. Camille was the only person who would be there when Carlos woke up. The only person who still cared about him.

Turning the doorknob, she pushed the strangely heavy door open and peered inside the dim lit room. There was a small lamp on the table beside Carlos' bed, the only thing offering light inside the room. Stepping inside the room, Camille quietly shut the door behind her and let her gaze travel to the person on the bed.

There was a bandage wrapped around Carlos' forehead, extra padding placed where the cut on his eyebrow to ease the bleeding. She could make out the bruises on his tan face that was shaded purple and slightly green. His black eye was only slightly puffy but from the multicolored bruise on his eyelid, Camille knew it would be difficult for him to open that eye. He had a dark bruise on his jaw that traveled down his neck to his collarbone and several band-aids had been applied to his collarbone where the shoes of his tormentors had lefts scratches.

The blanket was only pulled up to Carlos' waist and his shirt had been removed, so Camille could see the real damage the monsters had inflicted. There was a bandage wrapped around the spot where his abs should have been and she could see the bruises peeking out from under the white gauze. A few spots on the gauze had been turned a pale red but she could tell that the bleeding had stopped. A thin, tape-like bandage was placed on the bridge of his nose and Camille guessed that it was broken. One thing that Dr. Torres had failed to mention.

Crossing the room to stand beside the sleeping boy, Camille couldn't help but let the tears fall. Her heart felt as if it was being torn in two. The sympathy she felt for Carlos. His best friends had broken him beyond repair. The people who were supposed to protect him had turned into monsters that would plague his dreams for a long time. His entire world was shattering around him and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Camille couldn't help but feel her heart break as she felt for the boy on the bed in front of her. He didn't deserve this. Nobody deserved this.

Silently sliding into the cushioned chair beside Carlos' bed, Camille just gazed sadly at the Latino. Her tears rained down her cheeks freely and she made no move to stop them. There was nothing that would make her stop crying. Not unless she could go back in time and stop this from ever happening. She placed her hand on top of Carlos' and sighed when she felt how cold it was. As if all the warmth and love and soul had been stripped from his body. If it hadn't been for the heart monitor beside the bed, Camille would have thought he was dead.

She rubbed circles into the back of his hand with her thumb, hoping that he would feel comfort. After all that had happened, he needed some comfort. She wasn't sure if he was dreaming, in whatever state his mind was in at that moment, but she wanted him to be happy. At least in his dreams, he could run away from reality for a while.

At least, in his dreams, the monsters couldn't touch him.

* * *

><p>"Camille?"<p>

For the second time in the past twelve hours, Camille Roberts jumped in her seat. She had been almost asleep when the voice rang in her ears, jerking her back to full consciousness. At first, she had no idea where the voice had come from. There were no nurses or doctors in the room and Carlos was still asleep. He was a asleep, right?

Turning her head to face the Latino on the bed, her eyes widened when they met a pair of brown orbs. They stared at each other for a minute before Camille began to feel herself tear up once more and instinctfully; she brought a hand to her face to hide the tears. Just as the pads of her fingers brushed against the base of her eyelid, she felt a warm hand gently grab a hold of her wrist.

Carlos slowly pulled her hand back down and examined her eyes, frowning sadly when he realized that she had been crying. He also noticed the dark circles that were beginning to bruise her under eyelids. He had no idea how long she had been sitting there, but it was obvious that she hadn't slept at all.

"Don't cry, Camille." Carlos whispered softly, letting his hand slide away from her wrist to grip her palm instead. Holding the girl's hand, he watched as she blinked a few times, trying to chase away the tears without any luck.

"How can I not cry, Carlos?" The girl choked, her red eyes resting on the bruised body of her friend. He winced at her words but shook his head, his lips turned up into a faint smile. She could tell her was in pain, but he was somehow managing to remain his normal happy self. The two sat there for a few silent moments as Camille let a few silent tears travel down her rosy cheeks until she finally spoke the words she had wanted to ask since he showed up outside her apartment.

"Why did they do it?"

Carlos seemed taken back by the question as his eyes widened and he looked down at his hand that still held on to hers. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed before letting his gaze travel back up to her face as he spoke.

"You said it yourself, Camille. They hate me." Carlos whispered, wincing as he spoke the last sentence. Saying it in his head was one thing, but saying it out loud made it seem even more real. His best friends – well, former best friends – hated him.

"Carlos…" Camille whispered sympathetically. She didn't want her friend to be experiencing this much pain, but there was nothing she could do about it. He shook his head and she felt a warm tear fall onto the back of her hand. She hadn't realized Carlos was crying – a fact that broke her heart even more.

"_Why_ though? _Why_ do they hate me so much?" The tone in Carlos' voice was enough to rip Camille's heart completely in half. He sounded so broken. So betrayed. So hurt. "Did I do something? Did I do something that made them hate me? I-I don't remember getting into a fight with any of them. I don't remember doing anything to make them mad."

Tears were streaming down Carlos' face now as he spoke. He looked up at Camille with swollen eyes and a heartbroken expression that caused her to tear up as well. He stared at her with a pleading look, as if begging her for answers. She shook her head and looked away, never letting go of his hand the entire time. "I don't know, Carlos. I don't know."

As she stared at her feet beside the bed, she could hear him choke back tears as he began to sob. She wanted to tell him that this was all just a horrible nightmare and that he would wake up soon, but she couldn't. This was real and there was nothing she could do to stop Carlos' world from shattering. She could only sit there and hold his hand as he cried, muttering questions that she couldn't answer.

"Camille?"

The finally tore her gaze away from the ground below to look up at Carlos, surprised to see that he had stopped crying long enough to speak to her. His eyes were still red and swollen, but his eyes told her that there was something else that was bothering him.

"Please don't make me go home." His voice cracked halfway through the sentence, the fear so obvious in his eyes that even a child would know how scared he was of the monsters he used to call his friends.

"Of course not, Carlos. You can stay with me." Camille smiled softly, squeezing his hand slightly as he sighed with relief. There was no way in _hell_ she was going to let Carlos return to Apartment 2J. "When I go there to break up with Logan tomorrow, I'll grab your things."

Carlos' eyes widened at her words. "N-no, don't break up with Logan! You make him so happy… I don't want to come between such a good relationship."

Camille felt her own eyes widen, "Are you crazy? I'm not staying with him! He beat you up!"

"Camille, you have no idea how happy you make Logan. Every time he talks about you, he glows. He loves you, Camille. Don't break his heart." The broken man on the bed whispered.

"But… he hurt you…"

"Even if he hates me, he's still _my_ brother. I don't want to see him heartbroken." Carlos blinked away the tears that began to form in his eyes.

Camille felt her jaw drop softly. She knew that Carlos always tried to find the good in people, but she never thought that he would still be protecting someone who had almost killed him. Even though his former best friends had turned into monsters, he still wanted to see them happy. "Carlos…"

"Promise me, Camille?" Carlos pleaded, "Promise me that you won't break up with him unless he hurts _you_ personally. Don't let someone like me ruin something so great."

Camille opened her mouth to tell him that she wouldn't be able to forgive him after this, but something stopped her. It might have been the glint in Carlos' eyes that pretty much begged her to make that promise, or the fact that she was so tired, her eyelids felt as though they were being weighed down by sand, but she nodded. Even though she could still feel the rage in her veins every time she thought about what the monsters had done, she had to make this promise to Carlos. She couldn't hurt him anymore than he already was.

"I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>Hooray! A wild update appears!<strong>

**I've been working on this chapter since Tuesday and I'm so happy that I finally got the computer long enough to wrap it up. I'll get started on the next chapter as soon a possible, so keep a look out for updates soon!  
><strong>

**I'm really grateful for all the reviews you guys leave and I apologize for not responding to them personally, but I know that a lot of you guys have been asking for Bradley to come back. Don't worry, your Bradlos heart will be getting it's fill soon. Probably not in the next chapter, but most likely the one after that. He won't be a minor character for very long, so those of you who really like his character will be able to get a spoonful of him soon.  
><strong>

**I love all of you and your inspiring reviews!  
><strong>

**Smoochies! -Carnie  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 9

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Nine**_

Carlos paced back in forth in the center of Camille's small living room, a fist drawn to his mouth in a form of concentration. His eyes were staring absently in front of him and his breath was coming out in shaky gasps. His feet created a scuffling noise that echoed a little too loudly throughout the silent apartment, but he didn't stop his pacing. Glancing up at the clock mounted on the wall beside Camille's gray couch, he read that it had been an hour since Camille left on her date with Logan.

He had been frantically checking that clock for the past thirty minutes, when he started to get the same feeling he did right before the monsters beat the living hell out of him. He had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. Something _really_ bad.

He had been out of the hospital for a week already and the pain medication that Dr. Torres had prescribed for him was doing its job. He hardly ever felt the physical pain, but Camille insisted on not giving him a full dosage because she wanted to make sure if he was healing properly. Hanging out with Logan as much as she did could really rub off some of his doctor instincts.

Carlos had been confined in the hospital for three days. Three long days that were almost torturous. But he shouldn't be complaining. Originally, he was supposed to stay for five days, but Dr. Torres had been able to clear him early. Although the doctor labeled him fit enough to go home, Camille was still hesitant. The first two days after he was released, Camille kept him confined to the bed in the guest bedroom.

The guest bedroom originally belonged to Mr. Roberts, but the man had moved back to his home in Brooklyn a little over a year ago. Since then, Camille had turned his room into a guest room. But, judging by the layer of dust that covered the furniture inside, Carlos guessed it was hardly ever used. The only company Camille usually had for a long period of time was Logan, and when he didn't return to his own bed in Apartment 2J, he and Camille shared a bed.

Even though he wasn't happy about being on bed rest, he managed to get some rest. Since that horrible night, he had been unable to sleep properly. Maybe it was the noise of the hospital with the machine's beeping and the constant chatter of the nurses. Or maybe it was the images that clouded his mind every time Carlos so much as closed his eyes. Images of that night. Images that kept him looking over his shoulder constantly, even if he knew nothing was there.

As much as he liked staying with Camille – the girl was actually rather nice, when she wasn't practicing how hard she could slap someone, that is – he didn't feel safe. After he managed to convince Camille to let him at least roam around her small apartment, he found it hard to feel comfortable.

He felt… exposed.

He couldn't stop himself from constantly glancing over his shoulder or hesitantly walking into rooms. He was terrified that if he let his guard down, the monsters would get him again. And he wasn't the only one afraid of that possibility.

Camille had blatantly refused to let him even step foot out of the apartment. She wouldn't say it out loud, but she was afraid that if she let Carlos leave her apartment alone, Kendall, James or Logan would get him. She was terrified of what they would do if they got their hands on him. As much as she wished she could trust the boys like she had the past three years, she couldn't. They had changed. They weren't the same, down to earth, kind boys they had been when they first moved into the Palm Woods. Now, they were selfish people who would willingly kill their best friend to get what they wanted.

But, although the medication was working, no amount of medicine in the world could ease the emotional pain that Carlos was feeling. Every time he thought about that night, or any memory he shared with the people he used to call his friends, or thought about them in general, he felt a stabbing pain in his heart. He had trusted them and they ripped him apart like savages.

Every ounce of trust in his three best friends was gone. He didn't know if they would ever by the same again, but it would take a _long_ time to build up that much trust again.

_RING!_

Carlos was brought out of his trance as the loud ringing echoed throughout the apartment. He froze mid-pace, left foot suspended in the air as he tried to figure out what the sound was. Then, something clicked in his mind and he let out a sigh of relief.

That was a problem too. Any sudden movements or noises cause Carlos' heart to skip a beat. He felt as though the monsters would jump out and grab him at any moment and every noise was an insult and another strike. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and placed his foot down on the carpet, feeling his heartbeat return to normal.

_RING!_

Walking across the living room in the direction of the kitchen, Carlos spotted his white cell phone sitting on the counter. The constant ringing bounced off of the white marble, causing the noise to be louder than usual. Reaching for his phone, Carlos glanced at the screen and felt his stomach drop.

Camille.

With a shaky hand, Carlos accepted the call and held the phone up to his ear. The feeling of dread was back and he swallowed thickly before speaking, expecting the worst. "H-hello?"

"Carlos! Oh my god, this is really, _really_ bad." Camille's voice was frantic and tainted with fear and regret. Carlos furrowed his eyebrows together and felt his stomach drop even more, if that was even possible.

"W-what happened?" He choked out, almost not wanting to know. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for whatever Camille had to say.

"Logan found out that you're staying with me. Carlos, he's so angry. I don't think I've ever seen him this mad." He could hear the tears in Camille's voice and Carlos was sure that every organ in his body was lodged in his throat. "I'm so sorry… oh… oh my god."

"What do you mean, he found out?"

"We were talking about my father and how weird it's been without him in the apartment with me and I happened to mention that it felt nice having company again. "Camille's voice cracked as she spoke but she continued anyway, "He asked me what I meant and then I tried to cover it up but he asked if _you_ were staying with me and I hesitated so he knew it was true. He was so angry, Carlos, he was shaking. He just got in his car and speed off… I think he's headed towards the Palm Woods."

The Latino's entire body went numb as she spoke. His grip on the phone tightened as fear flooded through his veins and his words came out in shaky gasps. "W-what do I do?"

"You have to get out of there, Carlos. You need to put as much distant between yourself and the Palm Woods as you can. I'm afraid of what might happen if Logan finds you."

"You don't think he would…" Carlos trailed off as he remembered Logan's threat.

Camille sighed, "Carlos, I have no idea what he would do. I just know that you wouldn't come out alive. You have to leave."

Carlos nodded and listened as the phone went dead, signaling that Camille hung up. He couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness that she hadn't even said goodbye, but he quickly brushed it off as the reality of the situation hit him.

Logan had found out that he was staying with Camille. The raven had personally told Carlos that if he went anywhere near Camille, Logan would beat the living hell out of him. Normally, he wouldn't have taken the threat seriously, but Logan was a different person now. For all he knew, Logan could kill him when he finally reached the apartment.

When he reached the apartment.

Eyes widening in fear, Carlos realized that he needed to get out of there. He needed to get as far away from Logan as he could. He needed to _run_.

Sprinting for the door, Carlos clutched the doorknob and was about to turn it when he noticed the object clenched in his other hand. Glancing down at his phone, Carlos remembered when Kendall and Kelly tracked Gustavo's phone to find out where he was. What if Logan made it to the apartment and found it empty? What if he and the other guys tracked his phone and found him? Fear causing his heart to pound in his chest, Carlos chose to play it safe.

Throwing his phone down on the hardwood floor, he watched as the screen shattered. Bringing his foot down heavily on the small device, he heard a satisfying crunch as he broke his phone into a million pieces. Turning the doorknob, Carlos pulled the door open and stumbled into the hallway.

He looked down both sides of the hallway, making sure Logan wasn't already there and headed straight for him, before sprinting towards the elevators. As soon as he reached the silver doors, hand hovering over the down arrow, he realized that the elevators would be the first place for Logan to go. If he went into the lobby, there was a higher chance that he would run into the raven, or worse, Kendall and James.

Turning around, Carlos made his way in the opposite direction. In the back of the building was a stairwell that leads to the parking lot. Reaching the door with a small sign that read "stairwell", Carlos pulled on the handle and walked onto the staircase. He felt slightly safer in the small space, since he knew Logan never came back here. He wouldn't doubt that the raven would at least check and just the thought of that possibility caused the adrenaline to pump through Carlos' blood and spread like a wildfire.

Rushing down three flights of stairs as quickly as he could without falling, Carlos reached the door with a big exit sign overhead. Turning the handle, Carlos pushed himself out of the building and gasped when he was hit with a gust of wind and rain.

He hadn't noticed that it was raining outside. In fact, it wasn't just rain, it was a _downpour_. He almost stumbled back into the stairwell but he instantly remembered Logan and pushed himself out of the shelter of the small overhang and into the storm.

The water soaked through his clothes quickly, but he didn't care. His only instinct was to get out of there as quickly as he could. Glancing around the parking lot, Carlos couldn't help but sigh with relief when he didn't spot Logan's car. Feeling the water weigh down his clothes, Carlos stumbled across the wet lot as quickly as he could. He didn't want to risk slipping and injuring himself even further, so he refrained from running.

He could see headlights pulling into the parking lot, even though he knew it wasn't Logan because he _always_ used his blinker and this person didn't, and pushed himself through the clump of bushes that lined the Palm Woods Park. He was surprised that the dirt hadn't been turned to mud yet as he sprinted across the park.

As he glanced around briefly, he noticed that the park was entirely empty. The rain must have chased everyone back into the safety of their apartments. But Carlos was silently thankful for the downpour. At least nobody would be there to witness his escape. He didn't want anyone to know of his departure. He didn't want any connection to this place. Carlos finally came to a halt when he reached the gate. Leaning over and taking deep breaths in attempt to bring some air into his lungs, he remembered the last time he had passed through this gate. It was a little over a month and a half ago, when Camille took him to meet Bradley.

Wait.

Bradley.

Eyes widening, Carlos suddenly remembered the man that always comforted him in his dreams. The man that always chased away the monsters and protected him. But those were in his dreams. His nightmares. And he was living a nightmare this time and waking up wouldn't chase the horrors away. As unrealistic as it sounded, he knew that finding Bradley would help him.

Not even bothering to look back, Carlos started in the direction of the coffee shop where he had first met the blonde. All he remembered about the location was that it was past the photography school a few blocks from the Palm Woods and across the street from Hawk Records. He might not be great with directions but once he saw the large silver building, he would be able to find his way.

As he walked, the rain began to let up. The clouds were still dark and the rain was still heavy but he was able to at least see where he was going. Ignoring the fact that his body temperature was decreasing and his teeth were chattering, Carlos tried to keep his mind off of the current situation as he walked. It wasn't long before he passed by the photography school where lights shone through the windows and the occasional flash in an upstairs window matched the lightning and seemed to pull him towards the building. Fighting the urge to go inside, Carlos proceeded down the street.

It wasn't long before he was able to make out the tall silhouette of Hawk Records. For some reason, walking there in the rain and freezing, Carlos was surprised at how quickly he reached his destination. Maybe it was because he was absently running and the adrenaline was still pumping strong in his body. Shaking his head and sending streaks of water into the still falling rain, Carlos headed towards the small, familiar building across the street from Hawk Records.

He could tell that it was open by the lights that shone from the inside and he was almost reluctant to enter. He wasn't even sure that Bradley still remembered him. What is he just sent Carlos away?

The Latino decided to walk inside anyway. It wasn't like he had anything to loose.

Turning the handle and pushing the door open, Carlos jumped at the loud chime that rang throughout the shop. He instantly noticed that there were no customers and he almost thought the shop was empty, until he heard a soft laughter from behind the cash register.

He immediately recognized Bradley and his friend Nate, who Carlos was surprised he even remembered. He had only met the guy for five seconds before Bradley pulled him out of the shop and into his car. The two employees were laughing at something that had been said before Carlos entered and they seemed to have not noticed the chime or the face that they had a visitor.

Letting the door fall shut behind him, Carlos heard another chime. This time, it caught the attention of the two men and they both looked in his direction. Nate's eyes widened and his jaw dropped at Carlos' appearance. The Latino guessed that he looked awful after walking in the rain for so long. He also still sported bruises from last week. He literally looked like a kicked puppy.

Bradley stared at Carlos in shock but quickly got over it as he saw the Latino sway on his feet. Feeling a wave of exhaustion and fatigue cloud his mind, Carlos found it hard to keep his footing. Leaning back against the door, Carlos slid down to the floor and watched as the world slowly turned back. Bradley was at his side in an instant, saying something that Carlos couldn't quite comprehend as he tried to fight the fatigue that swarmed in his head and flooded through his body.

All he could register before he completely blacked out was Bradley's bright brown eyes and the words he mouthed as Carlos' eyes slid shut.

"You're safe now."

* * *

><p><strong>So, last night I posted an entirely different chapter that <em>really<em> sucked. In fact, I hated it with almost every fiber of my being. So, me, being the perfectionist I am, went back and rewrote the entire thing. I'm actually kind of happy with this chapter even if it isn't my best work, but it is at least 6000 times better than what I posted last night.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. I'll try to update again soon because summer is finally here! Whoo! Keep a lookout for chapter eleven soon! Might even be a little sooner than you think(;  
><strong>

**Don't forget to leave a review! Thankies! - Carnie  
><strong>


	11. Chapter 10

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Ten**_

"You're safe now."

The single, seemingly meaningless sentence uttered by the man before him echoed in Carlos' mind as his eyes slid shut and darkness clouded his vision. At first, the sentence didn't register and Carlos ignored it, focusing only on the exhaustion that overwhelmed his body and slowly dragged him into sleep. As the noises of the world around him slowly faded away, Carlos noticed that the sentence still lingered in his mind.

"You're safe now."

Eyes snapping open, Carlos jerked up into a sitting position, startling both the blonde that knelt in front of him and himself. Feeling his head pound in response to his sudden movement, he groaned loudly and brought a shaky hand up to his forehead. The rain had chilled his skin and the warm air inside the coffee shop had not yet warmed his body, so his hand did a good job at easing the headache. At least a little.

As the world started to come into focus again, Carlos began to notice all the sounds around him increasing in volume. He also noticed that someone was speaking to him.

"Carlos, can you hear me?" Bradley leaned closer to Carlos' ear, a concerned look in his dark brown eyes. He rested one of his pale hands on Carlos' still damp shoulder, reflexively jerking back when Carlos flinched against his touch. "Carlos?"

Shaking his head slightly to relieve the relentless buzzing in his ears, Carlos looked up at Bradley, meeting his gaze almost instantly. He could see the concern and alarm in Bradley's brown eyes, feeling a pain of guilt in his chest for causing the older man to be distressed. Nodding almost barely, Carlos uttered his response. "Y-yes."

Sighing in relief, Bradley smiled slightly and looked over his shoulder at the man that stood behind him. Carlos let his eyes travel from Bradley's face to examine the physique of the man who stood by the counter. He had dark skin, darker than Carlos', and seemed to be about the same height as the Latino. His hair was divided into several cornrows with black beads on the ends. The man was smiling and Carlos recognized him as Nate, the employee and friend of Bradley's that he had briefly met on the day Camille dragged him halfway across town to meet the blonde.

"Hey, Nate, go find him some clothes. He must be freezing." Bradley requested kindly and Nate nodded before turning around and pushing himself through a door labeled "Back Room". Bradley spoke in a very slight Irish accent and Carlos couldn't help but feel comforted by the way the man spoke.

He watched as the blonde pushed himself up off the floor and into a standing position before turning around and offering a hand to the Latino who was still on the floor. Carlos eagerly took his hand and noticed that Bradley's hands were unusually cold but warmed as Carlos held it. The blonde smiled at Carlos for a moment, still holding his hand, until a loud thud came from behind. Reluctantly letting go of Bradley's hand, Carlos reverted his attention to the door that Nate had disappeared through moments ago.

As if on cue, the door swung open and Nate stumbled out, chuckling to himself and holding a lump of clothes in his arms. The door was stopped from closing by a fallen box and Nate swiftly kicked the box back into the room and nodding to himself when the door shut with a satisfying click. Turning to face the two men who watched with in curious amusement, he extended his arms in Carlos' direction, offering him the clothes in his hands.

" 'ere ya go." Nate said happily as Carlos took the clothes gratefully before whirling around and walking behind the counter where the coffee machines and endless stacks of foam cups almost touched the ceiling. "We be needin' to close up shop soon, Brad. I'm guessin' we won' be gettin' a lotta customers in this storm."

Carlos raised his eyebrows at the way Nate seemed to just bounce over his words. It was like talking to someone who had a trampoline where a voice box was supposed to be. He turned to see Bradley shaking his head and laughing before turning to look at the Latino beside him. "Don't mind him, he's a nut. The bathrooms are over where," The blonde pointed across the small shop to a dip in the wall where a hallway led to a row of doors that Carlos guessed were the bathrooms, "You can change in there."

Smiling gratefully, Carlos headed across the shop and glanced over his shoulder when he reached the hallway. Nate and Bradley were shoving each other playfully as they stacked cups on the counter, talking amongst themselves about god-knows-what. Normally, Carlos wouldn't have come to trust people this easily, but there was something different about these guys. Something that seemed to fill the hole in his heart. The hole that had been eating away at him ever since his friends practically threw him away.

Making his way down the dim lit hallway, Carlos paused in front of the door labeled "Men". Pushing the dark green door open, he flicked on the light and closed the door behind him, locking it as he did so. Stripping away his shirt, Carlos glanced at himself in the mirror out of the corner of his eye. His jaw fell open as he saw that his torso was almost entirely black and blue, covered with several bruises and even a cut here and there. Since the incident in the apartment a little over a week ago, Carlos had refused to even look at the damage done.

His collarbone and arms only held a few bruises, only one nasty one on his left bicep, but the real damage was on his ribs and stomach. He knew that his ribs had been broken but he had no idea it looked like _this_. His entire left side had been turned purple and as he ran the pads of his fingers over his bruised flesh, he could feel the spots where his ribs had been cracked. They were slowly healing but that didn't keep him from wincing. All over his stomach were yellow and green bruises that made Carlos' eyes water just by looking at them. The pain pills kept the bruises from hurting too bad, but what really hurt was the fact that the people he once considers his best friends had done this to him.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Carlos stripped away the remainder of his damp clothes and began to dress himself in the clothes Nate had collected for him. It was a black polo shirt with the coffee shop logo on the front and bringing the soft fabric up to his nose; Carlos inhaled the warm sent of fabric softener and coffee. Pulling the black polo over his head, Carlos adjusted the collar and looked away from his reflection as he pulled on the dark jeans that seemed to fit perfectly. Nate _was_ the same height as Carlos, so maybe they wore the same size clothes.

Gathering his wet clothes, Carlos unlocked the bathroom door and made his way down the hallway and back into the small shop. He could hear the patter of rain against the windows and the low rumble of thunder but he ignored it as he crossed the room towards the counter where Brad and Nate were cleaning the coffee makers.

" 'ey, he's back!" Nate announced happily as he noticed Carlos' return. He danced around the corner and made his way over to the Latino, eagerly taking his damp clothes and smiling at Carlos. "What do ya wan' me to do with his clothes, Brad?"

Bradley was too focused on taking apart the coffee grinder to look up but he managed a response. "I'll take them back to my place and dry them there."

"Don' you think he will be wantin' to go home-"

Carlos' eyes widened in alarm at Nate's words and he interrupted quickly, "Uh, no thanks. Home is the last place I want to be right now."

Bradley looked up from the coffee grinder and raised an eyebrow at Carlos' words. Exchanging a glance with Nate as if having a silent conversation, he set the machine down on the black counter and made his way around the counter to where the other two men stood. Keeping his eyes on Carlos, Bradley spoke, "Nate, can you handle that coffee grinder for me?"

Nate nodded and quickly made his way to the spot where the blonde previously stood; eyeing the machine as he swiftly took it apart with ease. Picking up a small container, he pulled out a few white slips that smelled like cleaner as he began to wipe down the machine in the process of cleaning it. Carlos felt Bradley grab his shoulder and looked away from Nate's work as the blonde led him across the shop towards the windows that looked out onto the street.

Taking a seat at the table nearest the windows, Carlos watched as the rain continued its downpour outside. He could see the sky lighting up in the distance as the worst of the storm began to cover the city. Rain pounded against the windows and made it hard to see much outside but Carlos could make out the large, silver letters that said "Hawk Records" across the street.

"Carlos."

Bradley's voice shook Carlos from his thoughts as the Latino slowly turned his head to face the blonde. Bradley was sitting in the chair across from him, leaning back in his chair with his legs crossed and eyebrows furrowed. Carlos couldn't help but notice that Bradley's facial expressions, especially his eyebrows, reminded him of Kendall. Sure, the two looked nothing alike, but he couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness when he thought of his former best friend.

"Yes?" Carlos replied, refusing to look into Bradley's eyes and instead looking at the table and picking at a chip in the wood with his index finger.

"Now that you're dry and warm, I want to ask you a question." Bradley spoke, his voice almost grave, as he leaned forward in his seat, resting his forearms on the table as he looked at the Latino.

"Shoot."

Taking a deep breath, Bradley looked down at his arms for a moment, seeming to be getting his words together before looking back up at Carlos with questioning eyes. "What happened?"

"I don't know what you-"

"God damnit, Carlos! You know what I'm talking about!" Bradley snapped, causing the Latino to flinch in surprise. They're eyes locked for a moment before Bradley's face softened and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Since I dropped you off at the Palm Woods that day, I've been talking to Camille a lot more. She's told me how you used to be so happy, one of the happiest people she knew, but you've had a very hard month."

Carlos avoided Bradley's eyes as he spoke, continuing to pick at the chip in the wood. Never looking away from the table, Carlos responded, "What has she told you?"

It was Bradley's turn to look away now, gazing out the window as he watched the intensity of the storm increase. "Everything."

The Latino remained silent, not sure how to respond to this new bit of information. He knew Camille wasn't the type to spill secrets, so she must have had a particular reason for telling Bradley about what was going on. Maybe she knew something that he didn't. Maybe she knew how Carlos felt about being in Bradley's presence. How it made him feel safe. Protected.

"Listen, I know it was none of my business and she was reluctant to tell me but she wanted me to know." The blonde explained.

Carlos looked away from the chip in the wood and up at Bradley, finally meeting his eyes. He could tell that the blonde was worried about him. Hell, who wouldn't be?

"Why?" The Latino asked almost silently. If Bradley hadn't been leaning on the table, he might have missed it altogether.

Sighing once more, Bradley ran a hand through his hair and let his arm fall back onto the table, rocking it slightly. "Because she knew that you wouldn't be safe at the Palm Woods. She knew that you were going to have to come find me sooner or later."

The Latino couldn't help but smile at Bradley's words. Camille had gone out of her way to protect him. He knew as well as she did that he wouldn't be safe at the Palm Woods. Even if he _did_ stay hidden in her apartment, he couldn't stay there forever. She knew that she would have to find a place for him. A place where he would be safe.

"That girl." Carlos murmured into his smile, "What would I do without her?"

Bradley chuckled and stood up out of his chair, glancing over at Nate who was closing the shutters of the windows. "I'm going to help him close up shop. You can stay at my place for the night and we can grab some chow on the way there. What do you say?"

Carlos smiled and nodded, feeling happier than he had since hiatus started. "I'd like that."

* * *

><p>"… So Mandy and Nate took the guy's cappuccino and poured hot sauce into it. The look on the guy's face was priceless." Bradley took a bite of his orange chicken as he finished his story, smiling as Carlos cracked up on the couch beside him.<p>

"And they didn't get fired?" The Latino asked as soon as he stopped laughing, taking a bite out of his own box of fried rice.

"Nope. Our manager, Tony, thought it was hilarious and accused the guy of lying. Needless to say, he's never come back." The blonde chuckled, stabbing his chicken with the fork and twirling it around in his fingers.

Carlos smiled and leaned back against Bradley's black couch, gazing around his small apartment. It was a one-bedroom place with a small kitchen and a pretty decent living space – much like Lucy's apartment – and surprisingly, Carlos really liked it. Even though it was small, it was actually pretty nice.

"Are you done?" The Latino looked up to see that Bradley was standing in front of him, gesturing towards the now empty box of fried rice in Carlos hands. Nodding, Carlos let the blonde take the box and stood up as well, following Bradley into the kitchen.

"Thanks for the dinner." The Latino spoke gratefully, watching as Bradley tossed the empty containers into the trash and picked up a fortune cookie, handing Carlos one as well.

"Pleasure's mine." Bradley smiled as he snapped the cookie in half and pulled out the small fortune. "_Next summer, you will dance to a different beat._ Whatever that means."

"_Your past success will be overshadowed by your future success._" Carlos read aloud, looking up at Bradley with wide eyes.

"Nice." The blonde smiled and popped the cookie into his mouth, tossing his fortune into the trash as he did so. He walked past Carlos and picked up the Latino's pile of clothes that had been soaked once more on the trip from the car to the apartment building, smiling sheepishly as he turned to the Latino. "I'm going to go take these down to the laundry room for you. The couch folds out into a bed and there are blankets in the closet."

"Thank you."

"Any time."

"No, I mean, thank you. For helping me and letting me stay here." Carlos smiled warily at the blonde, who just chuckled in response.

"Like I said, anytime." Carlos watched as Bradley pushed through the front door and walk down the hallway as the door shut behind him, leaving Carlos alone in the small apartment.

Gathering a few blankets and a pillow from the closet near the bedroom, Carlos unfolded the couch and made himself a rather comfortable bed. Lying down on the makeshift bed, Carlos rested his head on the pillow, feeling the fatigue he had ignored all evening begin to overwhelm his body.

Letting his eyes slide shut, Carlos couldn't help but smile. He felt safe. He was free of the monsters he once called friends.

For now.

* * *

><p><strong>Phew! It really is surprising how writing can take a lot out of you. It requires so much thinking, head space, and energy, but it's so much fun!<strong>

**I'm sorry for not updating sooner, like I said, it takes a lot out of you. I also apologize for not personally responding to your reviews, but I will let you know that I love each and every one of them. Every time I update, I don't expect the response that I get so it's always a rush to see what you guys have to say about my little story.  
><strong>

**See what I did there? I made a rush pun. Ha... ha...  
><strong>

**Anyway, thank you for all of your feedback! I love all of you and I hope you guys liked this chapter!  
><strong>

**Smoochies! - Carnie  
><strong>


	12. Chapter 11

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Eleven**_

"_Carlos! Wait up!"_

_The short boy turned around and stuck his tongue out at his three best friends who trailed behind him, out of breath and shivering from the cold. James glared at him and Carlos rolled his eyes. He should have known that his friends would have trouble keeping up. _

"_Where on earth are we going anyway, 'litos?" Logan whined, trudging up the hill as his stamina slowly drained out. He had used up most of his energy in hockey practice earlier that day and he just really wanted to go home. It was too cold outside for early evening adventures. "I'm tired and cold and I just want to go home."_

_Carlos paused at the top of the hill and looked back at his friends who were still making their way up towards him. "I found this really cool thing yesterday after practice, on my way home, and I want to show you guys!"_

_Logan groaned and Kendall and James couldn't help but chuckle at how excited Carlos looked. He was smiling brightly and bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. "Carlos stop bouncing, it's exhausting and you look like a little kid."_

_Carlos glared at Logan, putting his hands on his hips as his friends finally caught up to him, "I _am_ a little kid, Logie. I'm nine years old!"_

"_Yeah, but you're almost in the double digits and you need to start acting like a grown up." Logan argued, ignoring James as the boy cleared is throat in attempt to get the attention of the two boys._

"_You just want to rub in that you guys are in the double digits and I'm not!" Carlos argued back crossly, sticking his tongue out again in Logan's direction. James' cleared his throat again but the boys ignored it._

"_There you go! Acting like a child and sticking your tongue out!" Logan pointed at Carlos' pink tongue, flinching back when the Latino snapped at his finger playfully. This time, Kendall and James cleared their throats at the same time and Carlos and Logan turned around to glare at them._

"_Let's just go. I want you guys to see it." Carlos turned away from Logan who still looked slightly annoyed as he ran down the other side of the hill and towards the forest of trees behind their neighborhoods._

"_Carlos, wait up! We aren't supposed to go in there!" Kendall called after him as the other three boys followed in pursuit. Even though the boys were tired and cold, they were fast and caught up to Carlos quickly. They ran a few meters into the forest until Carlos stopped abruptly and the three of them almost plowed into the back of their short friend._

"_Look." Carlos breathed and his three best friends followed his gaze a few more feet into the forest._

_Large rocks and boulders littered the forest floor as the grass dipped down into the shallow water of a creek. Water swarmed around the boulders that were covered in moss, algae, and fallen leaves. The creek made the softest hum as it traveled past their feet and deeper into the forest. Logan jumped a little as a frog jumped out of the water and onto the largest boulder, making a loud croak as it did so. Carlos' eyes sparkled as he watched the water and turned to his three friends to smile at them, proud of what a beautiful thing he found._

"_How did you find this?" James asked, looking away from the creek and at his shorter friend. The boys had been told specifically not to go into the forest and Carlos wasn't one to really break the rules. Not at age nine anyway._

"_I was walking home and I saw a rabbit and I chased it into the woods. It jumped across the creek but I stopped because I thought it was pretty." Carlos explained weakly, earning an unimpressed look from Logan. He knew Carlos was only nine and not the best at wording things, but it kind of irked him when people didn't explain things to the full extent._

_Kendall smirked and walked up to the nearest tree, pulling his pocketknife out of his pocket. Mr. Knight gave Kendall the pocketknife before he died and Kendall had made a promise to use it responsibly and had it on him at all times. He wouldn't say it out loud, but it comforted him. The pocketknife was important to his dad, so it felt like he always had his father with him. _

_Pulling out the blade, he stripped a section of bark from the side and let it fall into the grass below. He brought the tip of the knife to the exposed sapwood. The other three boys watched him curiously until he stepped back to admire the words he had carved into the tree._

"Property of the Brothers of the Ice – Kendall Knight, James Diamond, Carlos Garcia, and Logan Mitchell._" James read aloud, smiling as he finished. Nodding his approval, James stepped towards the tree and put his hand on the carving. As if silently speaking to each other, which they probably were, the other three boys did the same. _

"_For as long as we live, we will always be best friends. Nothing will ever come between us, even when we are grown up and have families and jobs and live thousands of miles away. We'll be together forever. Promise?" Kendall said in a completely serious tone._

_James, Logan, and Carlos smiled at him and nodded, speaking in unison as they replied, "We promise."_

"_Me too." Kendall let his hand fall from the tree as he swung his arm over Carlos and James' shoulders. "Now who wants to eat dinner at my house? My mom is making Dinosaur Chicken!"_

* * *

><p>Carlos jolted awake, ten-year-old Kendall's voice still ringing in his ears as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes. His blue blanket slipped from his shoulders as he sat up and the Latino's heart sped up as soon as he realized he wasn't in Apartment 2J or Camille's apartment either. Glancing around the strange, unfamiliar apartment with wide eyes, Carlos' head snapped in the direction of the hallway to his left as he heard footsteps coming his way.<p>

"Hey, you're awake!" Carlos watched as a tall man with semi curly, dirty blonde hair emerged from the hallway and smiled at him. Then it clicked.

He was in Bradley's apartment. Safe and sound on the older man's couch – out of reach of his monsters. Relief washed over him and Carlos sighed, bringing a hand to his face to rub at his forehead. It wasn't like he had a headache, but the feeling of heartache and nostalgia from his dream was making him feel like he was about to throw up.

"Hey, are you okay?" Bradley's tone went from cheery to worried as soon as he saw Carlos' distressed form. He sat down beside the Latino on the couch, resting a hand on his back and rubbing circles. Carlos felt a pang of sadness when he remembered just how James used to do that when he was sad or something was bothering him.

"Yeah… just a bad dream." Carlos did his best to hide his watering eyes from Bradley's worried ones, feeling relieved when the man didn't press.

"Well, I know just the thing to cheer you up, Carlos." Bradley leapt up from the couch as he spoke, smiling down at the Latino with a bright smile. He reminded Carlos of himself – before all the bad things happened, anyway.

Pulling the rest of the blanket off his body, Carlos noticed his washed and dried clothes on the coffee table, folded nicely into a neat pile. He picked up the clothes and glanced up at Bradley with a questioning look, "What thing?"

"Just get dressed and I'll show you. I need to be at work in an hour so hurry up!" Bradley made his way back down the hallway to his bedroom, where Carlos assumed he would be changing into his work clothes.

Since there was nobody in the living room but himself, he decided to change in there. Although the clothes Nate gave him were comfortable, he felt a lot better in his own attire. Thinking back to how cheery and utterly _gay_ Bradley sounded before he disappeared into his bedroom, Carlos chuckled. He knew Bradley was trying to cheer him up, and frankly, it was working.

As soon as Carlos was dressed, he folded up the couch and the blanket, setting the blue fabric on one of the cushions with his pillow on top of it. As soon as he was done cleaning up after himself, he heard Bradley open the door of his bedroom and head back towards him.

"Ready?" The blonde asked as he picked his car keys off of the counter and headed towards the front door.

The Latino couldn't help but notice how cute Bradley looked in his uniform. It was basically what Nate had given Carlos to wear, but Bradley looked good in it. _Really _good.

Carlos smiled and scurried after him, "Ready."

* * *

><p>"The coffee shop?" Carlos asked with a confused tone as the blonde pulled up in front of the shop. He glanced over at Bradley and the older man chuckled, turning off his car and climbing out of his seat. Carlos shrugged and did the same, following his new friend as they entered the shop.<p>

As usual, the smell of brewing coffee hit Carlos' nostrils like a brick wall, but he didn't mind. It was actually kind of comforting. Following Bradley to the counter where a familiar form was bent over, fiddling with a coffee maker. "Hey, Nate."

Nate jerked up in surprise, obviously not have noticed the arrival of the two men. He recovered quickly and glared at Bradley as the blonde laughed, going back to messing with the machine in his hands.

"I'm going to show Carlos upstairs. If you need any help, just holler."

Nate waved him away, never taking his eyes off the machine, as Bradley motioned for Carlos to follow him. Pushing through one of the doors behind Nate, Carlos followed the blonde into a dimly lit hallway. The only light was coming from the shop and the stairs up ahead. There were a few doors in the hallway that read things like storage room, laundry room, and employee bathroom, but Carlos barely paid attention to them as the two men climbed up the stairs.

Bradley waited for him at the top before pulling a key out of his pocket and shoving the rigid edge into the lock. Fiddling with the lock as though it was slightly broken, Bradley bit his lip in adorable concentration before hearing a satisfying click and pushing the door open.

Peering into the room, Carlos immediately noticed the layers of dust that covered the walls. The room was mostly empty except for a table or two and a stack of curtains that Carlos assumed used to cover the windows in the coffee shop. Pushing past the blonde, Carlos walked into the room and glanced down when he heard a creak. The floorboards looked very dust and a little old, but sturdy nonetheless.

Taking a few more steps until he was standing in the middle of the room, Carlos let his eyes scan over the interior. There was a row of windows mimicking those downstairs and it looked pretty much the same as the coffee shop, except for the fact that the shop was actually taken care of. It looked like nobody had stepped a foot in here in months or years even.

"What is this place?" Carlos asked after admiring the room, letting his gaze fall on the man who stood in the doorway, smiling at the younger boy.

"Before the owner of the coffee shop rented out the building, it was some fancy restaurant that overlooked the city, hence the windows. But the place went bankrupt and Tony started up his own coffee shop. He was originally going to make it a two story, but he never got around to it. I asked him if we were every going to use it and he said no." Bradley explained, stepping inside the dusty room and looking around just as Carlos had. "I called him last night and told him I found someone who might be interested in the space up here."

Carlos tilted his head to the side curiously until he realized that the blonde was talking about _him_. "What could I possibly do with an empty loft?"

Bradley chuckled and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall and ignoring the dust that stuck to his clothes. "I figured since your band is no more, you would need a job. Camille told me you loved photography almost as much as singing and dancing, maybe even more."

The Latino stared at Bradley wide-eyed. "So…?"

"You can use this place as a studio." Bradley answered Carlos' silent question, watching as the younger boy registered his words.

As soon as Carlos realized what Bradley said, his face lit up in a bright smile. He didn't know why the idea sounded so exciting but he couldn't help but bounce up and down just like he had that day when he was nine back in Minnesota, ready to show his friends what would soon be their special place.

"I can have my own studio?" Carlos breathed, heart racing with excitement.

Bradley nodded and stood up straight, stepping forward until he stood in front of Carlos with a gentle smile on his face. "I figured you would want something to get your mind off of what happened."

The blonde took a hesitant step closer to Carlos, their faces only a few inches apart. Carlos felt his cheeks grow hot as he blushed, his smile never leaving his face. The taller man blinked, brown eyes glistening as he rested his hands gently on Carlos hips, pulling him slightly closer.

The Latino felt his heart speed up once more as Bradley leaned forward, closing his eyes as the blonde did so as his lips got closer and closer.

"Ahem."

Carlos opened his eyes in time to see Bradley bite his lip and glance at him in silent apology before standing up straight and turning around to face whoever cleared their throat.

Nate was standing in the doorway, and apologetic and nervous look on his face, breathing hard as though he had ran up the stairs. The two men raised their eyebrows in suspicion as they waited for Nate to catch his breath and speak.

"'m sorry to interrupt you guys 'n you can get back to uh… whaterr' you was doing but you have to see this." Nate's voice sounded distressed and his voice cracked on the last few words. Bradley and Carlos exchanged a confused look before following Nate's retreating form down the stairs.

"I know that you are having a lot better day than you was having yesterday, but I really think you need to be seeing this, Carlos." Nate glanced over his shoulder at the Latino with a worried and sympathetic look as the trio made their way down the hallway. Carlos felt the pit in his stomach from yesterday return as he expected the worst. Maybe the guys had found him and were in the shop, waiting to take him home and hurt him again. Carlos felt his palms begin to sweat at the thought of the guys finding him and his body shook slightly. He felt Bradley rest his hand on his back comfortingly and Carlos stopped shaking, knowing that nothing bad would happen with Bradley by his side.

As the three of them followed Nate through the door that lead to the shop, Carlos was surprised but relieved to see that the guys were nowhere in sight. He cocked an eyebrow at Nate until the man turned around and leaned against the counter, pointing at the television mounted on the wall.

Bradley and Carlos stood by his side as Nate unmated the television and the instrumental of Elevate rang from the speaker on the side of the television, followed by a video of Kendall, James, and Logan sitting on the couch being interviewed by someone Carlos had never heard of before in his life.

"So, your boss, Arthur Griffin, scheduled this interview because he said you boys wanted to share some very important news." The interviewer said in a way too cheery voice and a fake smile plastered onto her Botox-injected face.

"Yes, Delores. As you can see, there are only three of us here today. That is what we want to talk about and share information about with your fans. " Kendall spoke, smiling cockily as he tilted his head to the side, trying to make himself look adorable like he always did when he was trying to make a good impression or suck up.

Carlos' face fell at Kendall's words. He knew that the happy expression and good attitude was all an act. He knew that whatever Kendall said next would be a lie.

"Our fourth member, Carlos Garcia, has decided to quit Big Time Rush. He never really fit into the band and wasn't particularly interested in singing or dancing – or good at it, really." Kendall continued, pausing to let Logan pick up where he left off.

"We were actually supposed to go on a tour this summer, but Carlos felt as though he needed to take a break. Kendall, James, and myself had no problem with going on tour but Carlos refused. We recently went on hiatus for the summer and Carlos decided he was done with this life so he left." Logan smiled sweetly, faking a sad look when he explained why Carlos had left.

James continued as if the boys had rehearsed this interviews several times before going on air, "We are very sad that he is no longer in the band, but that doesn't mean the end of Big Time Rush. A three person boy band just won't work, so we have decided to hold auditions for a replacement for Carlos."

The interviewer faked a sad look at the news, "Are you sure you want to continue your career without your best friend?"

James shrugged, "He was always a bit distant from us. His departure is a bit of an inconvenience but we want to but our career first. Although he wasn't fit for the famous life, we are still friends behind the scenes."

The interviewer nodded and turned to face the camera, eyes sparkling and glossed lips moving as she spoke, "Auditions for the replacement member for Big Time Rush will be held at Roque Records at three p.m. all next week."

The video cut to commercial and Bradley and Nate turned to look at Carlos, who was staring at the screen in shock.

He couldn't believe that the guys would downright lie about everything on live television. He had most certainly not voluntarily chosen to leave the band. He _loved_ singing and dancing. He would have been the first to jump up at the opportunity to go on tour this summer, but it was Kendall and Logan's idea to go on hiatus.

It was obvious that the entire interview was rehearsed. James never would have used words like "distant", "departure", or "inconvenience". He probably had trouble even _pronouncing_ most of those words.

But what really pissed off Carlos was that James said they were still friends behind the scenes. God knows what he would give to still be friends with those guys.

Carlos looked down at the ground in defeat as Bradley stepped forward and muted the television. He felt the blonde's cold finger slip under his chin and lift up his head, Carlos' eyes watering as they locked with Bradley's.

"Forget about them. Soon they'll be just a distant memory." Bradley assured him and Carlos smiled, blinking away his tears and sniffling. There was no way he was going to cry. Not over people who didn't even deserve to call themselves Carlos' ex-best friends.

"So how about we set up that studio of yours upstairs, huh?" Bradley smiled as Carlos' face lit up at the mention of his own studio. He still couldn't believe that he would soon have his _own _photography studio.

"How am I supposed to get equipment, though?" Carlos asked, glancing at Bradley and Nate questioningly.

"Leave that ta' me." Nate winked, pointing his thumb at his chest as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a phone number.

"Come on, Carlos. Let's go clean up all that dust." Bradley motioned for Carlos to follow him and the two fell into step as they made their way down the hallway. Bradley slung his arm over Carlos' shoulders, reminding the Latino of that day back when he was nine-years-old and Kendall did the exact same.

Shaking his head, Carlos cleared his thoughts of Kendall. He didn't need to think about them anymore. Just like Bradley said, they would soon be just a distant memory.

* * *

><p><strong>I have seriously been working on this <em>all day<em>. I actually really, really, really like this chapter and I'm so happy to update with it! I'm sorry for not updating in such a long time, but I'm here again. I hope the amount of angst, cuteness, adorableness, and general bradlos fangirling will satisfy your hunger for updates.**

**I mean what.  
><strong>

**Anyway, I hope you guys are still reading this story! I don't want you guys to think that I'm going to abandon this one like I did to all my others. I started this and I'm going to finish it. The next chapter might be a little confusing but you'll understand soon enough. ;)  
><strong>

**- Peace out, lovelies! Carnie  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 12

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Twelve  
><strong>_

_**Three years later….**_

"What are we doing again?"

Kendall Knight turned around to frown at the red headed boy who had been walking behind him but had stopped as soon as Kendall turned around. The boy was several inches shorter than the blonde, but still managed to be taller than Logan, who stood beside him with an annoying look on his face. This was the third time the redhead had asked that question and it was starting to tick him off.

"We're going around town and acting like we want to be doing this and buying a lot of things from our sponsors and RCMCBT Globalnet Sanyoid products for good publicity." Kendall explained. He was slightly more tolerant to the boy's frequent questions but to be honest, it was starting to get on his nerves.

"And we need _more_ publicity because…?" The redhead pondered, trailing off and leaving room for one of the other boys to finish the sentence.

James, who stood on the boys other side ran a hand through his sandy brown locks and sighed. He was the most tolerant to the boy and it kind of reminded him of an old friend. "Because _Logan _had to make a huge scene with Miranda in public and give us some _bad_ publicity. Now we have to balance the bad with the good."

"Oh… But why do we have to do this on our day _off_? Isn't that what day off means? To _not_ have to worry about publicity?" The boy questioned, his curly red locks looking slightly more brunette than red.

"Because Gustavo said that Griffin said that Fujisaki said that we need to do this before the press finds more dirt on the band and everything goes downhill." Logan sighed as Kendall started walking again, the other three boys following him.

James turned to face the redheaded boy beside him, feeling a little nostalgic as he did so. The boys name was Andrew Milligan, better known as one fourth of Big Time Rush and the replacement for their original fourth member, Carlos Garcia.

You see, the public absolutely _loved_ Andrew. He was one of the hottest stars in Hollywood and as soon as he became an official member of Big Time Rush a little over three years ago, the band had sky rocketed it's popularity. He was younger than the rest of the boys, having joined when he was seventeen and turning twenty in a few months. Kendall and James had just recently turned twenty-three and Logan was going to catch up to them in just a few months time.

Andrew Milligan was known by a lot of things. His curly red locks that got him confused for a certain British musician by the name of Ed Sheeran more often then not. His voice that made girls swoon at every concert, acoustic performance, and basically any time he walked down the street. Also, there was no denying that he was good looking as well. He stood next to James on the attractive scale, but the older boy was still in the lead.

But the one thing that most people didn't know about Andrew, but everyone that _did_ know him knew, Andrew didn't know a lot.

He just wasn't exactly the type of person you could have an intelligent conversation with. He was school smart, yes, managing to keep his marks on B level, but he wasn't smart when it came to, well, anything else. Like the purpose of good and bad publicity, for example.

"Now come on, here's an electronics store that Fujisaki just opened. Let's buy a camera or something and get a move on. I have a date with Cynthia tonight and I want to be back in time." Kendall commanded rather than suggested as he lead his band mates into the store.

Logan didn't miss the gleam of excitement in Andrew's eyes as the boy practically sprinted into the store, the thought of buying cool electronics making him shake enthusiastically. He wouldn't admit it, especially not to Kendall or James, but the past three years had been hell without Carlos. The minute Andrew became an official member of Big Time Rush; Logan had realized just how wrong everything had been.

He realized that he had turned into a monster. He had screamed at Carlos, beaten him up, and abandoned him. Kendall, James, and Logan had practically turned on their best friend for no reason. They had hurt him, and not just a little. What they had done to him was _bad_ – and Logan didn't know if it would ever be fixable.

It would be an understatement to say that Logan felt guilty. He felt utterly and completely _awful _for what he had done to Carlos, his _best friend_. Ever since he realized what he had done, Logan would lay awake for hours at night, tears streaming down his face as he imagined the pain Carlos went through. The boy had done absolutely nothing and had almost gotten beat to death by the three people whom he trusted the most.

He remembered getting so _angry_ when Camille accidentally let it slip that Carlos was residing at her apartment. He couldn't even remember why he was so mad, but he remembered arriving outside the apartment and banging on the front door. There was no answer so he practically kicked the door down and stormed into the empty apartment. He had searched all over for the Latino but he was nowhere to be found. It was then that Camille arrived and screamed at Logan for what seemed like hours. She called him a monster and heartless and someone who deserved to die.

And Logan believed her.

He couldn't count how many times he had tried to kill himself in the first year after Carlos left. He had almost swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, but when he held the pills in his hand, his phone rang with Kendall telling him that they had rehearsal. He threw the pills away and claimed they had spilled down the drained whilst trying to take one the night before, and everyone believed him. He had climbed to the top of Roque Records and the Palm Woods several times but he could never bring himself to jump. He didn't want to land in front of someone and scar them for life. He didn't want to hurt anyone else.

His last attempt was slitting his wrists, but James had caught him in time. James and Kendall had staged an intervention with their younger friend, demanding an answer to their question – why was he trying to kill himself? Logan had debated telling them the truth, but deep down he knew he couldn't. There was a possibility that James would agree with him and share his pain, but Kendall wouldn't. Even if the blonde _did_ regret what they had done, he was too stubborn to admit it. Kendall had changed since Carlos left. He'd turned cold.

Not that Logan could blame him. He knew that Kendall must have noticed it as soon as he did. They had practically tucked their tails between their legs and obeyed Griffin. They all knew his demands were unreasonable and he would eventually back off, but they had given in this time.

Logan couldn't even think of a legitimate reason as to _why_ they went along with it so willingly. Sure, they had _thought_ they hated Carlos but it had been just something Griffin planted into their heads. Logan had realized a little over six months ago that their hatred towards Carlos was psychosomatic.

The thought of Carlos' pain and confusion made Logan's stomach flip. He knew what he had done was unforgivable, but there was hope in his heart that one day Carlos would forgive him.

Not that he would really be seeing his old friend anytime soon. Around the time when Andrew joined the band, James had asked about the whereabouts of the ex-band member and Griffin had explained that as soon as he was free of the band, Carlos had packed up and moved to New York.

"Logan, look at these!"

The raven-haired boy was jolted from his thoughts as Andrew grabbed a hold of his sleeve, dragging him across the slightly large store to look at some extremely overpriced cameras. Pushing his thoughts of Carlos to the back of his head, Logan raised an eyebrow at the young band member. "Don't you think these are a little… expensive?"

"Huh? Oh, I guess so." Andrew murmured absently as he fondled with a camera twice the size of his head. Logan watched as the redhead admired the high definition screen until a rather familiar voice caught his attention.

"Come _on_, Bradley. Alice is waiting for us at the shop and you know we can't leave her alone with Nate for too long. They'll kill each other!"

It was a soft voice with a slight Hispanic accent and Logan couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat from the possibility of the one person he longed for the most being just a few feet behind him in the next aisle.

"_Alicia_ will be fine until we get back. I know she's a bit short tempered but the shop will survive." Another voice responded, a rhythmic sound unfamiliar to Logan. He had never heard the voice before and he was starting to doubt that it was really his long lost friend. Carlos resided in New York now. Or that's what Griffin told them, anyway.

"Can you just pick out a cell phone case so we can go." The maybe-Carlos groaned impatiently, followed by a laugh from the other man.

"I just want to find one that isn't _black_." The unfamiliar voice responded and the sound of cardboard on metal could be heard as something was taken off the rack. Logan could hear the sound of packaging being tossed between hands as if the man was observing whatever he held in his hands.

He heard a dramatic sigh from one of them, Logan guessing and secretly hoping from the maybe-Carlos. "Will you look at that, a nice _red_ phone case. _Let's go._"

"Hold up, Carlos, I still have to pay for this thing _and_ my new phone."

Logan's heart stopped at the confirmation that it was in fact Carlos. His heart began beating faster than the raven haired boy could even think and he decided that there were seven thousand Carlos' in this country and that the one who stood in the aisle behind him arguing about _phone cases_ was not in fact the Carlos he grew up with.

But who am I kidding. You can't spend your entire life with someone and not know them just by the way they bicker about phone cases.

"I'll be right back." Logan whispered, heart still racing, as he left Andrew's side. The redhead nodded absently as he snapped a picture of himself, giggling like a child as he made a funny face and snapping another picture. He wasn't exactly the best photographer that fact made clear by the intense blurriness of the pictures he was taking.

Logan quietly made his way to the end of the aisle where he peered around the corner just in time to see the familiar form of Carlos and an unknown man walk to the round checkout desk that stood in the center of the store. He couldn't see the unknown man 's face, since both of their backs where facing him, but he knew that he was about James' high and had curly dirty blonde hair that swooped slightly to the side. It wasn't obnoxiously curly, but enough to rest comfortably. The only other thing Logan would make out about him was that he was pale but managed to look tan at the same time, which was sort of a big deal since he was standing next to Carlos, who was _very _tan.

"Logan!" The raven jumped and turned around as Andrew practically shouted his name. Heart racing again from being nearly startled out of his wits, Logan glared at the redhead who raised the camera lens up and snapped a picture of the older band member. "Say cheese!"

"Andrew, you're supposed to say that _before_you take the picture." Logan grumbled as he blinked away the spots in his eyes from that damn camera as he turned to look back at Carlos, but was practically knocked to the ground as someone plowed into his chest.

Stumbling backwards, Logan managed to catch his balance as he glanced down at whoever had ran into him. It wasn't until his eyes locked with a pair of large brown ones that he realized just who was standing inches from his face. Carlos.

"C… Carlos?" Logan gasped, eyes wide as Carlos' jaw fell open. The Latino's eyes flew wider than Logan could have ever imagined as he stumbled backwards, fumbling over his words like he always did when he was taken off guard.

"I-I… Lo…"

Carlos snapped his mouth shut and turned away quickly, practically sprinting out of the store as fast as he could, breathing hard and nearly knocking down several people as he left. The door chimed as he threw it open and scurried down the front steps, leaving a bewildered Logan staring after him. In moments, Kendall, James, and, of course, Andrew, were at his side.

"What was that?" Kendall asked, his voice cracking slightly. He had thought he imagined Carlos running past him in panic, but he knew better than to assume his old friend was here. He lived in New York now, nearly three thousand miles away.

"It was Carlos." Logan breathed, the shock only barely wearing off as he realized that he had just seen his childhood best friend and former band mate. He never thought that he would see Carlos again, let alone run into him in an electronics store.

Suddenly, Logan and James were thrown forward as someone roughly pushed through them, knocking them both off their feet. Stumbling to get his balance, Logan looked up to see that it was the man who accompanied Carlos in the store moments before the Latino ran out. He must have seen the interaction between Logan and the Latino, and judging by his actions, he didn't like it one bit.

"Who was that jerk?" Kendall spat, helping James up as they watched the dirt blonde man push through the front doors. Logan said nothing but swallowed thickly as he caught the door before it completely closed. Pushing himself out onto the front steps, which were really just three small steps that lead into the store that sat on top of a hill. The store was on the side of one of the busiest streets in Los Angeles. Kendall and himself had picked it out personally to make sure they were seen by the paparazzi but the press was the last thing on Logan's mind as he searched the celebrity, fan, and pedestrian crowded sidewalk.

He heard Kendall, James, and Andrew behind him, mumbling something about the possibility of seeing Carlos here being impossible. Ignoring Andrew's question about just who this Carlos person was, Logan's gaze locked on the dirty blonde hair he was looking for.

He didn't pursue the man, though. He knew better. Judging by the force the guy had used to knock him and James down, the guy was rather perturbed.

He watched as the blonde walked to the car that was parked on the side of the road and it was then that Logan saw a familiar Latino leaning on the passenger side door. Logan couldn't see much since Carlos' back was turned to him, but when the blonde man unlocked the doors and climbed into the drivers seat, he saw Carlos pull open the door and turn his head to gaze back at the very spot where Logan was standing.

Carlos' cheeks were tear streaked and his lip quivered, eyes glazed as if remembering everything that Logan had ever said and done to hurt him. Feeling his heart crack in half, Logan stepped forward and reached a hand towards the Latino but his breath caught in his throat when Carlos looked away and climbed into the car, slamming the door behind him.

The roar of an engine emitted from the car as they pulled away from where they were parked on the side of the road and Logan watched as the white car disappeared into the traffic.

"Logan!"

The raven-haired boy finally noticed that Kendall was yelling his name and he turned back to look at the blonde who stood with the other two band members at the top of the stairs. "What are you doing?" Kendall asked, holding his hands up in a what-the-fuck manner.

Logan bit his lip as he remembered the look Carlos had given him. By the conversation he had heard from Carlos and the mystery man, he knew that Carlos most certainly _didn't_ live three thousand miles away. He wouldn't talk about some shop like that without indicating that he had been there several times before. Logan had no idea if he worked at whatever shop he had been obsessing over or even owned it, but something deep inside him told him that he needed to find out. Even if he was almost certain that Carlos would never ever forgive him or any of the guys for his actions, he knew that the Latino at least deserved an apology and whatever Logan could give him.

"We need to fix this." Logan muttered, locking eyes with Kendall's green ones. The blonde exchanged a glance with James and they seemed to know exactly what he was talking about.

By the anger and disapproval in Kendall's eyes and the expression James was giving him – was it pity? Logan knew he had a lot of explaining and persuading to do.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys! I'm trying to make up for taking forever to update these past few weeks - months actually - with more frequent updates! School starts next week but that shouldn't really be a problem unless I get loads of homework which I shouldn't because I'm a dopey little sophomore. <strong>

**But anyway, I really hope you guys liked this chapter! I know it was kind of sudden to skip ahead three chapters but that's just how this story is gonna go and you're going to have to deal mmkay? Okay that made me feel kinda mean and rude and if you are sad or feel offended or are mad at me i'm soRRY PLEASE DON'T HaTE Me. I updated just for you guys!  
><strong>

**Well also because I wanted to write and I like this story and I'm not abandoning it like I have done with every other fic ever. I also want you guys to know that I'll be starting a Jarlos fic maybe near the end of SITD or after but saying this doesn't mean this story is coming to an end just yet! I just wanted to let you guys know so that you have something to look forward to if you feel like dieing while suffering through school this upcoming year.  
><strong>

**And If you're not in school... well aren't you something special.  
><strong>

**Anyway, toodles! I love you guys and all of your feedback, even if I don't respond to them personally!  
><strong>

**- Carnie  
><strong>


	14. Chapter 13

_**Standing in the Dark – Chapter Thirteen**_

_I need to fix this. I need to fix this. I need to fix this. I have to fix this._

Sitting on a fiery red couch in the apartment that they all knew too well, Logan sat on the middle cushion, hunched over, with his head in his hands. A headache had formed in his brain almost as soon as Carlos had pulled away from the store with the guy Logan had never seen before in his life. His head was pounding and the image of his old best friend crying was burned into his memory, and nothing he did could make it go away.

Over the sound of blood pulsing in his ears and the voice inside his head most call a conscience, Logan could just barely hear the words being shouted at him by someone he used to consider his brother.

"…and we all agreed that we would have nothing to do with him! Never! And you go and suggest…"

_God damnit, I need to fix this. We need to fix this._

Grinding his teeth together, Logan ran his hands through his hair and grabbed tight at the raven locks. His conscience was screaming at him and Kendall was screaming at him and it was just making his headache worse at it continued.

"…make you think he deserves our apology? He's a freak…"

Logan didn't bother questioning what Kendall was saying. Nothing made sense anymore. The Kendall he had known and grown up with, the one who never turned his back on his friends, did anything he could to help people, and who would never hurt anyone, was gone. Years ago he had been replaced with a Kendall that not even his own mother could recognize. Logan felt a pang in his heart as he longed for the old Kendall. The old Kendall would be able to help him figure out how to put together the puzzle that was his mind and find out how to fix the situation.

The raven felt the couch dip beside him, but Kendall continued to yell, so he knew it was James. The older boy hadn't spoken at all since they had seen Carlos – something very unusual for him. Even after they had dropped off Andrew at his large home just outside of Beverly Hills, something that James always had to make a snide remark about, he had remained silent.

Although the band had just gotten bigger and bigger over the years – topping the charts with almost every single they released and selling out hundreds of venues all over the country and internationally – they had always remained in their apartment at the Palm Woods. Maybe if Carlos was still around, and the old Kendall was still present, they would have all bought a large house together. Or moved into the same neighborhood.

But they hardly spent any time in the apartment, anyway. Always in the studio, at public events like parties and charity auctions, or on tour and they didn't see the point in moving.

Logan jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he lifted his head from his hands to look over at James. The chestnut haired man was giving him a sympathetic look, and Logan knew that James felt exactly the same. James regretted everything they had ever done to Carlos and regretted every moment they spent apart from their old friend, just as Logan did.

"…apologizing would be a waste of time anyway! Carlos is just some faggot who has his own life now. He doesn't concern us."

That was it. Logan couldn't take it anymore.

"What the hell is your problem, Kendall?" Logan shouted, springing up from the couch, standing only inches from Kendall's shocked face. To be honest, Logan was shocked too, but he wasn't about to back down. "Carlos was our _best friend_. And what did we do? We threw him away! We treated him like shit! We beat him up and drove him away because he was terrified of staying in the one place where he should have felt like he was at home!" The raven was shaking now, but he didn't stop.

"I can't even remember why we did it! I have no idea why I agreed to kick him out of the band! Carlos was always there for us, and we threw him away for _popularity._ We hurt our best friend so that our image would look better." Logan was sweating, face red and eyes wide with rage, "And Kendall, I don't even know you anymore."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Logan's face went from angry to scared. Not scared of Kendall, or what he would do in reaction to his words, but scared of the fact that it was true. "I don't even know myself anymore, Kendall. I don't know anything anymore."

The blonde stared at Logan with wide, green eyes. The anger he had possessed had vanished as Logan finished his rant. There was a pang in his chest – guilty, he figured – as Logan's voice faltered and he looked as if he was about to cry.

Kendall knew exactly what Logan meant, but his pride was suffocating him. "What the hell do you mean? I'm Kendall. You're Logan. We're Big Time Rush."

"Don't you get it, Kendall?" James stood up, his voice shattering the tension in the room. This was the first time he had spoken, and Logan couldn't help but feel relieved that he was finally speaking. "We stopped being Big Time Rush the moment we agreed to kick Carlos out of the band. We turned into monsters for a little bit of fame. We made a pact to never let Hollywood change us, but it still did."

Kendall was about to respond in attempt to contradict his friend, but Logan intervened before he had the chance.

"Kendall, you've changed. Well, we all have, but you've changed the most. Of all of us, I never thought you would be the one to turn cold." Logan swallowed thickly, his voice less shaky now as he struggled to put his words together, "I know the Kendall I grew up with is still in there somewhere. The Kendall who would know what he did wrong, and be strong enough to push past his pride and admit it."

Kendall stared at his two best friends. They were both looking at him with someone along the lines of pity and disgust, rolled in to one. He knew Logan was right, but anger boiled inside of him at the raven's words.

"Well that's too damn bad, Logan. Because I'm not ruining my career for the sake of that faggot." He snarled before pushing past his friends and leaving the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

The slam shook the entire apartment, causing James and Logan to wince. They exchanged a glance, sorrow resting deep in their eyes.

"We have to apologize, James. With or without Kendall." The raven whispered.

James looked at the floor and nodded. "I know."

The chestnut haired boy swallowed thickly and bit his lip before looking back up at Logan. His hazel eyes were watery and his eyelids were brimmed with tears, but Logan knew he wouldn't let them fall. Still, his expression showed just how he felt. "I feel like a monster, Logan."

"You don't have to explain, James. I know exactly how you feel. Trust me."

"But how are we supposed to fix this? We don't know where Carlos lives or what he does for a living. How are we supposed to find him?" James asked, his voice shaky as he tried to ignore the lump in his throat.

"I don't know." Logan confessed as he turned away from James and ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly, his eyes went wide and he turned to his older friend. "But I know someone who might know where he is."

* * *

><p>The two boys stood outside of apartment 4J, hearts beating rapidly. Neither had knocked yet, both afraid of what might happen when the resident inside answered. Exchanging a glance for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Logan bit his lip. He knew in the end, he would have to be the one to knock, and the person on the other side wouldn't be too happy to see him.<p>

Leaning forward, Logan rapped the wooden door with his knuckled before pulling back. He was breathing hard now, eyes wider than usual and heart racing. He fought every instinct telling him to run. He needed help finding Carlos. He couldn't run away now.

The door swung open not three seconds later and Logan flinched at the sudden movement. Just inside the apartment stood the one and only Camille Roberts.

She hadn't changed much over the years. Her hair was slightly longer but she got it trimmed regularly and she still had the same fashion sense as she had when Logan last spoke to her three years ago. Right after she called him a monster and told him he didn't deserve to live.

He could still hear her shouting at him. He could still see how her eyes were flashing with anger and she was screaming as loud as she could. She followed him around the apartment, shouting at him to get out and never come back.

_Logan tore through the apartment, blinded by rage in search of the one thing he was looking for. Carlos. Behind him, Camille was shouting, "Get out of my apartment, Logan! Get out!"_

"_I'm not leaving until I find him and kill him!" Logan yelled back, turning around and facing her. He regretted yelling at her the moment the words left his mouth, and all rage left his body as she stared at him in shock._

"_Just get out, Logan. You're a monster." Tears were streaming down her face, adrenaline from her anger fading as fear set in. Logan had never yelled her at and she had never seen him this angry. "You're a monster and I can't believe you would want to kill your best friend. You're the one who deserves to die Logan. You hurt him and you've chased him away. You're a monster."_

A monster. He winced as the word echoed in his mind and he felt her eyes burning into him. She had said nothing since she opened the door. She just stared at the two of them. Logan was silently begging her to speak. To scream. To hit him. To slam the door. Anything but stand there in silence.

The worst part was that she had no readable expression. The way James was tensed beside him told Logan that he was just as terrified as the raven. _Please, Camille, just say something._

"Logan?"

_Finally. _

"H-hey." The raven breathed, noticing that there was no hint of anger or anything in her voice. Just bewilderment.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking from James to Logan and back again.

"Well, we do kind of live here." Logan snapped, and his breath hitched. Why did he snap at her? _Stupid. Stupid._

_You're a monster._

"Oh, so you came here to be rude?" Camille asked, resting a hand on her hip as she looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Three years without even acknowledging each other and all you are is rude?"

James sighed and Logan knew he would have to fend for himself here. "No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just expected you to… I don't know…"

"Yell at you again?"

"Yeah."

Camille glared at him with unblinking brown eyes and Logan shifted on his feet. He almost forgot why the two of them were there, until James cleared his throat. Camille tore her gaze away from Logan and instead glared at the older man. She obviously didn't want to talk to him any more than Logan.

James briefly glanced at Logan without turning his head before looking back at Camille and speaking, "We want to know where Carlos is."

The brunette scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "And what makes you think I'm going to tell you that?"

Hope swelled in Logan's heart. The way she spoke made it seem as if she did, in fact, know where Carlos lived. It wouldn't surprise him. Carlos had gone to her, his last friend, in his last days at the Palm Woods. He trusted her. "So you do know where he is?"

Leaning against the door, Camille looked at him again, looking slightly agitated at his question. "Yes, I know exactly where he is."

"Then _please_ tell us where he is, Camille." James began, cutting her off before she could refuse, "We know what we did to him. We hurt him more than an apology can fix, but we have to apologize. Please give us a chance."

Camille stared at the two of them, looking at her with pleading eyes. Something told her not to tell them, but a stronger feeling told her it would be better if she did. She hadn't spoken to Carlos in over a year, but she regularly checked up on Bradley. She knew things that the boys didn't deserve to know about Carlos and what he had been doing for the past three years, but her instinct told her that they needed to find out for themselves.

Turning around she reached for a piece of paper off of the table beside the door and scribbled down an address. Turning back to the boys, she sighed and handed it to James. He took the paper carefully and glanced down at it, noticing something familiar about the address but not being able to remember where he knew it from.

"Thank you so much, Camille. We promise we won't do anything to hurt him ever again." James said as he took a step back into the middle of the hallway and waved goodbye.

She waved back as he left and Logan turned to follow him, but she quickly grabbed him by the arm. Surprised, he turned to her and she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips, eyes shut. Although he was shocked by the sudden gesture, Logan allowed his eyes to close as he kissed her back.

Almost as soon as she had done it, Camille pulled away. Logan opened his eyes to meet with her brown ones. She nodded and that was all Logan need to know what she meant. Maybe she hadn't forgiven him completely for what he and the others had done to Carlos, but she forgave him for yelling at her and she was happy that he was finally going to apologize.

"Bye, Camille."

"Bye."

He watched as her door slowly closed before he turned into the hallway. The raven almost ran straight in to the back of James' shirt, stumbling backwards. He still had that floaty feeling after kissing Camille, so instead of asking, Logan peered around his friend before gasping.

Standing at the end of the hall was Kendall. He was staring at the ground, wringing his hands together, and looking as if he had just walked through hell. Turning his gaze to James, Logan saw that the chestnut haired man was gritting his teeth, but didn't look angry. He looked more shocked than anything.

"Did you change your mind?" James asked, his tone harsh and sharp.

Kendall looked up at the two of them, nothing but sadness and regret in his green eyes. Logan almost took pity on him. But something kept him from walking up and hugging the man right then and there. This could just be an act. The new Kendall was unpredictable – this could just be a sympathy act.

"Actually… I did."

"Bullshit."

"No, really guys." Kendall stepped towards them, his hair frizzy and thin like a stressed and exhausted college student the day before finals. "Logan, I thought about what you said. And you're right. I've been a jerk. No, an asshole. A asshole and a monster. For the past three years, I've let Hollywood change me however it wanted to, just like I promised it wouldn't. I've lost Carlos and Jo and I think I've lost you guys too."

The blonde cleared his throat and continued, "You know, I don't have an excuse for acting the way I did. But when I left the apartment, after what Logan said, I realized how true it is. I realized that I became the man I promised I never would. I became my father."

Logan and James looked confused. Even though they had known Kendall since preschool, no one ever spoke about his father. They knew nothing about the man. Kendall and his family refused to talk about him, so he was nothing but a name to them.

"I hate talking about my father. I hate everything about him. I hate him because he acted exactly how I have since Carlos left. He treated me, my mother, and Katie like shit and it took us years to leave him. He would yell and he would be unreasonable and he was always angry." Kendall looked down at the ground again; looking so ashamed it broke Logan's heart, "And I promised myself that I would never be that man. But I became him."

James' expression softened, but his tone was still sharp as he replied, "I'm not going to say it was okay and forgive you, Kendall, because it wasn't okay. And I don't pity you for how your father acted."

Kendall looked at if he was about to cry, and he took a step back. The way James spoke, it was clear to him that they didn't want him near them or Carlos anymore. They weren't his friends anymore. He had ruined the last thing he held close to him and he turned away from the two men as he began to leave.

"You're heart is in the right place, though."

Kendall stopped short and looked over his shoulder, confused. "What?"

James gave him a friendly smile. A real smile. Probably the first real smile that any of them had worn since they agreed to get rid of Carlos.

"Although I don't forgive you for being a complete and utter asshole… everyone deserves a second chance, Kendall. Especially Carlos."

* * *

><p>"So Carlos works across the street from Hawk Records?" Logan had asked when they pulled up to the address of the coffee shop that Camille had given to them.<p>

James' eyes went wide with realization as he glanced down at the piece of paper, "_That's_ why the address is so familiar."

"But don't you think it's strange that he chose to work on this side of town?" Logan questioned.

The other two boys had merely shrugged and climbed out of the car. Although it would have been practical for Carlos to seek revenge on them by getting signed by their rival record producer – they knew he would never stoop that low. They might have ruined his life, but he was too kind hearted to ruin theirs.

Closing the driver's side door, Kendall turned his attention to the shop. It was definitely not a popular chain like Starbucks or Dunkin, so he didn't recognize the name.

"Bean & Gone Café…" He muttered aloud as he walked up to the door. The name was printed on the glass door in black letters with a silhouette of a steaming coffee cup underneath. "I never thought of Carlos as the coffee shop kind of guy."

James and Logan stood shoulder to shoulder with the blonde, feeling as closer as a group than they had in months. It was nice. Even though things were messier than they ever had been, this was slowly bringing them closer.

"Well… here goes nothing." Kendall said with a sigh as he pushed through the door and a loud chime echoed through the shop.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

* * *

><p><strong>Okay guys, just like Kendall, I have no excuse for not updating for what... seven months?<strong>

**Wow, it's been _seven_ months since I last updated this story. I can't tell you guys how awful I feel for not writing! I've been wanting to write and update, but I just haven't been able to get around to it. I love this story, and it's the best one I've ever written, and I promised myself I wouldn't abandon it like I have all the others. I've never been able to completely finish a story, ever, so I really want this to be the first.  
><strong>

**I can't say that updates will be very frequent, but this story WILL be finished one day! Hopefully sooner than later.  
><strong>

**Anyway, on a less guilty note, I really hope you guys liked this chapter! There may be a few mistakes in regards to the plot since I haven't updated in such a long time and I might have forgotten some things or added some things that don't make sense - so please let me know if I did! Also, so that you guys aren't _too_ mad at me for my long absence, I think you'll be happy to know that I've already written the next chapter!  
><strong>

**But - there's always a but isn't there? - I won't be posting it until tomorrow or the day after! I really want to know your feedback on the story as it is right now and I was to revise over chapter fourteen before posting it. So please leave a review, even if you don't usually review stories, all the feedback I can get would be great! I really do love this story, and I know you guys do too!  
><strong>

**I'll stop rambling now and let you guys go on with your life, but please don't forget to leave me feedback! Thank you so much for reading and I love you all!**

**Much love ~ Carnie**


	15. Chapter 14

_**Standing in the Dark – Chapter Fourteen**_

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

An eerie hush falls over the strangely crowded coffee shop. It's almost one o'clock and a lot of people are on their lunch break. The shop isn't exactly a celebrity hot spot, but almost every table was occupied by college students who were still exhausted from morning classes in desperate need of a latté and a few businessmen and women who all seemed to have the same navy, black, or khaki pantsuit attire.

The customers stared at the three men that had entered the shop, looking more curious than shocked by the outburst from one of the workers behind the counter. The man who stood in the center of the three, a tall blonde, nervously gazed at the customers before turning his eyes to the counter. His eyes were still adjusting to the dim light of the shop as the speaker made their way around the counter and finally came to a stop in front of the three.

"Well?"

Kendall could see him now. It was the man who had practically knocked James and Logan to the ground the day before. He felt anger rise inside of him but he pushed it back. He wasn't going to let his anger get the best of him anymore. He wasn't going to make things worse. He wasn't going to be his father.

Locking eyes with the brown-eyed man in front of him, Kendall was silent for a moment before gesturing towards himself and the other two as he introduced himself, "I'm Kendall. This is James and Logan." The introduction was brief, but the blonde's heart was racing so fast he could hear the blood pumping in his ears.

The man who stood in front of him narrows his eyes and crossed his tan arms in front of his chest. "I know damn well who you are." The comment stung, and Kendall winced, but he watched the man intently as he continued to speak. "I asked why the hell you're in my shop."

The customers had returned to their own conversations, the four men forgotten as they resumed their afternoon lunch break. Most of them only got thirty minutes after all.

Kendall, James, and Logan did not answer the man immediately. They knew by his harsh tone that he knew exactly who they were, what they had done, and obviously had a strong but low opinion of them. Logan exchanged a worried glance with James, as if afraid of saying the wrong thing. This might be their only chance to find Carlos – they didn't want to blow it by making this guy any angrier with them then he already was.

The man sighed and let his arms fall to his sides in defeat. He looked more exhausted and defeated then angry now, and the three men in front of him relaxed. He held an arm out in Kendall's direction, locking eyes, "Bradley Owens."

Kendall took Bradley's hand and shook it, giving him a weak smile as he did so. Before he could say anything, Bradley continued, "Carlos told me that if you three ever showed up, I should make you leave immediately."

Logan noticed the way the blonde's voice faltered as he spoke, sounding like his mother when she used to worry about him when he was a child.

"So you're friends with Carlos then?" James questioned, feeling relieved that Carlos hadn't been alone in the three years that they were apart. Bradley's eyes flickered from Kendall's face to James', a flash of anger burning in his brown orbs.

"Yes, I am." Bradley muttered through gritted teeth. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't want to push it, so he kept his mouth shut.

Kendall let his gaze fall to the tile floor beneath his feet as he shifted on his weight nervously. His heart was still racing and he wasn't sure if it was from suppressing his anger or the knowledge that this guy could kick them out at any moment. Why hadn't he anyway? He'd just told them that Carlos wanted them thrown out immediately. "We're here to apologize to him."

James and Logan nodded in agreement, watching as Bradley scanned over the three of them. His expression changed so quickly, it was hard to keep up. For a moment he looked angry, then sad, then… relieved? The relieved expression was gone so quickly; Logan almost missed it, and was replaced once again with anger.

"The three of you, listen to me." Bradley began, looking almost disgusted. "It's been three years since you guys dumped him on his ass for a god damn _popularity contest_. It's been three years since Carlos showed up right where you're standing, drenched in rainwater, and looking like hell on legs. I've been his best friend for the past three years and he's gotten back on his feet and he's finally getting better."

His words stung all three of them. Logan noticed how James and Kendall tensed as Bradley practically spat the words 'popularity contest', and Logan cringed when the man referred to Carlos as 'hell on legs'. It was their fault that he had been that. They had thrown him in to hell for a popularity contest – and they hadn't thought twice about it. But this is what they were here for. To apologize.

But what did Bradley mean by he was finally getting better? Logan wanted to ask, but he kept his mouth shut in fear of making things worse. It was like walking on eggshells, and they hadn't even spoken to Carlos yet.

Bradley narrowed his eyes and glanced at the customers. Even though none of them were paying the four men any mind, he didn't want anyone to overhear this conversation. He took a step back and motioned for the boys to follow him with a nod of his head.

Leading them past the counter where a newbie was trying to work the whipped cream machine, Bradley walked into the hallway that lead to the staircase that lead to the studio upstairs. The hallway was empty and the walls were covered in dark mahogany wood, the only light coming from a small dome-like light fixture attached to the ceiling. The hallway was quieter than the shop, which made having the conversation much easier.

Leaning against the dark wall and staring at the boys across from him, Bradley bit his lip and averted his gaze to the end of the hallway where there was a dip in the wall that lead to the staircase. He knew Carlos wouldn't come down, but he was nervous all the same. Looking back at the boys, he spoke, "Why did you pick now to ruin everything?"

Kendall cleared his throat before speaking, a bit offended by Bradley's words, "We're not here to ruin anything, Bradley. We're here to apologize, like I said."

"Don't you get it?" Bradley snapped, causing the three boys to jump, "Apologizing will just make things worse." His voice was shaking, and he bit his lip again, but he refused to continue.

James exchanged a glance with Logan and Kendall before speaking up, heart pounding in his chest, "What do you mean, make things worse?"

Tears brimmed Bradley's eyelids, but none fell as he almost broke the skin on his lip with his teeth. He closed his eyes briefly before opening them and letting out a drawn out sigh. Looking back up at the boys, he shook his head and spoke quietly, "It just will. I think you should leave."

"But we need to apologize. He was our best fr-" Kendall was cut off as a shout came from the end of the hall, towards the front of the shop. A tall man with long dreadlocks and a uniform similar to Bradley's was eyeing the four of them with a cross between a frown and an amused smile. It was a strange look that seemed to confuse even Bradley, who eyed the man.

" 'Ay, Brad, the newbie's gone n' made 'nother mess. We be needin' some help cleanin' it up." The guy spoke; jumping over his words with so much energy it was tiring just listening to him. Bradley shook his head pulled away from the wall, making his way towards the man.

"Nate, you were supposed to be supervising him." Bradley growled as he pushed past the man and eyed the splattered whipped cream that covered half of the small kitchen. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Bradley didn't even look back as Kendall, James, and Logan walked into the kitchen.

Logan placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder, "We _need_ to talk to Carlos, man."

Bradley turned around and glared at Logan, inches away from his face. He locked eyes with Logan for a moment, anger flashing in his brown eyes again before he broke away from Logan's gaze and glared at all three of them. "Get out. All of you."

"But-"

"Ya' heard him. Get out!" Nate was frowning now, all hints of amusement gone from his expression now as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Bradley, obviously recognizing the boys now. It was obvious that Nate was friends with Carlos as well. And he shared a very similar opinion with Bradley about the three of them.

James and Kendall backed up, but Logan locked eyes with Bradley again. He was desperate. He couldn't leave without contacting Carlos. He couldn't live another day without apologizing for what he had done to one of his best friends. "Could we at least leave him a note? A message? Something?" He begged.

The angry look on Bradley's face softened and pity overtook him. "No. But I'll give me your phone number. I'll talk to Carlos and if he wants to talk to you, I'll give you a call. But if he doesn't, then you'll have to live with it."

Logan nodded quickly and watched as Bradley pulled an old sticky note off of the bulletin board that hung on the wall and flipped it over, offering the paper to the raven-haired man along with a pen. Scribbling down his phone number, Logan shoved the paper into the blonde's hand before turning away.

"That's it? What if he never calls, Logan?" Kendall protested as the raven grabbed him and James by their sleeves and pulled them out of the shop, the door chiming as it swung shut behind them,

Nate and Bradley stood in silent for a moment, staring at the door. The blonde let his gaze fall to the yellow paper in his palm with the number written in black ink. He closed his fingers over the slip and tucked it into his pocket.

"You're not gon' call him, are ya? After what they done to Carlos." Nate asked, watching as his friend tucked the paper away.

Ignoring Nate's question, Bradley turned around and observed the mess. The newbie, a seventeen-year-old junior at a private high school just outside of town, was scrubbing at the messy counter with a wet dishrag. Feeling sympathetic, he turned to Nate and whispered into the man's ear, "Help the kid clean up. Don't give him a hard time about it. I'm going to go see what Carlos is doing."

Nate nodded; looking slightly upset that Bradley had completely ignored his question, before walking over to the newbie and beginning to help him.

* * *

><p>"Carlos?"<p>

The sound of his name was followed by a knock at the wooden door that separated his studio from the rest of the shop. Looking up from his tan palms, Carlos gazed at the door for a moment. He recognized Bradley's voice and took a deep breath. "You don't have to knock, Brad."

The door opened with a creak and the tall, dirty-blonde man stepped into the studio. A white backdrop hung against the far wall and light stands surrounded a black camera that was perched on top of a tripod. Framed photographs, all taken by Carlos, of course, lined the opposite wall and the windows beside them looked out unto the city. Carlos was sitting on the floor beside the windows, watching the town with sad eyes.

Bradley sighed. Seeing the boys yesterday, even briefly, had taken a toll on Carlos. The past three years had been rough. His friend refused to be official diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but Bradley knew he had fallen into depression. He was slowly getting better, though, but seeing Kendall, James, and Logan yesterday had triggered something in Carlos' mind, and it drove Bradley crazy to see his best friend in so much pain.

He was a lot better than the first year, though. The latino used to go days without sleep, stare at nothing for hours, and barely ate at all. The pain from losing his best friends, being shamed by the town that put him down constantly for 'leaving' the band, and the trauma from being nearly beaten to death had dragged Carlos into a deep depression. It had taken a lot of work, coaxing, and motivation, but Bradley had finally gotten Carlos to function again. He helped his friend enroll into the photography school a few blocks down from the shop, and Carlos nearing the end of his second year there, and Carlos had begun to get better.

He still had about two years left at the school before he would be able to actually begin his career as a photographer, but in the meantime, he took photos for a few magazine advertisements, wedding photos for a few lucky couples, and basically took any job he could find to get himself some experience. Slowly but surely, he was getting better – at photography, at overcoming his illness, everything.

But seeing his older friends hadn't helped much at all. In fact, it had thrown him at least a mile back on the road to getting better.

"I know, but I wasn't sure if you were working on something." Bradley said as he crossed the room, careful not to step on any of the paper and film that littered the floor. He reached Carlos' spot by the windows and knelt down beside him, gazing out the window as well. "What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know."

Crossing his legs, Bradley rested a hand on Carlos' shoulder, rubbing circles into the tense muscles with his thumb. "I know seeing them was hard but-"

Carlos pulled away from Bradley and quickly stood up, staggering across the studio and ignoring his friend's words. "I got a job today. A lady who came to the shop a few weeks ago and saw my photography advertisement on the bulletin board. She said she wants me to take pictures at her son's birthday party. Apparently it's supposed to be a huge party. The kid has a role on some hit tv-show and the entire cast is going to be there."

Bradley sighed but remained where he sat. Flashing a smile at Carlos, who turned to see what Bradley though of the job, he responded, "That's great! The cast and crew might see your pictures and see how amazing you are and get your name out there."

Carlos smiled and looked at the ground, all bad thoughts gone as Bradley's compliment rang in his ears.

It was no secret that the there was something between the two of them. From Nate, who had been one of Bradley's best friends since grade school, to one of the most rare of customers, who barely came to the shop once a month, knew there was something there. They knew it too, but for some strange reason, they never acted on it.

Hell, they hardly even thought about it. The fear that there might be something more than friendship between them scared them both – and they had no idea why.

"But, Carlos, we need to talk about what happened yesterday."

The latino frowned at his friend and Bradley gave him a pleading look. The way the boys had practically begged him to let them apologize was tearing at his nerves and he knew he had to do something. Maybe their apology would help, rather than hurt.

"I don't want to." Carlos turned away and walked a few more steps, the two of them on opposite sides of the studio now. There was a small, dark cabinet that sat against the wall, and as Carlos pulled open the door, Bradley watched with sad eyes as he pulled out a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey.

Watching as Carlos took a swig from the bottle, Bradley turned away from him and looked back out the window. He closed his eyes as he heard Carlos take a few more drinks from the bottle before he looked back and saw his friend swaying on his feet. He was smiling with eyes closed, bottle hanging loosely from his hand. His mouth opened slightly and words spilled from his mouth like syrup.

"You know, the more you drink this stuff, you really don't mind the taste."

And he took another sip.

* * *

><p><strong>As promised, here is the newest chapter!<strong>

**I know it's shorter than my most recent chapters, but I wrote this on Sunday and I was going to revise it before posting today but I had to write three essays for the state exam this morning in four hours so... yeah I'm not going to do that.**

**Anyway, I really hope that you guys like it! I hope that I haven't lost too many story followers since I abandoned this story for so long, but I'm happy for all of those who stayed! I have another exam tomorrow so I probably won't post anything for a few days but hopefully I'll get something in this weekend or sometime next week?  
><strong>

**And thank you for all of the reviews that you guys have been leaving for me! I read them all and appreciate all of the feedback! Keep them coming!**

**That's all for now ~ Carnie**

**PS: I BOUGHT PRESALE TICKETS FOR THE CONCERT IN DALLAS ON JUNE 29TH AND I'M REALLY EXCITED! I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M TELLING YOU GUYS THIS BUT IT'S REALLY AMAZING OK THIS WILL BE MY SECOND TIME SEEING THEM IN CONCERT AND THIRD TIME I'VE MET THEM OR SEEN THEM IN REAL LIFE OK I JUST SLKFNLSDKNGLKASNGLKDSNALGK**


	16. Chapter 15

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Fifteen**_

"_Alex Milligan – star of the new hit CW show "Chasing Angels" – is throwing the biggest party of the year in downtown Los Angeles tonight to celebrate his sixteenth birthday! I've seen the guest list and it seems like everyone is going to be there tonight!"_

Carlos bit his lip as he listened to the radio announcer drone on and on about the kid's birthday party, his hands resting on the steering wheel as he sat in the infamous Los Angeles traffic. The announcer hadn't been exaggerating. He had seen the guest list a few days prior and literally _everyone _was going to be there. He had only skimmed over the multi-page list but some names had caught his eye. Jaden and Willow Smith. The _entire_ cast of Glee – new and old. Fall Out Boy was supposed to be performing.

Alex Milligan's mother, Denise, who was the poor kid's overzealous manager, had hired him as the photographer for the party. Paparazzi were strictly forbidden because of the resent fallouts with some of the celebrities invited and Denise didn't want any chance of bad publicity for her son. It was Carlos sick how much people cared about publicity. It reminded him of his old friends.

The kid was a great actor and _Chasing Angels_ had brought a lot of traffic to the CW, which had almost gone off the air due to such low ratings after _Supernatural_ and _The Vampire Diaries _wrapped up their last seasons. Alex Milligan was only sixteen and yet he was one of the hottest stars in Hollywood.

Carlos remembered what it felt like to be like that. Famous. Throwing parties and inviting the whole town. Hearing thousands of fans scream his name.

But that was years ago. It wouldn't seem like that – but the Hollywood spotlight fades quickly. It had taken the town nearly six months to forget about him – which was a record since most stars were forgotten about only weeks after they went under. Paparazzi had spotted him a few times around town but not once had anyone found out about his studio above the coffee shop.

It was as if time had gone on and he wasn't special anymore. He had become so anonymous that nobody cared anymore. Even the fans that had claimed they "loved" him had either lost interest or forgotten. Sure, there were still a few who roamed the dead forums online, waiting for him to make a comeback – but Carlos knew that would never happen.

"_Although it has been rumoured that Fall Out Boy will be the performing act at Alex's party, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that his brother gave his own performance as well. His nineteen year old brother – Andrew Milligan – is attending the party as well along with the rest of his – "_

Carlos groaned and turned off the radio. He had an awful headache that felt as if his brain was throbbing and pounding against his skull. It was probably a hangover from getting drunk, _again_, last night. As the traffic began to move, he glanced down at the empty bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey on the floor of the passenger side of his car. He hadn't been drinking and driving – Bradley made sure of that – but he could still taste the drink in the back of his throat.

He would never admit to himself that he had succumbed to drinking after his friends dumped him. Carlos Garcia had too much pride for that. He drank simply because he had acquired the taste. It wasn't so bad after all. The burn of the first few sips would always fade as he drank more.

Bradley had tried time and time again to make Carlos stop drinking – but he had never been successful. He had finally given up and could only watch as his best friend went in a downward spiral as he downed a whole bottle practically every other night.

Carlos finally turned off of the road, the constant honking of the cars around him making the headache even worse, and pulled into a large parking lot. Gazing at the large, cream-colored building, his heart skipped a beat.

This would be his first real job. He had been given permission to send in whatever pictures he had taken to the publishers of _Us Weekly, Hollywood Nation, J-14 Magazine, Pop Tiger, _and _Entertainment Tonight_. Alex's publicist would make sure that none of the tabloids would give Alex or any of the attendee's bad publicity. Carlos couldn't help but smile at the thought of his first job. He just hoped that none of the attendees would pull anything stupid.

He knew from experience that some celebrities would rather have bad publicity than no publicity at all.

* * *

><p>After setting up his equipment and chatting briefly with Alex's publicist and personal team of assistants, Carlos sat down at one of the tables at the back of the large ballroom.<p>

There were at least fifty of these round tables covering the floor, leaving a wide space in the middle for the stage and dance floor. Each table had a dark, maroon colored tablecloth and streamers littered the walls and high ceiling. The ballroom was huge and was certainly big enough to fit the entire guest list and everyone's plus ones. If not more.

Carlos watched as the crew set up the stage, hanging a large banner across that said "Fall Out Boy" in large black letters. It was only 4:30 and guests weren't supposed to be arriving until at least 5:00, so Carlos sat back and resisted the urge to pull the silver flask out of his pocket and take a swig.

"Are you Carlos Garcia?"

Turning around quickly, Carlos found himself face to face with Alex Milligan himself. Standing up, Carlos flashed the boy a toothy grin and shook his hand. "Yeah, that's me."

"I'm Alex."

"I figured."

Alex Milligan was about Carlos' height and had a curly mane of red hair that almost covered his eyes but looked as if it had been cut recently. His freckles and green eyes were the most evident features on his face and when he smiled, Carlos noticed that one of his front teeth were slightly crooked but the white and barely noticeable braces he had were working on fixing that.

Something about this kid looked vaguely familiar. Carlos had never watched his show – he wasn't much of a fantasy or supernatural type of guy. Then, it hit him.

_Fuck._

Milligan. Why hadn't he realized it before? Here he was, standing in front of the brother of the guy who took his place in Big Time Rush. Carlos' grin faltered slightly and Alex gave him a confused look before someone called his name from the other end of the ballroom.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, Carlos. Thanks for agreeing to photograph the party for us. I'd much rather have you here than a swarm of paparazzi." Alex said, but before he left he leaned closer to the Latino and said in an almost whisper, "But I wouldn't have minded having a smaller party, you know? Maybe a little laser tag with my best friend and some pizza. I've never been much a big event kind of guy."

Carlos couldn't help but laugh as Alex walked away to greet his first few guests. Even though he didn't have a very high opinion of Andrew, Carlos liked his brother. He was glad that the fame hadn't gotten to his head. At least not yet.

Actually, when he though about it, Carlos had never even met Andrew. He'd had the misfortune of turning on the television and coming across an interview of the guys, but Carlos had never really paid attention to anything that he had to say. Although, just because his brother was cool, didn't mean Andrew was.

* * *

><p>At 7:30, Carlos slid down into his chair, holding a hand to his forehead as he used his other hand to place his camera down on the table. Since he wasn't a "celebrity", he sat at the back of the ballroom with other crewmembers. It had only been two and a half hours into the party and Carlos was already exhausted. The guests were still piling in, some held back because they were held up on set or because they couldn't find their lucky earrings or some other lame excuse.<p>

The only reason why Carlos had a chance to sit down was because Denise had decided to hire another photographer at the last minute and she hadn't arrived until 7:25. Carlos could see the girl photographing the attendees who seemed to be constantly walking through the doors and he closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his wrists to ease the ache from holding the camera.

"It's so typical of Denise to only hire two photographers for such a huge party. She's new to the management job, but she thinks she knows everything." said one of the crewmembers at Carlos' table.

Without opening his eyes, he nodded in agreement and sighed. The party was supposed to last until at least midnight and he didn't think he could make it without at least a sip from his flask. Sitting up straight, he pulled the flask out of his jacket pocket and uncapped it. Taking a swig, he listened as the crewmembers complained about a diva on set today who held them up because she had a cowlick.

"We were at least an hour late getting to lunch." whined a lady who still had a headset attached to her ear. Obviously she had rushed off of set quickly to attend the party. Every once in a while she would put her finger to the black plastic and mumble something incoherent.

"Tell me about it."

"Did you hear about what happened at the Vogue photo shoot today?"

Carlos didn't care to listen anymore as he took another sips, their voices fading rather quickly. Somehow, the alcohol made his headache fade away and he picked up the camera. As he examined the pictures he had taken of Ashley Tisdale and Sandra Bullock when they arrived, he made a mental note of the weak lightening in the ballroom. He would need to send the tabloids a tip to touch up the pictures before printing. He didn't want any hell from upset publicists about the damn lighting.

Standing up, Carlos slipped the camera strap over his neck and let it rest against his chest. As he walked towards the center of the room, he gave a quick scan of the guests. He couldn't see the guys anywhere and he couldn't help but feel relieved as he made his way towards the stage and got ready to snap a few pictures of the band.

He got a good side shot of Patrick with the "Fall Out Boy" banner in the background before he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around quickly, he met a pair of emerald green eyes that were all too familiar.

Suddenly, the headache was back and as Patrick moved away from the banner, Carlos' mood plummeted. It wasn't as if he was angry – just kind of annoyed that this asshole had just stolen what could have been the cover of Us Weekly with his name copyrighted at the bottom.

"Go away, Kendall." Carlos grumbled, turning back to the stage and taking a quick shot of Andy on the drums, he felt the hand on his shoulder again and the familiar voice in his ear.

"Carlos we need to talk to you."

Without turning around, Carlos replied through gritted teeth, "I don't have time to talk to you. Can't you see that I'm busy?"

"Please."

Carlos groaned but let his camera fall to his chest once more. He turned to face Kendall and gave him an annoyed look. "Fine."

As the blonde led him away from the stage, Carlos realized something. He wasn't necessarily angry at them anymore. He didn't feel that gut wrenching rage he used to. He simply didn't care. Hell, they could all die and he still wouldn't care. It kind of scared him, the way that he felt. But maybe it was just the booze.

It was probably just the booze. Thank God for ol' Jack Dan.

Kendal led him to one of the round tables a little ways away from the center of the stage. The music wasn't so loud because the acoustics in the ballroom kind of totally sucked, so they didn't have to yell over the sound.

Even though each table sat four, there were a few extra chairs at the table where James, Logan, and Andrew were sitting. Kendall sat down in an empty chair and patted the one next to him; inviting Carlos to sit who reluctantly slid down into the chair and felt suddenly self conscious under the stare of his old best friends.

It was the strangest feeling – sitting there with them. The people he had grown up with, shared so many memories with, and loved like brothers were only a few feet from where he sat. Although they were the same people who dumped him for almost no reason at all and treated him like shit – he couldn't help but remember all the happy times they shared.

There was one memory that kept flashing through his mind as he looked at them. He remembered their first concert. When they sold fliers all over the city and sold out their first arena. He remembered performing with them and how happy and proud they all were. It almost made him sick to his stomach knowing that they would never share a moment like that ever again.

Or maybe that was the booze too.

"We missed you, Carlos." James murmured, not breaking eye contact with the Latino. He looked almost exactly the same, except that his skin looked slightly loser from age and he obviously hadn't taken the time to shave before the party. Logan and Kendall both had new hairstyles that stood up with the use of way too much gel on Logan's part.

He had to look away eventually, the sight of them making him feel sicker. He knew it wasn't the booze that was making him feel this way. He hadn't drunken enough to make him sick. His body was so used to the alcohol by now that he had to have at least half of the bottle before he even began to slur.

"I wish I could say the same, but then we both would be lying." Carlos snarled, looking away at the stage, where the music had stopped and Pete had asked for Alex to come up on stage.

"Carlos, I wasn't-"

Carlos cut him off as he stood up and flicked on his camera. He could get a good shot of the stage from where he stood, courtesy of the $2000 camera lens, and snapped a few pictures of Alex on stage with the band.

"So is that what you do now? You're a photographer?" Logan asked, his voice a little too loud. It was obvious that they were just as uneasy as Carlos was, but he sighed as he felt the anger begin to bubble up inside of him again. He hadn't felt that anger in a very long time.

"Yeah, I am." He spat, sitting back down in his chair. "Remember when you said that it was just a _hobby_ for gay people, Kendall? Well, will you look at that - I turned my hobby into a career. Not that any of you care about what I do."

"Carlos, we're trying-" Kendal began but was cut off as Carlos spoke again.

"Why the hell are you trying to be my friend again? Why did you come by the shop and bother my friends and try to make things worse? You shouldn't even be trying to be my friend. We shouldn't be in this position. If you ever cared about me as much as you led me on to believe, I would be were Andrew is sitting and we would still be best friends." Carlos growled, not breaking eye contact with Kendall. He felt the sick feeling in his stomach worsen, but he ignored it.

"But…" Kendall seemed at a loss for words.

"We know we were jerks, but we want to make things better." James exclaimed, a pleading tone in his voice.

"Jerks? You think you were just _jerks_?" Carlos stood up, his eyes black with rage, "You were more than that. You were my best friends – my brothers – and you turned on me. You turned into monsters that suddenly flicked a switch and stopped caring about me. You hit me and screamed at me. You broke me inside and out and you didn't even _care_.

You made me _terrified_ to live in my own home. I had nightmares every night that the three of you would beat me over and over again. All of the things that you said to me were like bullets that finally broke me. You fucking ruined your best friend and you're acting as if you can fix it.

Well, here is some news for the three of you. You were deaf to my cries, blind to my scars, and left me alone without a friend in the world. You promised we would always be together but you lied. And you can't fix it."

Backing away from the table, his old friends giving him shocked stares, Carlos turned away from them. He felt nauseous and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold it in. He had wanted to scream and yell so much more than what he had said, but the lump in his throat had made it almost impossible to say more.

He made his way across the room, finding it hard to breath, and mumbled a quick excuse about feeling ill to Denise. He must have looked sick because she nodded sympathetically and thanked him for coming. He pushed his way through the doors and stumbled out into the night air.

_Fuck. _

Carlos felt his stomach lurch and he finally vomited in the parking lot outside of the building. Nobody was outside and the music rang in his ears. He finally made it to his car and he didn't bother unlocking it before leaning against the door with his back and sliding down to sit on the pavement.

As much as he tried to hold it in, he felt a few stray tears trail down his cheeks and he covered his face with his hands. The flask fell out of his pocket and he grabbed it and took a swig without even thinking.

He didn't stop swallowing the drink until the flask was empty and he dropped it on the pavement beside him. The edges of the world began to blur and Carlos felt as if he could breathe again.

_Fuck._

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah I don't have an excuse for being away so long. <strong>

**But I hope that you guys liked the chapter! I'm getting close to wrapping up the story and I hope you guys like angst because a _lot_ of it is coming! I'm not going to make any promises to update soon because we all know that I suck at keeping those promises - but I really hope that you guys liked it! I really appreciate everyone who has been here throughout the entirety of the story and those of you who have left feedback that always inspires me to keep writing! **

**I don't have much to say except that I hope you guys are having a good summer so far, for those of you who are out of school, and if you're still in school then I hope that you're doing good as well. **

**Ahhh I feel bad for not updating but, what can I do? Writing is hard man.  
><strong>

**~ Carnie  
><strong>


	17. Chapter 16

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Sixteen**_

The apartment was quiet, not necessarily silent as most apartments are described at such a late hour, but quiet all the same. The only noises were the constant creak of the living room ceiling fan as it circulated the cold air and the water heater shutting off as someone in the bathroom turned off the water in the shower.

Bradley stood in the center of the small bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist as he stared at himself in the foggy mirror. His hair, normally a dirty blonde color, was turned a dark brown from the water. His warm brown eyes looked tired as he continued to look at his reflection.

As the fog clouding the glass began to fade, a clearer version of himself appeared in the mirror. His eyes draped over his body and he let out a barely audible sigh. Fading bruises littered his torso, accompanied by a few fresh ones that took up mostly his arms and neck area. He felt a lump in his throat begin to form as he saw the bruises that were shaped exactly like hands around his throat and arms. They didn't hurt much – not as much as the memories that plagued his mind every time he looked in the mirror like this.

Bringing a hand to the bruised skin above his shoulder, he winced when the pads of his fingers brushed a rather nasty looking bruise. The memory of how he got the bruise was still fresh in his mind, and he closed his eyes and welcomed the memory.

He was standing in the kitchen of the small apartment, humming to himself in tune with the song playing on the radio on the counter. At that moment, Bradley couldn't remember which song was playing, but he wished he could. Maybe a happy memory before such a horrible one would make this easier. But he didn't have much luck as the memory continued.

There he was, heating up a pan full of chopped tomatoes and sprinkles of herbs that he had found in the cabinet – preparing dinner for himself and his best friend Carlos – when the Latino walked into the apartment.

Bradley knew something was wrong as the door slammed and Carlos staggered into the kitchen, looking as though he had way too much to drink. He looked this way every other night it seemed. Drunk and staggering and about to pass out.

"Hey Carlitos." Bradley murmured, turning the radio down so the noise wouldn't induce a headache for his drunken friend. He knew from experience how Carlos acted when he was drunk with a headache. It wasn't exactly pretty.

"Hola, Brad." Carlos said slowly, padding towards the blonde and wrapping his arms around him.

Bradley smiled, hoping that this was one of Carlos' happy drunk days, and allowed the man to hang on him. "Careful, man, I don't want to burn you."

Carlos chuckled and stepped back, reaching at the half empty bottle of Jack on the counter. Bradley glanced at the bottle and cursed himself for not hiding it before Carlos got home. The Latino seemed to notice the disapproving look on Bradley's face, and frowned as he took a swig.

"What, you wanted some for yourself?"

"No thanks, Carlos. You know I don't drink."

Bradley immediately regretted his words when Carlos obtained a furious look. "Oh so you think you're better than me because you don't drink?"

"Oh, look at me, I'm Bradley. I'm perfect because I don't drink and I'm not a fuck-up like his best friend Carlos." The shorter man mocked, glaring at Bradley as he spoke.

"Carlos, you know that's not true. You're not a fuck-up and I don't think that I'm better than you because I don't drink."

"But you don't deny that you think you're better than me."

"Car-"

Bradley was cut off as Carlos grabbed him roughly by the arm and yanked him away from the pan on the stove. The blonde hissed in pain as Carlos' grip tightened, but the Latino didn't seem to care. "You think you're _so_ cute, don't you Brad? You're just a worthless piece of shit."

Taken back by his friend's words, Bradley gave him a shocked look. He hadn't done anything to provoke Carlos - at least not enough for him to call him names and physically hurt him. It shouldn't have surprised him though; Carlos didn't need much provoking nowadays to hurt someone. And that someone was always Bradley.

"Answer me!" Carlos bellowed, shaving Bradley's arm and releasing the taller man's wrist. Before Bradley had a chance to move away from the enraged man, Carlos grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him up against the wall. The impact caused Bradley to yelp as his head whipped back and collided with the plaster. Carlos bared his teeth and spoke again, his voice dripping with spite and fury, "I said answer me, asshole."

"I d-don't, Carlos. You're my best friend." Bradley stuttered, afraid if he said the wrong thing that Carlos would hurt him more. Carlos didn't usually stay this mad long, and if he could hold him off long enough, he could escape without more than a few bruises on his arms.

"Oh, really? The last time someone called me their best friend, they beat the shit out of me. Are you going to beat the shit out of me, Bradley?" It was more of an accusation than a question.

"N-No, I would nev-"

Suddenly, Bradley felt a pair of strong hands wrap around his neck. The grip was enough to hurt him and leave marks, but not enough to completely cut off his air supply.

"How can I trust you? I can I trust that you won't hurt me?" Even though Carlos' words were slurred and full of rage, Bradley could hear the plea from the boy he found three years ago, beaten and broken.

"Car-Carlos, you can… trust me. I-I pro…promise." The words were hard to say, given that Carlos had his thumb digging into the man's throat.

They locked eyes for a moment, the two of them staring, unblinking at each other. Bradley's eyes were begging for Carlos to let go, to trust him and not hurt him any more. The fury melted from Carlos' expression and was replaced with regret and fear. He immediately let go of the blonde and stared at his hands in shock.

"Brad… wha-what… oh god."

"Carlos, it's fi-"

"No it's not! Oh my god, I hurt you." Carlos' voice cracked as he looked back up at his best friend. He could see the bruises beginning to form on his neck and arms and tears brimmed his eyes. "I'm so sorry… I-I didn't mean to. Oh god."

Bradley suddenly wrapped his arms around the Latino and hugged him tightly. He knew he shouldn't be allowing Carlos to get away with hurting him – especially when this wasn't the first time he had hurt Bradley – but his heart shattered when he heard the pain in his friend's voice. He knew Carlos didn't mean it when he hurt him. Carlos was just afraid. Afraid that Bradley would hurt him just as much as Kendall, James, and Logan had.

_Afraid. He's just afraid. I don't blame him for hurting me._

Bradley tried to convince himself that Carlos wasn't in the wrong. He was just trying to protect himself. Drinking made Carlos happier inside, even if he turned into a monster on the outside. All the blonde wanted was for Carlos to be happy.

Brushing his teeth and changing into an old gray t-shirt and a pair of black underwear, Brad left the bathroom and walked into the small bedroom. The bed he shared with Carlos was unmade – neither of the boys cared enough to ever straighten it out – and he crawled under the covers and rested his head on the pillow.

It was strange, sharing a bed with Carlos even though they weren't a couple. They lived together and acted like a couple – well, when Carlos wasn't drunk or out partying and sleeping around – and slept in the same bed. It was mainly because it was just a one bedroom apartment and Bradley wouldn't allow Carlos to live on his own, even after the panic attacks had stopped and Carlos no longer needed someone to comfort him after having nightmares ever night.

Bradley sighed and closed his eyes, hoping to find sleep quickly so he wouldn't have to deal with Carlos when he got home.

The hopes were short lived as the blonde heard the front door open and close with a slam similar to the one on the night that Carlos had choked him. Bradley's entire body tensed up as he heard footsteps approaching the bedroom and the door opening slowly.

"Brad?"

The blonde didn't respond and pretended to be asleep, hoping Carlos would leave him alone.

It seemed like the world was on his side for once as Carlos sighed and climbed into the bed on the other side. Even though their backs were facing each other, Bradley could smell the acrid stench of liquor coming from the Latino.

Turning over onto his stomach, Bradley dug his face into his pillow, hoping to banish the smell from his nose. He felt the sheets move as Carlos rolled over to face him and the smell was stronger. An arm draped over his back and Carlos' warm body was suddenly pressed against his.

In that moment, all of the bad memories seemed to melt away. The stench of beer was gone and the images of Carlos hurting him were gone. His best friend – who he was genuinely in love with – was safe here with him. Their bodies were close together and Carlos' warm breath on his ear slowly becoming a pattern as he fell asleep.

_I'm going to help you, Carlos._ Bradley thought to himself as sleep began to overtake him, _I helped you beat depression and I'll help you beat addiction. We'll get through this. I'm never going to let anything hurt you again._

Oh how wrong he was.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh man, something bad is gonna happen soon. Can you guys guess what it is?<strong>

**It only took me three weeks to update again! I'm slowly getting back on track of writing more often. I've missed it a lot. I'm not going to make any promises, but I have a surgery coming up in a few weeks and I won't be able to do anything for two whole weeks that requires raising my heart rate, so I'll probably be spending all of that time writing.  
><strong>

**I am very sad to say that Standing in the Dark will soon be coming to a close. I know it wasn't a very long story but there isn't much more of the story to tell after the upcoming dramatic and unexpected turn that is going to take place _hint hint_.**

**I would really appreciate if you guys would leave me reviews with your thoughts. I'm starting to review stories that I read on here and leave as much helpful and encouraging feedback that I can for all of the other writers on here! I'll try to respond to your reviews, maybe even a few from past chapters, and I'm especially grateful for everyone who reads this story and reviews every chapter. You guys really inspire me to continue writing - even if it takes me so long to update. **

**Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though it was so short. ~Carnie**


	18. Chapter 17

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Seventeen **_

The sunlight was warm and bright as Carlos slowly padded down the sidewalk that ran along the always busy Sunset Boulevard. He was pleasantly surprised that the sidewalk wasn't as crowded as he was used to. Normally, he would have been pushed and shoved by several impatient groups of paparazzi headed towards a confirmed sighting of some celebrity or other.

But today, the sidewalk was almost empty. Except for himself, the only people he saw were a few groups of teenagers visiting different shops and a couple of tourists who asked him for directions every now and then.

After pointing a particularly friendly man and women in the direction of Rodeo Dr. and the "place with the famous hand prints", Carlos finally spotted his own destination.

It was a rather small and not very well known pizza joint with an extremely underrated outdoor dining area. Carlos had been there several times with Bradley and Nathan and their group of friends, but this was his first time without one of them. A black iron fence enclosed the dining area, which was only a few pale green tables with matching chairs and a shady overhang to block out the harsh sun.

Even though it was only a simple pizza place, this was one of Carlos' favourite places in the city. From the dining area, you could see the Hollywood sign clearly and there were several types of plants that surrounded the tables and lined the fence around the area. It was a calming place to be and more than once, Carlos had snapped pictures of the shop and even sold a few prints to magazines and advertisement companies.

Carlos stepped through the open gate and onto the red stone ground. It was almost like stepping into another world. Letting out a deep breath, Carlos made his way over to one of the pale green tables and sat down.

"Hello there! My name is Karen, how can I help you today, sir?" A woman in a white button down shirt and black pants seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She was wearing a bright smile and Carlos couldn't help but smile back.

"Just a cold peach tea, please."

"Sweet or Unsweet?"

"Sweet."

She turned away and walked back into the building, leaving Carlos outside alone once more. He leaned over the table, resting his elbows on the edge and folding his arms together. His heart was racing.

_They'll be here any minute. _The thought was enough to make him start sweating, but he decided not to stress about it. Carlos had always been a big fan of ignoring his problems until the last minute.

The memory was still fresh in his mind when he arranged this meeting with them this morning. He'd woken up with an awful hangover, several hours after Bradley has already left for work. After fixing himself a greasy breakfast of bacon and eggs and a large cup of coffee as a pick-me-up for his hangover, he had only just sat down to eat when his phone rang.

Abandoning his plate at the small dining table, Carlos picked his phone up from the kitchen counter and checked who it was. He didn't recognize the number at first, so he decided not to answer, but the nagging feeling that it could be Bradley or the blonde could be hurt convinced him to answer the call.

"Hello?" Carlos murmured as he slid back into the wooden chair at the dining table and digging his fork into the eggs.

"Carlos?"

The Latino almost choked on his eggs. Even though he hadn't recognized the phone number, he sure did recognize that voice. Not wanting it to be true, he asked, "Who is this?"

"Carlos, it's me, Logan."

_Of course. _There was no mistaking Logan Mitchell's voice. "What do you want? How did you even get my phone number?"

"Carlos, I – I mean _we_ – want to talk to you." Logan sounded vigilant. Clearly he hadn't forgotten Carlos' outburst at the party.

To Logan's surprise, Carlos let out a long sigh. Bringing his hand to his face, the Latino pinched the bridge of his nose, just as he always did when he was thinking hard. "Logan… I-I.."

"Please." His old friend pleaded, "It wasn't right of us to bother you at that party. You were working and we caught you off guard. I understand that I'm sort of putting you on the spot right now, but please."

Digging his short fingernails into the skin on his nose, Carlos bit his lip and remained silent. He desperately wanted to talk to Logan and the other guys too, he honestly did. But he was also afraid. Every time he even _thought _about his old friends for too long, he would always find himself chugging down a bottle of whatever alcohol he could find. Even though the buzz from the alcohol would make the pain go away, Carlos always ended up hurting other people when he was drunk. Like he hurt Bradley the other night.

Taking a deep breath, he decided to risk it. "Fine."

"Really?" Logan's shocked voice echoed through the phone, "W-where do you wanna meet?"

"I know this pizza place on Sunset Strip – I'll text you the address, alright?"

"Okay. Thanks, Carlos."

"No problem."

It had been hard to resist a beer after he hung up with Logan, but Carlos figured he had to be sober if he was going to have a good conversation with the guys. He didn't want the booze to make him angry and have another outburst like he did at the party.

So now he was sitting in the small dining area, tapping on the table with his index fingers impatiently. His stomach was twisting with anxiety but he swallowed thickly and ignored the nerves. He had to handle this like an adult. No more childish grudges. No matter how much the guys had hurt him before – at least they were trying to make it up. He had to respect that.

"Hey, Carlos!"

Squinting against the sunlight, Carlos managed to make out three figures walking towards him on the sidewalk. Immediately, he recognized Kendall, James, and Logan. For some reason their smiles made him feel sick to his stomach, but he ignored the feeling as he waved at them and smiled faintly.

James walked through the gate first and plopped down in the chair across from Carlos. He was followed by Kendall and Logan, who grabbed chairs from nearby tables and pulled them up to Carlos' table. The Latino immediately felt cornered and his heart began to beat faster, but not enough for him to freak out.

_I can't let myself freak out. I have to do this._

Running a hand through his hair, Carlos cleared his throat to break the awkward silence and looked away from their heavy stares. The three of them always had a strange way of being able to make him feel very small. It made him nervous.

At that moment, Karen the waitress came out of the shop holding his tea. She smiled at the other three boys as she set Carlos' drink down next to him and asked them politely if they wanted anything. After declining her request, the four boys sat in an uncomfortable silence as she left them.

"How are you?" Naturally, Kendall was the first to break the uneasy silence.

Carlos leaned back in his chair and sighed, "I'm alright. Today's one of the few good days I'll have."

"What do you mean?" It was James who spoke this time. Something about James' voice eased Carlos' nerves. Maybe it was because, out of the three of them, he had always been closest to James.

"Most days I hardly feel the desire to get out of bed. A couple of years ago I had absolutely no desire to even live. But it's getting better." Carlos murmured, "Bradley's helping me."

He felt a sudden pang of guilt in his heart. _He's helped you so much and you repay him by hurting him. You're pathetic._

"I'm glad to hear that." Finally it was Logan's turn to speak up. Carlos had the feeling that they had rehearsed what they would say to him because of the sequence they were speaking in.

"Yeah."

It was quiet for a moment, but then…

"Is he your boyfriend?" James asked suddenly.

Carlos felt his skin grow hot. He suddenly felt as though he was being interrogated or being observed under a microscope. He hated that feeling, but he didn't allow himself to get angry.

"No." Carlos said, "He's my best friend."

"He seems to really like you." Kendall offered.

"Yeah it's just… It's kind of complicated." Carlos wasn't looking at them anymore. He was staring at his hands, which were linked together on top of the table. Eye contact was never something that was easy for him. "I mean, I like him too but… I don't know."

Logan smiled, "I'm glad he's there for you, man."

They were quiet for a moment before Kendall spoke up again, "We really are sorry, Carlos."

Carlos stiffened slightly but allowed himself to relax and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I know. I forgive you."

The three of them stared at him with surprised eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah, I do. I mean, it still hurts. I won't forget what you put me through quickly, but I forgive you."

Kendall, James, and Logan could see the pain in their old friend's eyes. They could see how much they had hurt him, even though it had been three years since they so much as laid a finger on him. He was broken from the inside and out.

They weren't sure if Carlos would ever be entirely whole again. The kind of emotional pain he went through was enough to ruin a person for life. He might forgive them and try to move on, but there would always be those lonely nights where he would hear the echoes of their words and feel the ghosts of the bruises they had left on his body. There would always be that half empty bottle of whiskey on the counter, waiting for a bad day where Carlos would take one sip and fall back into his old habits.

They weren't entirely stupid. They knew he was drunk that night at the party. Kendall knew he was drunk from the first word Carlos uttered to him. But they were so desperate to clear their guilty consciences; they had accidentally hurt him again in the process.

Drinking the last of his tea, Carlos set the empty glass down on the table and cleared his throat again. "Don't be so shocked. You guys know better than anyone that I can't hold a grudge forever."

The boys chuckled at that. Logan reached across the table and rested his hand on top of Carlos'. For the first time, Carlos didn't feel the urge to flinch back.

"We're don't want to take up too much of your time, Carlos." James said softly, standing up from the table and pushing his chair in, "It was good talking to you."

Carlos stood up as the other two did, leaving a five-dollar bill on the table for the drink, and the four of them walked out onto the sidewalk.

"It really was. We'll have to do this again." Carlos smiled as they turned to face him.

The three of them smiled back and Kendall nodded in agreement, "Yeah we should."

"Alright. I'll see you guys soon?"

"Definitely."

Carlos smiled to himself as he turned away from the guys and began to walk into the opposite direction on the sidewalk. The sun was now behind him, so he didn't have to squint against the sunlight anymore as he began to make his way home.

For the first time in a while, Carlos actually felt happy. He didn't feel the urge to down an entire bottle of whiskey for the first time. He didn't feel to rotten inside.

Quick footsteps sounded on the pavement behind him and Carlos felt a hand gently grab a hold of his arm. Turning around, he found himself face to face with Logan. Kendall and James were waiting for him all the way back at the restaurant, so it was just Carlos and Logan in that moment.

Logan smiled, his dimples showing more than ever, and said; "I saw that look on your face when James asked you about Bradley. You were practically glowing."

"Yeah, so?"

"You love him, don't you?"

Carlos was taken back by the sudden question, but quickly recovered and answered with a small laugh. "Yeah… I do."

Logan winked at him and released his arm before turning away and heading down the sidewalk towards Kendall and James who waved. Waving back, Carlos turned around and started home.

A soft breeze ruffled his hair as he walked and he found that he couldn't stop smiling.

* * *

><p>"Bradley! Bradley, are you here?" Carlos called out into the quiet apartment as he walked through the door with a smile still on his face.<p>

Walking past the kitchen, he dropped his wallet onto a glass dish that held a small pile of coins and Bradley's car keys. As he turned around to face the living room, the smile on his face immediately fell.

His blonde friend was sitting in one of the wooden chairs beside the couch with his hands in his lap and his dark brown eyes staring directly at Carlos. He wasn't wearing the usual smile he greeted Carlos with, but a rather furious looking scowl.

But Bradley's expression wasn't what had wiped Carlos' smile off his face. The blonde man was wearing a tank top that perfectly displayed the bruises that littered his arms and neck and jaw. Looking closer, Carlos noticed that Bradley's eyes were bloodshot and puffy, as though he had been crying for hours now. Carlos' jaw fell open in shock but before he could utter a single word, Bradley spoke.

"I need to talk to you, Carlos."

* * *

><p><strong>What do you guys think is going to happen? Will Carlos become good friends with the guys again? Do you think they deserved his apology? What do you think Bradley has to say to Carlos? Do you think their relationship is in danger? Leave your thoughts in a review!<br>**

**I hope you guys liked this chapter! I've been working on this all day, so I didn't have time to write the first chapter for my other story, The Perfect Con, but I'll get started working on it as soon as possible!**

**I really appreciate all the support that I have for this story. This is the longest story that I've ever written and although I'm sad that it is slowly coming to a close, I will be proud to call it the first story that I've ever finished. But I can't call it that just yet - there is still a few more chapters to go! Are you guys excited?**

**See you guys soon! ~ Carnie  
><strong>


	19. Chapter 18

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Eighteen**_

"I need to talk to you, Carlos."

Bradley's voice was so monotone that it was almost eerie. The sound of it caused Carlos' happy feeling to suddenly vanish and be replaced by the cold feeling of dread. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the bruises that littered the blonde's body and he wasn't stupid enough to ask where they had come from.

Carlos knew that he had done that to his best friend. He knew the handprints on Bradley's neck matched perfectly with his palms. He knew that he had inflicted every single one of those bruises. Who felt the most pain, though, he didn't know.

Sure, Bradley was feeling physical pain, obviously, and emotional pain from being hurt by the man who was supposed to be his best friend. But Carlos wasn't sure if there was anything more painful than the self-hatred he was feeling at that very moment. Just a moment ago he was feeling happier than ever and giddy to get back to the apartment to tell Bradley how he felt about him, but now all he felt was a stone cold sense of hatred. For himself. And it wasn't the usual burning hatred that he was so used to. This was so different that he almost felt physically ill.

"I-I'm sorry." Was all Carlos could muster up. He couldn't bring himself to say more. His jaw seemed to be wired shut as he finally managed to meet Bradley's bloodshot eyes.

Bradley let out a fake chuckle before leaning forward in the chair, never breaking eye contact with Carlos. "You're _sorry_? Why do I find that so hard to believe?"

"I really am sorry!" Carlos said, shaking his head quickly, "I-I just don't know what else to say!"

Bradley stood up and sighed, but didn't step forward like Carlos expected him to. "That's because you aren't sorry, Carlos. If you were really sorry you would stop hurting me. If you were _really _sorry you would stop drinking."

"You know I can't stop. It helps me." Carlos said, his voice small.

"Does it really help you, Carlos? Does it help you to hurt me?" Bradley asked, his voice raising the slightest bit. He was beginning to look less broken and more furious by the minute.

Carlos quickly shook his head. Of course not, didn't he know that? Every single time that the Latino found himself hurting him, he immediately stopped. He always apologized and told Bradley that he didn't mean it. Wasn't that enough.

"You know I don't mean it," Carlos said, taking a step towards the blonde and reaching out to him, "I'm your best friend."

Bradley jerked away quickly, raising his arm in the air and away from Carlos. For a minute the shorter boy thought that Bradley was going to hit him, so he flinched, but the blonde just laughed.

"Do you actually think that I would hit you?" Bradley asked, a look of disbelief on his face, "And I don't care that you _say_ that you don't mean it. Why do you keep hurting me, then? Am I nothing more than a punching bag to you?"

Trying very hard to hold in the anger, Carlos stepped closer to his friend rested his hand lightly on Bradley's bicep. "You're everything to me, Brad. I actually came home to tell you-"

"You know, this might be the first time in _weeks_ that you've come home sober, Carlos." Bradley growled, but didn't jerk back this time, "Hell, if you even do some come. And every time you do, it's to tell me what a piece of shit I am."

Carlos wanted to tell him at that moment, he really did. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, _I love you_, but this wasn't the moment. He needed it to be perfect when he finally said it. He just couldn't do it now.

But little did he know, if he had said it, right then and there, things might have ended differently. Bradley might have calmed down. He might have stepped into Carlos' embrace. The tension and anger between them might have ceased. It might have decayed to nothing. It might have been the thing that made Bradley forgive him for every time Carlos hit him. It might have been the thing that kept Carlos from reaching for a bottle of Jack every night. It might have been the thing that saved Carlos' life with Bradley. It might have been the thing that ended this story differently.

But Carlos didn't say it. He just looked Bradley in the eyes and remained silent. He didn't know what else to say. He'd already apologized, but it was clear that his words weren't enough.

"I'm sorry…" He muttered anyway, looking away.

Bradley glared at him in disgust and shoved past Carlos, heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Carlos asked.

"I'm leaving, Carlos. I can't handle this anymore."

Carlos' eyes went wide and he moved faster than he ever had in his life. He was in front of Bradley in an instant, blocking his path to the door.

"You can't leave me."

His voice was pleading, but a hint of anger was slowly creeping into his voice.

"Why the hell not? You say that you care about me today but tomorrow you're just going to come home again, drunk as hell, and hit me again." Bradley snarled.

Carlos shook his head quickly, ignoring the burning anger. He couldn't let his anger show. He wasn't going to allow himself to hurt Bradley again. "I promise I'll stop. For you."

"I'm sick of your empty words and lies." Tears were brimming in the corners of the blonde's eyes and he bit his lip.

"I'm telling the truth! I promise you. I won't ever pick up another bottle ever again!" Carlos pressed, a pleading look in his eyes.

The blonde shook his head and reached up to push Carlos out of the way, but jumped when the other man grabbed his wrists quickly. He locked eyes with Carlos' before speaking, "Let go."

"No. I can't let you go, Brad."

Bradley tried to pull away from Carlos' strong grasp, but to no avail. The Latino surely wasn't the weak little boy he was a few years ago. Still, he continued to try to pull away. "Let me go."

Carlos shook his head, "No, please. Stay."

His grip slightly tightened and Bradley winced. It didn't hurt, but he had expected pain. He knew this wasn't going to end pretty. Even though Carlos was trying to hide it, he could see the anger in the Latino's eyes. He'd made him angry.

"This isn't helping your case at all, Carlos." Bradley whispered. He'd stopped struggling and had balled his hands into fists instead. "Let me go."

"I said no!" Carlos yelled, causing Bradley to jump. No matter how often Carlos yelled at him, he never got used to it. Carlos lowered his voice, "Don't leave me, Brad. I-I can't lose you."

"Let me go."

Carlos ground his teeth together, growing frustrated. His grip tightened, this time painfully, and he saw Bradley visibly tense up. He instantly regretted his actions, but he didn't stop. "No."

"You're hurting me."

"I don't care."

Bradley's eyes opened wide as soon as Carlos spoke those words. Even though he'd thrown several accusations at him about his apathy, but he'd never actually heard Carlos say those words.

Carlos didn't care that he was hurting his best friend. All he felt now was rage.

"Please, s-stop." Bradley stuttered, afraid of the dark look in Carlos' eyes, "That hurts."

Digging his fingernails into the blonde's skin, Carlos stepped closer so that they were face-to-face. "You're not going anywhere. You're going to stay right here with me."

Heart beating faster with fear, the blonde tried to step back but Carlos' firm grip kept him in place. He had no idea of what Carlos would do next, but he didn't want to provoke him any further, so he remained silent.

Carlos pushed him back and together they walked back into the living room, Carlos still holding Bradley's wrists. He pushed the blonde back roughly, finally releasing him, and watched as his friend gently rubbed at his wrists. He could see the bruises already beginning to form.

"You deserve it."

Bradley looked up at him, a look of disbelief on his face, "What?"

"You heard me. You deserve getting hurt." Carlos spat, "You're always trying to pick fights. Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Bradley narrowed his eyes, "I think that I'm your _best friend_. I'm not trying to pick fights – I just call you out on being the piece of shit human you are."

They were both taken back by Bradley's words. Carlos' eyes widened and Bradley stopped rubbing his bruised wrists, but he didn't regret what he said. It was the truth.

"I'm sorry, but it's true."

Carlos closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "Fine. If you think I'm a piece of shit, then _I'll _leave. I'm the one who doesn't deserve to be here."

He turned around and slowly walked out of the living room, as if expecting Bradley to stop him. But he didn't. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that the blonde had continued rubbing his wrists and was just watching him go. When Carlos didn't move, he spoke.

"Well? Go."

Fighting the urge to turn back, Carlos turned his head and started towards the door. He grabbed his keys from the dish on the counter and just like that – he was gone.

Bradley sighed loudly and sank onto the small couch before putting his head in his hands.

What a mess.

* * *

><p>Carlos was walking quickly down the staircase that lead to the parking lot outside of his and Bradley's apartment building. He didn't bother taking the elevators, for he knew that one of his neighbors would probably try to strike up conversation and he wasn't in the mood for pretending to be happy at that moment.<p>

Pushing through the door on the bottom landing, he stepped out into the rain. This scene immediately reminded him of the day he left the Palm Woods to find Bradley after Logan had come after him.

It kind of surprised him that the memory was as fresh in his mind as it was. He could remember almost every detail, despite how long ago it was. Three years wasn't _that _long ago, to be honest, but it was pretty long considering how far he'd come.

Walking across the parking lot, Carlos glanced down at his shirt to see the specks of water collecting on his shirt. It was nothing more than drizzle at that moment, but he knew a pretty bad storm was predicted for the Los Angeles area that night.

_I can't believe I did that to Bradley._ He thoughts as he reached his car and unlocked the door. He could still feel Bradley's soft skin under his palms when he'd grabbed him. He noticed some dead skin had gotten under his nails when he's dug them into the blonde's arm and frowned. _I can't believe what I've become._

It was an honest thought. Carlos didn't even recognize himself in the mirror anymore. He used to be this happy, bubbly, carefree guy. He used to feel at the top of the world. He used to days, weeks, or even months without a single negative thought. That was back during his Big Time Rush days. When he and his three best friends were having the time of their lives. When his everything in his life felt right.

Nothing had felt right since the guys kicked him out. Even after three years, thinking that he'd finally gotten over their betrayal. Even after he'd set up a studio and was on his way to becoming a successful photographer.

The only thing that felt remotely the same was Bradley.

Thinking of the blonde, Carlos closed his eyes as he sunk into the front seat of his car and closed the door, locking the rain out. He was in denial of what had happened only a few moments ago.

He'd hurt his best friend. _Again._

Starting the car, Carlos pulled out of the parking lot and drove out onto the road. It was slowly getting dark and as the rain began to get heavier, he let the noise of the pounding water against his car soothe him.

_I can't believe I hurt him again._

Carlos had been telling himself for weeks now that he had no idea why he hurt Bradley so much. He'd acted as if he had no idea why he threw every punch or screamed every word. He'd acted completely clueless but deep down he knew why he was hurting Bradley so much.

It was absolutely no excuse for hurting his best friend – but it's true. The only thing that had given him any hint of happiness and joy over the past three years had been Bradley. The blonde reminded him that there was still love and friendship in the world. When Carlos went through his depression, Bradley was always there.

He helped him every day. When the panic attacks set in, Bradley was always there to calm him down. When the nightmares plagued his dreams, Bradley was always there to cradle him and chase the bad thoughts away.

When he came out of his depression, Carlos thought that he'd become a better person. He told himself that he would let this experience build on his character. He lied to himself and believed that he was never going to treat anyone like his old friends had treated him.

But Bradley had been right.

It was all empty words and lies.

Carlos had taken up drinking. It numbed his pain and clouded his mind. He didn't have to think when he was drunk. He didn't have to care. He didn't feel a single damn thing. But he was the only one that benefited from his drinking.

He hurt Bradley so many times when he was drunk. When Carlos was drunk, he assumed the roll of his old best friends, and Bradley was his past self.

He didn't know why, but it made things better for him. To know that he had power over someone that Kendall, James, and Logan had once had over him. To know that he had control over every punch he threw and every word he said.

It was sick, honestly. It wasn't right. But that never stopped him.

Feeling a lump forming in his throat, Carlos bit his lip. Even when he went through his depression, he'd never felt as much self-loathing as he did in that moment.

_The piece of shit human you are._

A single tear fell, and after that more came. He couldn't stop them. He began to sob as he drove, the rain pounding so hard against the windows that he couldn't see anymore. It was pitch black outside and the only thing that offered him light were the bright headlights of his car.

He felt a sudden regret in his stomach. It was heavy like a stone and felt as though it was crushing his insides. Mixed with the self-loathing, it felt as though his brain was going to explode and he could barely keep his hands on the wheel because he was sobbing so hard.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his phone in the passenger seat. He'd thrown it into the car when he'd first got in, and had been ignoring the constant buzzing.

Picking it up and looking at the illuminated screen, he saw Bradley's name. Two missed calls.

His heart dropped. Maybe even after their fight, Bradley still cared about him. He might have called Carlos out of fear that he would get hurt in the storm. Or maybe he called to tell Carlos to never come back.

Never mind the meaning behind the missed calls. Carlos unlocked his phone and found Bradley's contact. Keeping one eye on the road and one on the screen, Carlos began to type a text message.

"I'm sorry." He said as he typed, trying to focus on the phone and the road at the same time.

He didn't care if it was a perfect time anymore. He needed to say it. "I love you."

As he was typing the last few letters, he looked away from the phone and read the message over once before sending it. As soon as he saw that the message had been delivered, he heard it.

A car horn.

It was louder than anything Carlos had ever heard. Tearing his eyes from the screen of his phone, he saw the blinding lights of the car heading straight for him. Hands tight on the wheel, he turned as hard as he could.

His car steered away from the on coming truck and he didn't have a moment to let out a sigh of relief before he saw the tree.

He didn't even feel the impact.

* * *

><p><strong>That was probably the most intense scene I've ever written in my entire life.<strong>

**I'm not going to give anything away, but what do you guys think happened? How badly do you think he's hurt? Do you think he hit the tree at all? Leave me your thoughts in a review, por favor!**

**There is probably nothing that I love more than a juicy cliffhanger. I apologize in advance for the amount of frustration you have, waiting for the next chapter, but it will come soon, don't worry! The only reason it took me a while to update was because I had surgery on Thursday last week and I didn't feel much like writing until today. I had originally planned on writing and posting this last Wednesday, but I felt like it was too rushed, you know? But here it finally is. **

**Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and support for this story. I'll try my best to update soon, and TPC as well!**

**~ Carnie **


	20. Chapter 19

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Nineteen**_

**Duluth, Minnesota. 1995.**

Carlos was five years old when he first met Kendall, James, and Logan. They were all in preschool together - back in Minnesota.

It was the middle of December and Christmas decorations were strung all over the building. It being the middle of the winter in Minnesota, everyone was stuck indoors because of a vigorous snowstorm that was raging outside. It had been snowing since three in the morning and had already reached three feet of snow fall.

The small Latino was standing in one of the many playrooms with his face pressed against the window. He didn't care that the glass was freezing cold or that his teacher had told him time and time again to "get away from the windows and do something else." All he wanted to do was go outside and play in the snow - maybe even find a way to play some ice hockey on the outdoor swimming pool across the street.

"Carlos!" A woman yelled from behind him. Turning around, he winced and smiled sheepishly at his teacher, who looked rather ticked off. "What did I tell you? Go do something else or I'll call your mother!"

She stormed away and Carlos sadly stepped away from the windows. He didn't have many friends at the preschool/day care that his mother dropped him off at every morning. The only kid who was remotely friendly to him was this girl, Jenny, who was so clumsy that she almost took his eye out with a crayon the day before.

Not wanting to lose one of his appendages, Carlos looked around at the other kids who were playing with their own friends. They all seemed to be content with who they were playing with, so he opted to sit down on the rug and color several pages in the coloring book. Just like he did every other day when they were cooped up inside. He'd only colored half of one page before he heard footsteps coming up behind him.

"Hey!"

Looking over his shoulder, Carlos saw a taller boy with sandy brown and weirdly straight teeth for a preschooler. "Hey." He responded apprehensively.

"Me and my friends are playin' hockey, but we only have three kids. Will you be on my team?" The boy asked happily.

Carlos smiled big, completely forgetting about his coloring book, and nodded, "Sure!"

He quickly got to his feet and together they raced across the playroom to join another tall boy who was blonde and another who was shorter than Carlos with dark brown hair.

"My name is James, by the way." The sandy haired kid said and pointed at the other two boys, "That's Kendall and Logan."

The Latino smiled again, happy to have someone to play with, "I'm Carlos."

* * *

><p><strong>Los Angeles, California. October 13, 2013. 10:03am.<strong>

Bradley blinked open his eyes slowly. The right side of his face was pressed against one of his white, fluffy pillows. For a moment, he stared at the opposite side of the bed in confusion. The sheets were still tucked in and straight as they had been left the night before when Bradley went to bed. He'd fallen asleep staring at the vacant end of the bed, his mind racing.

At that moment, he couldn't remember what he'd been thinking about. All he knew was that it bothered him enough to keep him awake for hours. Rolling over onto his back, the blonde man stared up at the ceiling and sighed.

Then, it all came back to him. He remembered every detail of the night before. The hours he spent contemplating what he would say to Carlos when he got home, the fight they had, and when Carlos stormed out of their apartment into the rain.

He'd called Carlos twice and then thrown the phone under the coffee table in the living room. After that, all Bradley remembered was falling into bed, covering his face with a pillow, and screaming until his throat gave out.

Pulling himself out of the bed, Bradley got to his feet and made his way towards the bedroom door. He ran a hand through his wavy hair and padded down the hallway that led to the living room. He figured that he might as well check and see if Carlos had called him back. He was doubtful, but it was worth a try.

The sight of the living room made his ears ring. He could hear every hurtful word they'd yelled at each other the night before and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reaching under the coffee table. Feeling his fingers graze the cold plastic, he grabbed his phone and pulled.

"Damn it." The blonde groaned when he noticed a large crack in the glass screen. It must have shattered when he'd thrown it the night before. Luckily, it still worked.

One message from Carlos.

Unlocking his phone, Bradley saw that it was just a simple, three word text. _I love you_. Sent at 10:37pm.

Bradley sighed and squeezed his eyes shut in attempt to keep himself from crying. He'd spent too much of his time crying over Carlos. He didn't deserve that.

Before he could type a message back, his thoughts were interrupted by an urgent knock at the door.

* * *

><p><strong>Duluth, Minnesota. 2003.<strong>

The four of them were thirteen years old when they first scored a spot in the regional play-offs for hockey.

"I can't believe it! We're going to the play-offs!" Kendall exclaimed as the four of them rushed into the locker room with the rest of their hockey team.

They were each wearing blue and white hockey jerseys with the words "Blue Devils" that were appliquéd on by someone's mother. Even though they were only in the 8th grade on a middle school team, this was their first ever big advance in hockey. When they were on the peewee hockey team, the farthest they'd ever gotten was to a local match where they always lost to the older teams.

"Me either, man." Logan breathed, still recovering from getting the wind knocked out of him after getting checked into the boards during the game.

James and Carlos followed behind them into the locker room, talking excitedly about the team's game play.

The boys had just peeled off their pads and were busy changing into their normal clothes when their hockey coach walked into the room. Even though they had practically slaughtered the other team, the coach naturally found a way to criticize their game play.

"Diamond, you nearly cost us the entire game when you slipped on the ice! What if the other team had tried to make a shot and scored because you were too busy being uncoordinated?" The coach spat as James looked away to hide the grin on his face. They knew the coach well enough to know that when he yelled at them like this, he actually meant that he thought they played well.

Coach rolled his eyes at James and turned to glare at Kendall, "Knight, your shots were slow and weak. The other team had more than enough opportunities to steal the puck from us. Luckily it looks like they eat enough food to feed a small cow and were too slow to catch up."

Kendall scoffed and continued to stuff his pads and jersey into his hockey bag, knowing that he was probably the best shot on the team. Of course he was about as egotistical as the next thirteen-year-old boy and being constantly told that he was one of the best players on the team didn't bring him any humility.

"Finally, Garcia." Coach glared down at the small boy, who winced in return. "You should be proud, boy. You're the reason we're heading to play-offs. I've never seen anyone steal that many pucks in one game since I taught college in '97."

Carlos immediately lit up. It wasn't often that he was singled out for the good things that he did on the ice - Coach liked to point out every time Carlos got winded and cost them a point. Smiling big, he laughed as the rest of the team crowded around him and cheered his name.

* * *

><p><strong>Los Angeles, California. October 13, 2013. 10:27am.<strong>

Pulling the front door the apartment open, Bradley was immediately greeted by the sight of a woman. She was shorter than him and had curly, auburn hair. She looked to be in her mid-forties or early fifties. He almost instantly recognized her from pictures.

"Hello?" The blonde asked.

"Are you Bradley?" She asked skeptically. She bit her lip nervously and looked over her shoulder at the blue car parked on the street, as if she didn't want to be there.

Bradley nodded quickly, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, that's me."

"I'm Jennifer Knight." The woman explained and Bradley nodded. Carlos had told him her name before and he knew that she was Kendall's mother. "Can I come in?"

Taking a step back to give her room to step inside, Bradley nodded again. He tried to ignore the cold feeling that was beginning to form in his stomach. This couldn't be good.

Jennifer padded into the apartment and glanced around, taking in the setting. She nodded approvingly at the cleanliness and ran her fingertips along the cheap granite counter top before she made her way into the living room. Without even having to be asked, she sank down on the yellow couch. Bradley followed her awkwardly into the room, bewildered as to what her presence in his and Carlos' apartment could mean.

Well, it might as well just be his apartment now that Carlos had left.

"Not to be rude or anything," He said slowly, taking the spot on the couch adjacent to Jennifer and turning to face her, "But why are you here?"

Jennifer cleared her throat and looked down at her shoes, as if trying to find a place to start. Finally, she turned her head to face the blonde, her eyes watering but a weak smile on her lips.

"You know, Carlos always spoke a great deal about you to me." She began, "Even after the boys hurt him and kicked him out of the band, he always kept in contact with me."

Bradley stared at her in confusion, the feeling in his stomach beginning to ache.

"He said you helped him a lot over the past few years. He even said that he might have died without you here to help him." She choked on her words and Bradley looked away.

* * *

><p><strong>St. Paul International Airport - Minneapolis, Minnesota. 2009.<strong>

Three cars pulled up outside of the terminal gate at St. Paul International Airport in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The doors on the two front cars opened slowly and four boys stepped out. Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan were sixteen.

"This is it, Terminal D." Logan read, looking down at a small slip of paper in his hand.

He and Kendall stepped away from the taxi they were in after paying the driver and watched as the car sped away, along with the taxi that Carlos and James had just stepped out of and paid. The last taxi held all of their luggage and the driver waited patiently, not minding that the boys were taking their time since it kept the meter running and meant he'd get more money out of them.

Carlos looked up at the cloud covered sky and felt a few rain drops dapple his face. It was a cold, autumn evening and the sky was beginning to get darker and darker. He bit his lip and turned to face the other boys, who were making their way towards the last car.

"Are you guys sure that this is a good idea?" He asked suddenly.

The three of them stopped and turned to face him, eyebrows raised in confusion. "What?" James asked.

"I-I dunno." Carlos stammered nervously. He knew that it was and always had been James' dream to move out to L.A. and become a musician, but he was slightly skeptical about what _he _wanted. "I mean, this is our home."

Kendall and Logan exchanged a look but James frowned before turning away and opening the trunk of the taxi. He ignored Carlos' question as he started to gather together his luggage. He didn't have time for silly, doubtful questions.

"Do you not want to go with us, Carlitos?" Logan asked.

Carlos quickly shook his head, "No, I just don't really like change… you know?"

Kendall chuckled, "Change is good, though. We can't expect to hang around Minnesota forever, right?"

"I guess so." Carlos murmured, looking down at his feet as Kendall went to gather his luggage too. He stood there quietly for a moment before he felt a hand on his arm. Looking up, he noticed that Logan was standing next to him.

"You don't think you're cut out for a singing career, do you?"

Carlos laughed a little and shook his head again, "I've never sang before in my life."

"Me either. But this _Gustavo Roque_ guy said he could make a dog into a pop star. And I think you sing better than a dog." The dark haired boy said.

Carlos smiled, "You think so?"

"Hell, yeah!" Logan encouraged, "Now lets get on that plane, go to L.A, and see if he can make us famous."

Carlos nodded and Logan wrapped his arm around the Latino's shoulder and together they walked over to the car where Kendall and James were fighting over who was going to pay the taxi driver.

* * *

><p><strong>Los Angeles, California. October 13, 2013. 10:59am. <strong>

"Sweetheart," Jennifer murmured, placing her hand on Bradley's shoulder in comfort.

The blonde didn't look at her and instead stared at the coffee table in front of the couch. "What are you trying to tell me, Jennifer?"

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before answering. "Sweetie, last night at around ten-thirty or eleven, Carlos was driving on the interstate. I know that you know it was raining pretty hard and the interstate is already hard to drive on when it's a clear night…"

"Yeah."

"Bradley, he… he hit a tree." She whispered, "Carlos died on impact."

It was a waste. Such a terrible waste.

Carlos' entire life was over. Just like that.

Every time he smiled or laughed or yelled or cried was now a memory. Every word he sang was just a recording. Every hug he'd ever given was now the ghost of a feeling.

It was as if all that time he'd spent just living had gone to waste. All those years of playing hockey and getting increasingly better with every game and even making it to nationals a few times with Kendall, James, Logan, and the rest of his team was a waste. All that time he spent moving to Los Angeles and forming a band with his best friends and having the time of his life was thrown out the window.

Even after he'd been kicked out of the band, Carlos had spent years in college and working on his photography and working in the studio. It was all over.

Every-damn-thing that Carlos had ever done was over and a mere memory.

Bradley finally tore his eyes away from the ground to look at Jennifer, his eyes strangely dark and his voice barely above a whisper, "No…"

Jennifer brought a hand up to her mouth and her other hand squeezed his shoulder. She wanted to say something, but the lump in her throat impaired her from doing so. She wanted to say that she was sorry, but the words wouldn't come out.

The blonde bit his lip and tears brimmed the edges of his eyes. Shaking his head, he covered his face with his hands. Even though he wanted nothing more to be in denial, he knew that this was reality.

Carlos Garcia was dead.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey! It's been over two months since I updated this story, but I've finally managed to throw a chapter together! I actually really like this one, especially the flash back to preschool. Just the feeling of it was warm and happy and I think it was a nice touch to this chapter, especially since it's so sad.<strong>

**Please don't hate me for what I did to Carlos! Even before I began writing this story, I knew that Carlos was going to die in the end. I tried to steer away from his death but every plot line I had always circled back to this one scene. Sometimes things just have to happen, you know?  
><strong>

**Also, on my profile, I posted a explanation for my long absence. I don't know how many of you go back to author profiles very often, but I just want you guys to know that I'll be updating it a lot with the progress of my stories (like if I'm currently writing a new chapter or story) or why I haven't been around very much. So, in case you haven't seen my profile recently, I just want you guys to know that I'm held up a lot with school and being on the newspaper staff and it keeps me from being able to write at much as I used to (which wasn't much to begin with to be honest) but this week I had a long weekend and not much work to do so I took the chance to write a new chapter!**

**Thank you so much for reading this new chapter! Please leave me some feedback and let me know what you thought about it. I want to know what you guys think about the interesting turn of events that took place here. I think there might be one or two more chapters until the end, so tell me if there are any loose ends you want me to tie up or questions you want answered in the upcoming chapters.  
><strong>

**- Carnie**


	21. Chapter 20

_**Standing in the Dark - Chapter Twenty**_

It had been four days since Carlos died.

The funeral service was being held in Carlos' hometown in Duluth, Minnesota. The rain had moved on from the west coast to the north east and now hung over the great lake states, providing a dark and gloomy atmosphere to go along with the already angsty day ahead.

Bradley slowly drove into the gravel parking lot of the small church where the service was being held. He gazed through the raindrop dappled windshield at the building in front of him, making note of the peeling white paint and stained glass windows. He felt strange having the funeral service here, given that Carlos wasn't a particularly religious person, but his parents were strong church goers and believes their son deserved to be honored in a church.

He parked his dark blue rental car beside a dark red van, that he suspected belonged to one of Carlos' family members because of the Minnesota license plate, and cut off the engine. Listening to the sound of the light rain against his car was soothing but also heartbreaking at the same time. Every day since Carlos died it had been raining and it just continued to remind Bradley of his best friend's death. Especially driving in the rain.

The blonde leaned forward against the steering wheel and covered his face with his hands. His eyelashes were wet with tears that threatened to fall, but he couldn't bring himself to actually cry. He was afraid that if he started, he wouldn't be able to ever stop.

"Are ya' sure ya' wanna go through with this?"

Bradley jumped. He'd forgotten that Nate was sitting in the car next to him. Even though Nate wasn't as close to Carlos as Bradley had been, he was still one of their friends. After all, he had been there that night when Carlos had shown up at the shop and given him dry clothes to change into. It had been raining that day too.

The blonde nodded, sat up slowly, and took a deep breath. He hadn't spoken much since Jennifer left him in the apartment four days ago, leaving details about the planned funeral and offering to pay for his plane ticket to Minnesota. He paid for his own, of course. He didn't want a grieving mother - even though she wasn't his _real_ mother, Jennifer still loved Carlos like a son - to worry about money at a time like this.

Nate buttoned up his black jacket, shivering slightly, and pushed open his door. He didn't wait for Bradley to follow him out as he stepped out into the rain and closed the door lightly behind him.

Running a hand through his hair, Bradley rolled down the sleeves of his black sweater. He didn't often wear black, or follow common traditions, but he respectfully wore it for today's occasion. He figured it might insult Carlos' parents if he wore a brighter color. They were the traditional type, after all.

Pushing his door open, Bradley climbed out of the car and closed it behind him. The rain was falling lightly and he turned his head to the ground to keep the water from getting on his face. He slowly made his way across the gravel lot and arrived at the front doors of the church much quicker than he hoped.

"Welcome to the Harvest Catholic Church." A cheerful voice murmured, causing Bradley to look up. A bald man with a bright smile on his face was staring down at him and the blonde involuntarily frowned at him. The man was dressed in black priest attire and he held the door open, still looking happy even though Bradley's disdainful attitude was the only thing that greeted him.

Nodding in silent thanks, Bradley walked through the front doors and stepped into the interior of the church. It looked much nicer on the inside than it did on the outside and the blonde felt slightly better. The colors inside were warm shades of brown, red, and gold and a large arrangement of flowers were placed at the front of the room where Carlos' casket was sitting.

Bradley stopped dead on his tracks, eyes locked on the dark mahogany case that held his best friend's body. The cold feeling of dread in his stomach that had plagued him for the past few days worsened as he stared at it. It was like being slapped in the face with reality. His best friend was dead and his body was sitting in a wooden casket not thirty feet in front of him.

"Brad! Over 'ere!"

The blonde managed to tear his eyes away from the casket and turned to the side of the room where Nate was standing with a few people. Bradley immediately recognized a few people that he and Carlos worked with over the years and one or two people who had regularly bought prints from the Latino.

Making his way across the church, he joined the group and listened to them talk quietly and awkwardly about the weather. Most of them had never been to Minnesota - except one of their old co workers who went to college upstate. Diverting his attention away from them, Bradley let his gaze wander around the small church. He watched as a two hispanic women walked through the front doors, followed by three small children who were being strangely silent. He knew one of them was Carlos' older sister, Caterina, and her two boys, Michael and Austin, who had come to Los Angeles a little over a year ago to visit her brother, but he didn't know the other woman and her daughter.

Caterina looked over at him and waved before leading her sons and the other two girls towards the front of the church, where they sat the children down in the pews. Bradley waved back and bit his lip. He could see that Caterina's eyes were red and swollen and it broke his heart to see her in so much pain. A lump formed in his throat and he had to look away from her to keep himself from breaking out into sobs.

About a dozen more people arrived - some being Carlos' family members and old friends - before Kendall, James, and Logan finally showed up, followed by Jennifer and Kendall's younger sister. The blonde had expected that they would show up, but he was still surprised to see them. They, just like everyone else, were wearing black and picked one of the back rows of the pews, sliding into their seats in silence.

"I think the service is about to start." one of the girls beside him said and the group pushed past him and Nate to find seats in the pews.

"Is there anywhere you'd like ta' sit?" Nate whispered into his ear.

Bradley said nothing as he led the way across the church towards the third pew from the front. He figured the first two rows were reserved for Carlos' immediate family and he and Nate slid into the end of their row quietly.

Caterina turned around in her seat and reached over the row to place her hand on top of Bradley's, which was resting on top of the seats in front of him. She said nothing but the look in her eyes told him that she was sorry and she knew that he was grieving just as much as she was. He nodded and smiled faintly before she turned around to hush her son, who was fighting with his brother over who got to play with Caterina's phone.

"You'd think those kids would be at least a lil' sad." Nate murmured.

"I don't think they knew him that well." Bradley whispered in reply as the church doors opened from behind them.

Nate turned to look and gasped, causing the blonde to look too. His brown eyes fell on a huge crowd of people who were wearing matching long sleeved shirts and jackets with the name of Carlos' photography school printed on the front of them. Bradley recognized a bunch of them from classes that he'd tagged along with Carlos too and a few of them waved. The crowd took up almost three rows as they slid into the pews.

"I can't believe all of them came…" Bradley whispered and he felt a hand on his shoulder. Nate's voice echoed in his left ear as he continued to stare at the crowd of students, "Carlos had a lot of friends man. He was one of the best students at the school."

Before he could answer, another group of people entered the building and quickly walked to the front of the church and climbed into the seats in front of Bradley and Nate.

He immediately recognized Carlos' parents. He'd never met them in person, but they'd talked over the phone. They didn't even look at him and Nate as they sat down in front of them and Carlos' mother rested her head on her husband's shoulder. She sniffed loudly and they both knew she was crying. Two men who looked old enough to be Carlos' uncles and an elderly woman who was obviously a grandmother sat beside his parents in silence.

The priest that had greeted Bradley when he entered the church made his way to the front by Carlos' casket, where a podium was standing. If anyone had been talking, the room would have fallen silent when he cleared his throat to begin the service.

"We, the friends and family of Carlos Garcia, gather today to celebrate his life…"

* * *

><p>"I still can't believe he's gone." Nate whispered, staring down at Carlos' gravestone. He bit his lip and stuck his fingers in the pockets of his jeans. "I know I wasn' very close to 'em, but 'e was my friend."<p>

Bradley stood beside him in silence, nodding slowly in response. He still hadn't brought himself to say anything, even after the service had ended. He and Nate were the only ones who remained standing beside their old friend's grave. Even Carlos' parents had retired to their car and left. They were holding a get together at their house for anyone who wanted to go and celebrate Carlos' life, watch old home videos, eat casserole and do whatever they could to cheer up Carlos' family.

"Don' you wanna say anythin', Brad?" Nate asked, turning to look at the blonde. His large, brown eyes that were usually sparkling with playfulness were strangely dull and just made Bradley's mood worse.

Taking a deep breath, Bradley nodded. "I kinda want to be alone with him, if you don't mind Nate."

The shorter man nodded respectfully. "Sure, man. I'll be waitin' in the car," He said before turning around and heading back to the parking lot.

The rain was slightly heavier than it had been when he arrived, but Bradley didn't care. At this point, he didn't care if a tornado was heading straight for him. All he cared about was talking to his best friend. He sighed quietly and closed his eyes, trying to steady his breath before speaking.

"I'm so sorry, Carlos." He began, "I didn't want it to end like this. I'm so sorry we fought. I'm so, so sorry that you died thinking that I hated you."

On the last words, Bradley choked and he could feel the tears begin to stream down his face. He desperately wanted to see his best friend again. He wanted to pull Carlos into a hug and tell him that he loved him too and that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to be sure that Carlos heard his apology.

He didn't know how long he stood there in the rain, hands in his pockets and quietly crying, before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder, locking eyes with Logan. He hadn't heard the man walked up behind him, but he hadn't really been paying much attention to his surroundings either.

"How are you holding up, man?" Logan asked quietly.

Bradley shook his head and brought a hand up to his face to wipe the tears away. "Not good."

"It's okay to cry, you know. It's okay to miss him."

"No, it's not okay." Bradley snapped, "The last thing that I said to him was to leave. I told him that he was a piece of shit and that I didn't want to live with him anymore. He died thinking that I hated him. It's my fault that he died."

"T-that's not true at all." Logan began, mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"It is, though. He died because he was texting me instead of watching the road."

"That's not your fault. It was his decision to text while driving."

Bradley covered his face with his hands again and groaned. "Before our fight, he came into the apartment looking happier than he had in weeks. He looked so happy when he saw me until I started yelling at him."

"Brad…"

"The last thing he said to me that that text. All it said was, "I love you." Bradley was sobbing now, "And I didn't even see it until the next morning."

Logan said nothing as he extended his arms and pulled the taller man into a hug. He let Bradley sob into his shoulder and comfortingly rubbed his back. He'd expected the blonde to blame himself but he didn't know the details behind it. He could see why Bradley thought Carlos' death was his fault.

"Listen to me. Carlos died because he made the stupid decision to text while driving, especially during a storm at _night_." Logan said sternly, "Blaming yourself for his death won't help anyone, okay?"

"He died thinking I hated him." Was all the blonde said in response, his face still buried into Logan's shoulder.

"He died telling you that he loved you." Logan whispered, "Carlos never lied about things like that. He knew that you didn't really hate him. He wouldn't have risked his life to tell you if he didn't forgive you for the things that you said."

Bradley remained silent. After a moment, he pulled away from the younger man's embrace and wiped his eyes again. "You're right, Logan," He whispered, a small smile appearing on his face.

Logan smiled in return, although his eyes still looked sad. "I miss him, too."

"I know."

"I regret hurting him. I regret it so much it's killing me. I thought I had a lifetime to make up for all of the bad things that I did to him, but I was wrong." Logan murmured, "I would give anything to take it back. I'd give anything to have one more minute with him by my side. I'd give up anything for you to have one more minute with him."

The blonde looked at the ground, which was dappled with raindrops and healthy grass. The air was slowly getting colder as the sun set behind the cover of clouds and a foggy mist was beginning to form over the graveyard. It was almost eerie, but Bradley couldn't bring himself to leave Carlos' grave just yet. Logan's words broke his heart and all he wanted to do was curl up and cry for days, weeks, or months even.

He didn't feel like he'd ever be whole again.

He looked up at Logan, who had shed a few tears and was staring absently as the grey headstone. His voice broke as he whispered, "How do we live without him?"

Logan squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, "I have no idea."

The sounds of approaching footsteps caused both of the men to turn around. James and Kendall were heading towards them, both wearing jackets and shivering against the wind. They looked like they were holding back tears but didn't dare let them fall in front of anyone. Neither of them stole a glance at Carlos' grave as they came to stand in front of Logan and Bradley, as if looking at the grey headstone might make them burst into tears right there and then.

"Are you guys going to stand here all day or do you want to go to the Garcia's house for some fun and games?" James asked, his tone laced with fake cheerfulness.

"Do you really think it's appropriate to go have a party right after our best friend's funeral?" Logan snapped irritably.

The smile that was plastered to Kendall's face faded slightly at Logan's words. "Do you really think that Carlos would think it's appropriate to stand around in the rain and cry all day?" He teased.

Logan knew Kendall was just trying to cheer him up, but it felt like nothing could ease the pain of losing the person he once considered a brother to him. "How do you know what Carlos would want? People change and we barely knew him when he died." Logan grumbled.

"Well, Brad knew him pretty well. What do you think?" James asked the blonde. He, Logan, and Kendall all turned to look at Bradley as they waited for his response.

Up until that moment, he'd been staring at Carlos' grave while he listened to them argue. Tearing his eyes away from the grave once more, he looked up at the three of them. Even though Logan was right about Carlos changing over the years that they were apart, Kendall wasn't exactly wrong. He knew that Carlos would be upset that they weren't heading over to his parents house to celebrate his life and try to make the grieving process a little easier by sharing happy stories and laughing instead of crying over him.

"Kendall's right," Bradley began in a quiet voice, "He wouldn't want us to stand around and cry over him. He'd want us to be happy."

"Well that settles it," James said in a playfully smug voice, "You heard the man. Let's go pig out at his parents' house and tell Brad all about the time when Carlos accidentally set fire to the couch in the living room."

The brunette slung an arm over Kendall and Logan's shoulder and began to lead them away from the grave. It was getting darker and darker and it wouldn't be long before it was too dark to find their way back to the parking lot.

Bradley hung back for a moment and turned back to Carlos' grave. Sticking his hand in the pocket of his jeans, he pulled out an ivory colored envelope with the word _Carlos_ written in cursive on the back. Kneeling down, the blonde placed the envelope on top of the clump of dirt and let it rest beside the headstone.

"Are you coming or not, blondie?" James called over his shoulder.

Bradley laughed at the stupid nickname and stood up again. Taking one last look at his best friend's grave, he turned away and followed the three men back to the parking lot.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Carlos,<em>

_There are no words that can describe how much I miss you. Every day that goes by it gets harder to breathe. Without you here, it feels like a this huge black hole in my heart and I don't know if I'll ever feel whole again._

_I miss you so damn much and it hasn't even been a week yet. You were my world, Carlos. You still are. I have no idea how I'm going to live the rest of my life without you in it. I always pictured growing old with you and having you by my side. I thought we had more time together. I thought that eventually, the bad things would come to an end and we could both be happy, but I was wrong._

_I need you to know that I don't hate you. I never have and I never could. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that you would be a big part in my life._

_The second I found out that you died, I knew I should have told you. I should have let you tell me what you wanted to tell me that night you died. Things might have ended differently. You might still be alive._

_For the rest of my life, people are going to tell me that it wasn't my fault. They're going to say that there is no way I could have stopped your death. But we both know the truth. You died because you thought I hated you. You died because you desperately wanted me to know that you loved me._

_They said that you died on impact. They told me that you didn't feel any pain, probably because I was feeling it for you._

_I love you. The three words that I never said but always meant._

_We'll see each other again. I know we will._

_Love, Bradley Owens_

_PS: If only you could have seen how the whole campus came for you. They weren't crying or depressed or mopey like the rest of us. They brought life to the service. I think you would have liked that._

* * *

><p><strong>There we go. The end. <strong>

**I am literally so proud of this story. This is the first story that I've _ever_ actually finished. I've been working on this project for a year and eight months and it's a part of my life that is coming to an end. Even though this is just a piece of fanfiction, I can't explain how much this story means to me. Every bit of feedback I've received, every time someone favourited or followed it, has meant so much to me.**

**I'm thinking about writing and epilogue to follow this chapter, but nothing is set in stone yet. What do you think?**

**Thanks for everyone who read my story - whether you were here from the very beginning or just recently found it and started reading.  
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**I can't wait to move on to TPC and newer stories to come, whether they are fanfiction or actual novels. Thank you again!**

**- Carnie**

**PS: Shout out to my best friend Laura who encouraged me to write this story and continue it even when I thought it had died. She's awesome and she is an aspiring writer who I hope we will see work from in the future!  
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